Hi Sara, Mark and everyone reading this,
Thanks for your comments. There have been many times when people on this forum have helped me immensely.
Hopefully if someone else reads this thread, they may feel comfortable enough to reach out for help as well.
In time Navy Blue may reconnect and share his journey with us.
It would be wonderful if mental health issues had a STOP button, for some of us that is not the case.
We have all shared a little of our own journey here, maybe we have opened up old wounds we might like to share further.
For me, leading up to Christmas is a time of sadness and renewed grief as I think of the children we do not have here with us. There is still a sense of loss. Add that to the dysfunctionality of both our families and Christmas is not a pleasant experience.
In years past my husband and I have been ignored from family gatherings because we do not have children. We would invite family to our place for Christmas, but they would not come because we did not have children.
Parents said they wanted to be with Grand children. Siblings wouldn't come then if the parents weren't attending. Sister in law stated they wouldn't come as her children would not have any kids to play with. Then the families would organise get togethers with their partners families as they all had children.
My husband surprised me yesterday by saying he has booked us a holiday from December 19th to the 27th! We will be having Christmas together, alone, if only I could leave the hurt and sadness of Christmases past in the past!
One of the reasons I sign off as Mrs Dools is because most days my husband only needs a house keeper, I have no live children, I have a strained relationship with my Mum who always wanted a son but had another daughter instead, and if I don't contact my in-laws we never hear from them as my husband doesn't see the need to call them.
On this forum I can be who I always desired to be, a person with a heart full of love and care for others. People here accept that. For some of those closest to me in real life my best is never good enough for them. I often question if I am woman enough. I'm trying to change that.
I will embrace who I am, starting from right now!
Cheers all from a teary and empowered Mrs. Dools xxx