Hey Blue

I didn't realise there was a difference in the MHCPs but perhaps there are ones for unemployed and others for employed people?

IDK a labyrinth..

I use my phone Diary to put everything I need to talk to the Dr about on the date of the appointment (which is already in my phone).
I know I have a problem with 'object permanence' but also being so busy with the kids and work... stress perhaps lol... I just forget to ask if I don't have my list!

You can use the sessions for a mix of health professionals for your back... I found a "Physiologist" amazing, adjusted exercises for me and those helped everything.
But I wouldn't be walking without my Chiro, I mean that.

He found I'd broken my back years before... yah... other Drs thought I had arthritis back then.

Chiro ordered x-rays and found the old fracture. NICE ONE!
Gosh hey.

He got me walking again and I praise the ground he walks on but I saw a colleague of his a few times when mine was away and it was NOT good.

So we have to be very picky!

I do alot of other "alternative" things too.

Hope you're doing okay.

Oh yes I put that recipe up and I KNOW you'll love it for sure... mainly because everyone does lol!

Love EM

Blue, another vet appointment. She is now on heart meds and doing well so far. It’s me who’s not. Though I am slowly adjusting, and not panicking at every, whatever. I have been told of dogs who last a long time on this kind of treatment, and with this condition, so I’m dragging in the fears, and holding onto the hope.

Sorry about the work 💩💩💩💩 and the upcoming roster. That sucks for sure.

Blue, we had a hail storm here yesterday. Lightening as well. It was like the winter snow all over again. Rooftops and ground covered in white. Lovely watching from inside, but I imagine painful, if caught it it.

Sending kind thoughts and a ☕️☕️☕️💙💙

Hi EM,

I don't think there is meant to be a difference between them, I think I got in just before the change, maybe? I don't know, I'm just the person who consistently gets less from the system than pretty much everyone else. Lucky me, eh?

I'm exactly the same with keeping a list. No head for mundane things, there is far too much going on to keep track of it all.

Yeah, that was my understanding, we'll see what they come up with for me. Seriously, doctors missed a broken back? And I thought it was bad being told my ankle had a sprain when it was a buggered tendon that took a year to more or less heal. Some doctors really do suck. Glad you got someone who could identify and help with the problem.

I'll have to have a goosie when I get some more energy. It just isn't bouncing back after the long stretch at work, that really wiped me out. Dreading the next one like you wouldn't believe, since it's directly after Christmas.

Puffballs say hello.

Blue.

Glad your loyal companion is responding well to the heart meds, Wilma, though sorry she has to take them. I know it's harrowing for you, it's always hard when our best friends are unwell. You're doing all the right things for her, there is no reason she can't follow the example of the dogs you heard about who lived well and for a good long time on the same meds.

Thanks. It really does suck, super hard.

Hail in Summer? Now there's a surprise. Must have been pretty fun, I love hail. You're right that it might not have been so fun to be caught out and about in it.

My partner made us crepes today, as he wasn't up to it on my birthday and had promised he would. They were really yummy. Sending one your way, and fresh brewed coffee. Puffballs are sending a song to lift your spirits a bit.

Blue.

Hey Blue and waves to the cutie Puffballs!

Yah... many Drs missed a broken back for umm.... 12 freaking years!
Arthritis? Phooey lol.
Not one Dr had ordered back x-rays.

I don't even have arthritis. 🙃

But onwards and upwards, or FORWARDS as my case may be lol.

ALSO the health advice has been turned on it's head about back pain and back issues.
A physiotherapist I know broke her pelvis and when I saw her limping along on her walk, I asked her what happened... then WHY she was walking! Why wasn't she in bed!

She said "bed rest" was a thing of the past.
MOVEMENT is what helps.

So I moved, kept moving, in fact seize up when I do stay stagnant for too long.

But exercises or stretches like "The Crucifix" lol... no I'm not trying to bring you to Jesus.. (He's already here btw LOL!)... and "The Skiier" and others really help when they're done throughout the day.
At my worst, I did these for 5 mins every 30 minutes at work.

Also supplements that help relieve muscle tension because as you know... when we're stressed our muscles tighten.... then when our muscles tighten they impact our bones.

So relaxed (albeit strong) muscles help our bones move as they're supposed.

I always hark back to cavemen lol... our ancestors and think "How would they have spent their days?" the answer is constantly MOVING.

I'm glad you get your walks in! I'm sure it all helps!

Hope you enjoy your time off!

I'm off to bed now. Sleep well dearest Blue!

Love EM

Hey EM,

That's extraordinary, and very much like my experience with doctors over the years. I think a lot of them just see dollar signs, each appointment earns them X amount of money, so they fling you out the door as quickly as possible for the next buck to roll in. Disgusting.

I'm sure you can imagine my surprise at today's appointment. The doctor I saw for my back, hip, shoulder and fatigue ordered X-rays, ultrasound, CT scans and blood tests to check for anything and everything that may be making these things chronic conditions. A note on one of the papers he gave me for the specialists said check for bursitis. I am not at all used to doctors being so thorough. Hopefully I can get all the tests done soon, can't book them until tomorrow of course, and I won't be out of work until fairly late in the day. The bloods are easy, but he said the scans could be a few weeks' wait.

I'm not really surprised that movement is the better option for back pain, mine definitely gets worse during sedentary periods. Moving seems less logical if something is broken, though...

You've got some fun names for your exercises, haha. I mostly do bridging for my back. Need to find the list of shoulder exercises again, that could do with some healthy movement too.

That makes sense. I do take various vitamins and minerals to help with muscle problems - I get bad cramps sometimes - but I'm shocking at remembering to take them consistently. Good point about the cavemen, too, of course they were on the move.

I did get a walk in, yesterday. Might hop on the exercise bike today, I definitely need to be more active. I was okay with that, living alone, haven't got a handle on it since my partner moved in. We're working on getting healthy balance in a lot of areas, but it's taking a while to find our stride after all the madness of the past six months or so.

Time off was good. Has your leave started yet? Hope you're getting time to do the things you want to do.

Puffballs say "tweet"!

Blue.

Today has been a very difficult day. Whilst nothing specifically terrible has happened, I am simply not coping with being back at work. I don't even do that many days, but they utterly overwhelm me. Ten hours on, today, followed by some last minute shopping I really didn't have the energy for (another family birthday), then car trouble preventing me from leaving when I was quite desperate to do so. I've been running on empty for years, and those last splutters of power are getting fewer and further between. I physically cannot keep going much longer.

Dear Blue~

I can see all that repetitive mountain of hard tasks, and the things that go wrong. Driven while without resources is familiar.

Your mind, I think, needs sometimes to be elswhere, quite away from it all. Mine does. My I suggest you browse

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/store-your-happy-memories-here-

It may remind you of people past, of situations you have quite forgotten, and the happiness that can come about due to small things.

The people who wrote them did so for you as well as themselves.

Croix

Hey Blue!

Sorry to hear you're feeling overwhelmed with work, but those are really LONG hours so no wonder really! Though I would prefer fewer longer days than having to go in every day for lesser hours, IDK.

Yes I started leave last Thursday, so it's been almost a week off now.
Mainly getting presents bought and wrapped for Christmas.
Also organising our Christmas Day menu and buying all that food too.

Only a few more pressies to get now... ugh lol. Simple things so it's okay.
I'll do those tomorrow.

So happy that the new GP was so thorough!

I was diagnosed with bursitis a number of years ago and it felt like I'd broken my leg.
I used alternative health things to cure it, the script I was given was cutting it at all.
I don't get it any more thank goodness!

So a number of tests to do before going back?

I totally understand the whole getting into a synchronised routine with partner moving in.

This may sound like a left field question, so I'm sorry if it's "too much" and ofcourse you don't need to answer but.... did you have any concerns re: Family Law about your partner moving in to your house?
My fiancee was taken aback when I said I wanted a Pre-Nup agreement fully written up by Lawyers. He was expecting we'd be just like his much earlier marriage where we share EVERYTHING financially. All joint accounts etc.

After a very long time, because he's so humble, he quietly mentioned that HE would have a lot more money than I do by the time he moved here, so why the pre-nup?

It's absolutely for security for my children's inheritance and for MY security.
I don't want my house, Super and property threatened by a partner EVER again.

Anyway he's good with it now lol.

I'm STILL clearing out stuff LOL! And I wanted to tell you that your minimalism thread really inspired me! Now Yvette is onto the whole look too! She spent hours clearing out her room tonight and we filled up our neighbour's bins up and down the street lol. It's bin night yay!
I get excited about bin night lol.

HI to Puffballs!!!

Love EM

Hey Croix,

I appreciate the understanding. The mountain of tasks is enough, without the things that go wrong. I am so exhausted.

Yes and no. When I am faced with these struggles, my mind gets the best help from working on the problem, i.e. how to further lighten the load. My partner has been amazing, he came and retrieved me from work when the car wouldn't take me. That said, a mental time out from it all certainly wouldn't do me any harm either. Your thread does often spark memories of my own that were getting dusty in a corner of my mind somewhere, and that can be fun. I shall take your suggestion, for your benefit as well as my own, it's a worthy thread that could do with some attention. :)

Hope you and the Menagerie are faring well.

Blue.

Hey EM,

Thanks. To be fair, that day was an aberration, I normally do about 8 hours. With the long drive at either end, even that is a pretty long day. I agree that if I have X number of hours to work in a week, I'd rather it split into longer shifts for less days, I have done the opposite and I'm not a fan.

I'm glad you are on leave, now, it can't imagine getting organised for Christmas with a family the size of yours around work as well. Too much! I imagine you relishing putting in the little finishing touches for everything (maybe excluding the shopping part?), with the time for doing so.

Thanks, me too. I am impressed. Mind you, I was expecting a longish wait for the medical imaging, but they were able to book me in for tomorrow. I was simultaneously amazed/impressed/willing and also reluctant and feeling a bit gut-punched given how overloaded I'm already feeling with Christmas and work and everything. I acquiesced anyway, I'd like to get on top of all of this pain and fatigue sooner rather than later, I am more than slightly fed up with it.

I'm not sure which joint (hip or shoulder, if not both) he thinks may have bursitis, but a diagnosis of some sort and a plan going forward would be welcome. I don't know a lot about it, beyond a brief look on Google, haha. Sound like it was a pretty harrowing experience for you.

Yes, a number of tests - X-rays, ultrasound, CT scans and blood tests - before I go see the doc again. Three of which I'm having done at the same place on the same day, glad they are organised! The bloods I don't need an appointment for, will try and do them the same morning. Got to fast overnight for those, yuck. Ol' Blue likes her food.

It's definitely tricky to get synchronised. At least I have a partner who is willing to work with me to make things better. That's a first, in my life!

Yes, we have discussed that sort of thing. He is a practical and understanding man, so no surprise or opposition to anything I had to say on the matter. I'm glad your partner understands your need for security, too.

Great work with all the clearing out. Thank you, it does actually buoy me somewhat to know my thread inspired you. And your daughter too, that's excellent. Haha, through the biggest clean-ups I have done I got a kick out of bin night, too. Good feeling seeing all the junk go away.

Puffballs are sleepy, so no "tweet" this time. They are adorably yawning.

Blue.

Hey Blue

It's absolutely no wonder you're feeling overwhelmed with everything all happening at once it seems!

I'm SO GLAD you have a supportive partner "this time" and for the first time too.
Between you and me lol... you've been a ever ending mountain of support to your partner, so I think he's extremely fortunate to have you as a partner.

I guess we both had to kiss a few frogs before the Handsome Princes appeared LOL!

I'm so glad they did!

Good on you for synchronising all those tests! That's a feat in itself. We still have stuff like that to do. Tbh I was building up my iron levels before I had bloods done.

Yvette has never had a blood test and her new GP has ordered them, so a lot of procrastinating on her behalf is being employed right now lol...

Aha I AM being a tad fussy with Christmas carrying ons here.... about 6 weeks ago I was all "Bah Humbug" about it all.
Then I just bundled all the crap up from previous years and decided to ENJOY this time regardless. Like why should those awful ppl ruin my todays? They ruined enough of my time & life already.

So I'm "pushing into" the Christmas spirit.

It's working so far!

Speaking of which, I have more presents to wrap and food to get prepped.
Better get on.

Talk soon!
EMxxxx

Hey EM,

To be honest, I don't remember too many times in my adult life when that statement didn't apply. Damn annoying for someone who dislikes drama.

Thank you, I appreciate you thinking of me that way. Your words mirror his, he often tells me he feels very lucky to have me. It's a mutual sentiment.

Frogs are cute, EM, I wouldn't liken our exes to them! The concept holds, though. I am grateful we both found decent men to share our lives with.

I didn't have to work too hard at that, I read out all the tests I needed to the medical imaging place's receptionist, she did the organising for me - she was great. The bloods I don't need an appointment for, so I'll go in the morning before the X-rays and stuff. Considering I have to fast for the blood test, somewhere in between those tests, I'll eat something! Yvette has never had a blood test? Guess that's a good thing, if it's due to good health and not incompetent doctors. I'm sure she'll be okay on the day.

You're absolutely right, they've taken enough of your time. This Christmas is yours, for you and your family, they don't get to ruin that. You're doing great.

I've had a night of soul searching about some things, unravelling a ball of wool to answers that should have been obvious. Isn't that always the way with being too close to something? Have posted a new thread in PTSD & Trauma. I may be starting to make sense of my mental health. Funny what that bit of time off work kick started, the work continues even though my old responsibilities have resumed.

Have fun wrapping presents. I did some cooking today, presents for my lovely man's family. Now the hard part - I'm running out of containers to put things in!

Blue.

Hey hey Blue!

Yeah I don't like insulting frogs or worms or as my friend calls demon "a grub" and I say don't insult grubs lol...

demon suits!

Ahhh it's such a relief tbh lol.... I was thinking of demon m-i-l this morning and how INCREDIBLY relieved I am to NOT have to put up with her controlling bs 24/7/365. Erk!

FREEEEEEDOM lol! Relishing in it.

Nice to hear LM has lovely family. LOVE that!
I hope you enjoy your time with them all.

Better go, BF is venting away ugh... I can't concentrate on my post sorry!

Love to you all!
EM

EM, I'm afraid your distractions came at a bad time and derailed you from seeing the thing that mattered most to me in what I said to you. I know you have a lot on your plate at the moment. So do I. I'm struggling so badly with feeling unimportant right now, I admit that kind of hurt. But I know you're trying to be there for me and a bunch of other people around all the crap you're dealing with, and that counts. What fragile creatures we can be sometimes.

Dear Blue~

There is no way you should ever feel unimportant. Frankly your life and this thread help me and others too, they show a picture of a person with the ability to face most difficult medical, financial and employment odds and continue on, with fortitude, intelligence and organisation.

In the process having love inside enough to attract a LM and then stand by him when you are needed. Also there is inside the wonder and joy that attracts you to have two puffball friends.

EM deals in words by the ton, the are all fast paced and well meant but due to sheer quantity can fluke something that can be misunderstood. I am guilty the same way. Only yesterday someone took what I had said in an entirely different way to what I meant.

EM, I'm in no way criticizing your words, just keep on exactly as you are please.

"Joy to the world" is not a bad phrase and I wish it to both of you plus all those you love.

Croix

Croix, your words have struck a chord, and I needed them tonight, more than you know. I don't feel much like my fortitude is holding up any more. My 40-odd years of emotional backlog are catching up with me in a big way, on top of being generally burnt out by current circumstances. It's all just a bit much.

As for being misunderstood... verbose though I am, I am so very careful with how I communicate and even I am sometimes wholly misread. We tread in a minefield when we interact with others, as we can't always predict their experience, perspective or emotional state. It's never perfect.

Joy to you as well, Croix. I'm sure your wife and the Menagerie help with that.

Blue.

In following the threads of things that keep coming up, I am unearthing things that should have been obvious to me, but weren't. I guess in my bull-headed way of keeping on fighting the good fight, I have had to put aside so much of what I've been dealing with. Beyond that, I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a sense of embarrassment, shame even, at my reactions to things that happened in my last relationship (and to a lesser extent the first one), so I have not clearly addressed them or spoken of them in depth to others for them to recognise it for me.

I weathered out the quite severe emotional neglect of my upbringing fairly well. When it was mirrored in those relationships, not so much. Only in my recent readings has something come up as a thing that can happen to survivors of childhood neglect. PTSD. It's something I always ascribed to others, to those suffering acute trauma. My stuff I've always labelled low level and chronic, not the same at all. But as I skimmed over the list of symptoms, so much of it hit the nail on the head re where my head went after each of those relationships. I didn't do it the first time, with my parents, but each subsequent episode of prolonged ill treatment hit me harder. So here I am, wondering if I am actually suffering PTSD. Maybe I am, but Dr Google is not a diagnostic tool. It's been playing on my mind since the realisation hit me, and certainly of late any hint of negligence from any quarter is triggering the heck out of me. It's got me asking questions, and I have explored those in the PTSD section of the forums. Ol' Blue is a bit of a mess, right now.

Hi all,

Wilma, it's been a while - no pressure to talk but I really hope you're okay.

I've just returned from getting my test results from the doctor. Confirmed bursitis in my shoulder, a bulging disc in my back and mild iron deficiency. More tests, cortisone injections and some dietary tweaking abound in my future. Never had so much medical stuff (or a doctor that doesn't just send me home with instructions to take a Panadol) in my life.

Oh, and for those who haven't read my other thread more specifically on the topic, counsellor says yes I do have PTSD. Awesome fun. Sigh.

Blue.

Dearest Blue

I am SO SORRY I didn't see the thing you most wanted me to respond to!

I would never ever intentionally skip anything of importance in your messages to me.
I feel so bad for making you feeling bad.

I didn't mean to do that. I'm sorry.

I hope you accept my apology.

I really don't want to insult you or hurt you any further, please be patient with me if I got it wrong.... was it this?

"I've had a night of soul searching about some things, unravelling a ball of wool to answers that should have been obvious. Isn't that always the way with being too close to something? Have posted a new thread in PTSD & Trauma. I may be starting to make sense of my mental health. Funny what that bit of time off work kick started, the work continues even though my old responsibilities have resumed."

I'm sorry.
I hope our continued conversations in your thread in PTSD & trauma have taken this up somewhat.

Let me know if you can.
Otherwise please point out what it is and I will try to respond if I am able to.

NB: My psych friend said I dissociate or don't respond to things that trigger me.
I blank them out completely. Similar to not remembering a word in Yvette's S.A. paperwork but needing to read it all and sign off on every page. I cannot for the life of me remember a word but that it was 16 pages long and had bolded words. I read it! Can't remember it.

Sometimes the realisation of things I see the first time, or sad or triggering things, I don't see.
IDK why.
And this is not instead of an apology, just perhaps what happened.

Sorry Blue!

Love EM

Hey EM,

Apology accepted, we're all good. Honestly, I figured you'd already seen what I said here and addressed it by visiting my other thread. Looks like you found it independently of that. Anyway, I know you wouldn't intentionally do harm, I hope I conveyed that understanding in what I said above.

Yes, that's the passage I was referring to. You've been more than helpful on the subject in my PTSD thread. Interesting about the dissociation, maybe because it came from left field on here, but was an expected topic in the PTSD section? Who knows? Maybe if I'd been through the sheer amount of crap you have, I'd be the same. The mind protects itself.

No hard feelings, okay.

Blue.

Another day at work done and dusted. Even when my mind is sort of okay, the ol' body isn't holding up so well. That is made all the more clear by the various diagnoses recently. Things I had taken to be muscle strain, and there's me like a bloke telling myself to stop being a big girl's blouse. Just like I did about the mental stuff for so long (sometimes still). The bursitis in my shoulder and the bulging disc in my back are absolutely because of work. Doc said I'm far too young to have chronic pain like this. In people my age at work, it's not exactly unheard of. Two colleagues I was discussing it with today have much the same - one the bad shoulder, one the bad back. Just my luck to get both. So many reasons to ditch this godawful job, and yet on I trudge, not much choice. So tired.

Dear Blue (wiht a wave to EM, Wilma and all)~

I'm glad the doc was able to diagnose those problems and take some action with that injection, which I hope is some relief. Ordering more tests (if you can afford them) is a good move too. Even if the injection only works on a temporary basis until you get expenses sorted out to see a professional it will help, and that in turn helps everything else. I've no suggestions other than changing work duties or the actual way you do them, which I guess you will already thought of in detail.

I'm lucky to have a chair that eases my back, life would be horrible without some form of retreat other than meds.

I thought of you the other day when watching an episode of the X-Files, there was a scene in a boat reminiscent of Michaelangelo's 'Pietà' plus the river Styx in which the music is Misery Is the River of the World by Tom Waits, a singer whom I think at one stage you said you liked.

It fit in beautifully, and also though on the surface the lyrics of that are as you would expect from the title there is just a glimpse or two of hope coming though

Regards to puffballs, and LM. Menagerie is too "busy" to extend theirs

Croix

Dear Blue

I extend my warm thoughts (don't like using 'sympathies') for your chronic pain and being in a job that agitates your injuries.

Heck you've done SO WELL to get to this point... no Blue haranguing herself now!

We only know when we know.

We can't KNOW everything!

You've persevered with getting your HC Card and that's a HUGE PLUS right at this point.
You can now use it and use anything you can to heal.

Just this morning a thought popped into my head about Health Care Plans... (similar to MHCPs) but for physical treatments ie physiologist, chiropractor, physiotherapists, more.

6 sessions per year at hugely discounted appt fees. You get one thru your GP. They can refer you or you can choose your own allied health practitioner just like a MHCP.
EG if you wanted to see EACH of the ones I listed above... you can SPLIT the HCP into 2 visits each.... trialling which one's the most helpful or whatever you feel.

There's a little voice in my head saying.... maybe you need to look at work injury stuff.
I know you'd hate to go down that route... I think we ALL would.
Anyway I'm sure you've got that voice too.

If you could see a Chiro that has a wholistic approach (as mine is - incredibly wholistic BUT his son who works in same practice is NOT lol)... you may have the same success with treatment.

I've used all 3 of the above with varied success for differing reasons but usually always because of my broken back issue that's caused other issues radiating out.

Hang in there Blue. I'm really confident you'll find the right help.

Love EM

Hey Croix,

Unfortunately so far the injection in my shoulder has done a whole lot of nothing. Well, I tell a lie. If anything it's a little worse. Awesome. :/ It was in part a diagnostic tool - i.e. if injection not work, keep looking for problem. Back to the doctor next week to assess and see where to go from there. So far I haven't had to pay for any of the tests, doctor has asked them to bulk bill, and in the meantime I have finally got my Health Care Card. A long time in the making for that. I'm set to see a specialist about my back, haven't booked that in yet. Struggling to keep up with all the appointments, I'm so tired all the time.

Yup, I have indeed thought in detail about how to minimise strain at work. Naturally I am doing all that is reasonably possible to that end. Not nearly enough of course, like quitting the damn job, but those pesky bills just won't stop coming in. Sigh.

I'm very glad you have that chair to help ease the pain in your back. I read elsewhere that you're trying aquatherapy again. How's that going?

Ha. I used to love The X Files, I don't recall Misery is the River of the World featuring in it. Mind you, it's a long while ago and I discovered Tom Waits separately some years later, so it might not have clicked. Yes, I enjoy Tom Waits and that song is on one of my playlists. I am pleased it made you think of me. :)

Puffballs say "tweet" (we are between "skraark" moments, for now). Of course the Menagerie are busy, haha. Up to mischief, I shouldn't wonder.

Blue.

Hey EM,

Thanks. I don't like "sympathies", either. Sounds too empty because of how thoughtlessly it's usually used.

I can't help a little haranguing, EM. That said, I knew things hurt and the job wasn't helping, even if I didn't know the extent. I've talked to a handful of people at work and it is emerging that many, many people my age (and some a bit younger) are experiencing the same things. This job is just plain unhealthy.

Yeah, it's been a long, hard slog getting that Health Care Card. It's immediately useful for stuff like asthma meds which are horribly expensive. We'll see how much it helps with specialists and whatnot.

Yes, I am familiar with Health Care Plans. I talked to my doctor about it. His approach is that he wants to be sure of exactly what we're dealing with before writing one up, so it's being used as effectively as possible on the right treatments. Can't fault that logic, though it means a lot of tests and check-ups, i.e. appointments. I struggle hard with using my precious days off for appointments as they knock out a day in which I neither rest nor do fun things for myself. I am very burnt out from appointments on top of my work schedule. Burnt out from everything and feeling pretty down because of it, if I'm to be honest.

You know me well, EM, I don't want to go down the work injury route. I won't if I don't have to, that isn't going to do me any favours toward getting out of this job - anyone who has applied for a job knows having used Work Cover counts hard against you in getting employed (despite the obvious ethical issues in them even asking - I'm not sure it's legal to ask).

Time will tell if chiro is the answer. I'm giving this new doctor time to diagnose, he seems very intent on exploring the problem from all angles and being sure of the cause, and that is super rare in my experience. I want to see where that leads.

Thanks. Trying hard to hang in there, as you say. It's not just the physical, it's the mental. My job is sucking the life out of me, EM, it really is. I only do three days a week, but with my energy like it is I need a day either side of any shifts to rest and prepare, so it knocks out five, and appointments take out the rest. Meanwhile managing my mental health, my partner's health, and taking care of birds are all full time jobs. I'm not holding up well, really. Glad I have kind people like yourself helping me stay upright, though. Boy do I need it!

Blue.

Oh gosh Blue, I can really hear this job taking it out of you.
I'm so sorry it's this way for you, I really am.
And I wish I had the answers too!

But you know I don't.

I'll be completely honest with you, at my age (and I know I'm a heavy chunk older than you lol), with all the physical injuries I have, not even to mention the time off for the kids and my own mental health....
I spend so much money and so much time for appts to KEEP myself at work.

On the flip side, for me at least, working keeps my rational side healthier.
It certainly keeps my bank account healthier and a roof over our heads.

Plus with all the re-mortgaging and theft, I'll be at work minimum 20 more years... in fact I doubt I can ever retire.

I hope you can find a way through this for yourself.

It's difficult when others including our beloved pets depend upon us solely.

Hugs and warmest wishes, it's tough.
EMxxxx

Dear Blue (wiht wave to EM)~

I've read somewhere those injections only work sometimes, I had one in a sprained ankle and it helped. One twerp doc tried it in my back, a most interesting experience (in "may you live in interesting times")

My current GP is pretty good, and seems to have a endless alphabetized list of tests to try, I think we are down to "P" ATM. Diagnosed my breathlessness which was good I suppose, no real advantage in knowing but not having an answer.

Still trying for other things to deal with other symptoms, I guess it allows me a greater range of eBooks waiting than I'd otherwise enjoy. Like you I'm bulk billed (thank heavens)

That chair is a balm, it allows for a retreat and eventually the back settles down, I wish you had something similar, even if it was only a hot water bottle. Taking pain meds has so many downsides (though I must confess I do take quite a few)

I'm not sure going the worker's comp rout would work well, having to prove your prior state and then the cause. Not impossible but very stressful and I'd imagine you have more than enough stress already. Also often expensive. Just the medical reports alone can cost a heap. I was lucky the police did not dispute my claim after their own GPs and shrinks had looked at me and told them my claim was genuine. (Unusually ethical perhaps)

No I do not think any prospective employer can ask about claims, but if you have preexisting conditon that may affect your work I think you are obliged to mention it.

You do a mighty job dealing wiht all that is handed you, despite becoming downcast at times.

I finally saw the last 2 series of the X-Files, the ones made after the normal run had ended. Captured the spirit OK in places but ended quickly. I always thought the producers had hit on a very stable and appealing set of themes from paranormal though comedy to conspiracy theories

Don't think the US needs any anti-government conspiracy theories ATM, I hope they settle down.

The aqua - I'm not sure. Only done it twice now and was spasm free which was my big worry - we'll see.

Can I ask how your LM is progressing? Does he like Tom Waits & X-Files too?

Half of the menagerie is inside and graciously consents to send his regards, Foxy is outside looking though the gate in case anything worth chasing shows up in the paddock (that's why the gate is closed)

Hang in there Blue

Croix

Hey EM,

Yeah, it sure is wearing me down. I'm more than a little tired of it. Of course you don't have the answers, I don't think anyone does. My current path on it is hitting my expenditure as hard as I can to reduce my need to work. The less I spend, the less I need to make. More on that in the money thread.

We are most definitely in polar opposite places with how we feel about work. For your sake I am very glad you feel good about your job. That is a boon to you in your difficult situation and one I think you've cultivated with hard work and direction. I've got the hard work part down but being directionless re work does make it rather hard to get out of the rut. Sigh. My kingdom for a compass.

It's fair to say we've both been hit with some significant injustices along the way that have made keeping ourselves and our loved ones taken care of far harder than it should be. In the current socio-economic crisis, with or without our added hardships, I'll be seriously surprised if either of us gets to retire. This is one of those rare moments I'd be more than happy to be proven wrong!

Dunno if I'll find a way, but I'll keep trudging along, looking for one and working on anything that looks like a reasonable improvement. If there's one asset I have, it's dogged determination.

Thank you for your support, EM, you really are something.

Blue.

Hey Croix,

Yeah, I'm hearing it only works sometimes. For me, still more worse than better so far. I'll give it a little longer, got my appointment with the doc next week to review. Yes, there's a good chance I'll be getting the same in my back, too. I'm rather more hesitant given how things have gone so far with my shoulder.

Oh dear, that's a lot of tests. I have a funny feeling my current doctor will be going through the alphabet, too. Oh boy, that's gonna be fun! I see your point re the breathlessness. Sure you have it, but why? Let's hope some answers will be forthcoming, soon. You'll be powering through those e-books.

I'm glad the chair helps you. I guess I could use a hot water bottle for my back (it would be too annoying to keep it on my shoulder), though I can't say the idea is madly appealing while the weather is over 30 degrees. I don't often take pain meds, actually. Only for headaches, now there is an intollerable pain. Shoulder and back suck but don't have quite the same impact on just existing. I grin and bear it mostly.

Yeah, I certainly don't want to go the worker's comp route. I don't think I'll be up for too much expense except maybe a specialist visit or two. I just want to settle this ongoing pain down, it's really damn annoying. The stress of proving things, too hard basket. Glad you had helpful people on your side.

Makes sense about pre-existing conditions.

Thanks. Ultimately it comes down to "If I don't swim, I sink". No thanks. It's bad enough without actively working against myself.

I haven't actually watched the new X-Files episodes yet. I kinda want to re-watch the originals first. I have the box set my brother gave me ages ago. I made the mistake of wanting to watch it with my partner, who refuses to jump between different series, so the momentous task of finishing Star Trek comes first. There are many, many episodes of Star Trek.

Don't even start me on the US political fiasco. Those guys are in such a mess.

Okay, spasm free is a good start. Fingers crossed for positives to come.

My partner is slowly but consistently improving. Struggling somewhat with depression/trauma post-surgery with something so major, but we are working together to improve that for him. He does like Tom Waits, and likes the idea of X-Files. After we finish Star Trek, haha.

Haha, regards accepted. I see why you keep that gate shut.

Thanks. Doing my best, as always. One slow, dogged step at a time. Kind thoughts to you.

Blue.