No worries about finding it funny. I find it funny too, if it helps, I always imagine an ACME bat/hammer from the Loony Toons when I think of the analogy.
I am sitting here, absolutely amazed at how much the worries you shared are the same as mine. My biggest fear is not that I will go back to being heavily depressed, but that I will stop caring about it, and everything that goes along with it. If you care enough, you'll keep trying, you know? I have never been a fan of ignoring my problems, for the very reason you described, ignore it enough times and before you know it, you're in the worst case scenario and no contingency plans. The biggest problem I have with myself, we discussed earlier, the ability to see the train wreck that is about to happen, to tell myself repeatedly and with vehemence to stop, change direction, and yet, still have that wreck, but having done nothing to make it less of a collision/disaster.
I actually hate it where I am. It's full of triggers, it's where my origins story comes from, and I hate it. I hope to move to Canada next year, and do my Master's degree. The waiting time feels like I'm struggling against quicksand though. All the people I knew here, I tried to reconnect with last year, but they didn't really treat me well, or even like I existed.
Writing definitely makes me really feel everything I feel. I mean, I detach quite often, but writing just forces me to give it all recognition and more of a prevalence in my head. So, some days, it doesn't help. Some days it does. So, it's a gamble.
Funnily enough, for a person who can draw, horrible at colouring. The idea of staying in the lines, I'm more of a blurred lines person. Or I just go out to spite the drawing.
I can think of it this way, the number 0. It has no value, makes no effect when added or subtracted from something, its very presence means the absence of something. Identity; it's a function of the mind, a product of thinking. People identify themselves as one thing as strongly as they claim not to identify as others. Our particular disposition, we just keep saying no to a lot of things, we are changeable, but that doesn't make us any less as people. We are just a different category. you can categorise anything.
Having said all of that, I still think of myself more as a thing than a person, but maybe, it's a matter of finding that nebulous category and living with it. I'll have a think and discuss further.