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Forums / Long term support over the journey / FESTIVE SEASON STRUGGLES

Topic: FESTIVE SEASON STRUGGLES

  1. Starwolf
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    16 December 2016 in reply to blackcat64013

    Thank you for sharing those pearls of wisdom, Blackcat.

    Thank you for joining this thread.

    Thank you for the refreshing alternative to Blackdog.

    You're a legend !

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Doolhof
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    16 December 2016 in reply to blackcat64013

    Hi Blackcat and Everyone,

    Making a list and checking it twice, regarding how to make Christmas more enjoyable is an excellent idea! Thanks for sharing that with us all.

    It is wonderful so many of you are encouraging and listening to each other. I am going to miss you all for a few days while we are away from the internet!

    Today I had an appointment with an employment adviser. Before I left the appointment, I gave her a Christmas Card and thanked her for her assistance these last couple of months. She said it was the first card she had ever received from a client. She ripped the envelope open straight away.

    It made me feel good inside to know that my acknowledging her in such a small way seemed to make her happy.

    I have no idea what our Christmas day will hold. I am going to tryt o make the most of it.

    Cheers all from Mrs. Dools

  3. Shred1106
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    16 December 2016 in reply to Doolhof

    Hey Mrs Dools

    Just wanted to take the opportunity to thank you for all your support on line. I hope your Christmas overseas is a pleasant one. I shall take a moment during the day to think of you and all the others who post on this thread...

    We are not off on our trip till mid next week and are also away for New Year.

    So, if we don't hear from you before you fly Mrs Dools - safe travels...

    Shred out

  4. Doolhof
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    16 December 2016 in reply to Shred1106

    Dear Shred,

    Thank you so very much for your lovely words and sentiments. I quite often think of everyone who uses this forum and I send up little prayers hoping that lives are transformed for the better in some way.

    I do understand the anonymity of this forum, at times it would be nice to know more about the person whom we are connecting with. This is obviously the best way to conduct such a forum where so many personal issues are shared.

    Yesterday I bought some small toys to give to children we might see on Christmas Day. I am going to embrace Christmas in which ever way it is presented this year.

    I've sent some cards, decorated the house a little for us and our guests last night and will be joining in a Christmas party tonight for one of the organisations I volunteer with.

    So here is a big HO HO HO, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you Shred,

    Cheers from Mrs. Dools

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Kazzl
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    17 December 2016 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Mrs Dools - I want to wish you safe travels and a Christmas full of peace and goodwill. Take care of you, we want you back in one piece.

    And I propose that those of us here on Christmas Day raise our virtual glasses in Mrs Dools' honour.

    Cheers hun

    Kaz

  6. Sandy centre
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    17 December 2016 in reply to Doolhof

    Dear Mrs Dools

    thank you for your help and support

    i wish you a very safe trip and a Merry Christmas!

    Take Care

    Sylvia x

  7. nowhereman
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    79 posts
    17 December 2016
    Hi. I have had a bit of trouble coping with this time of year.cause my family is gone.just my mother left.and shes abit mad. Shes white.and thinks she is black.why i dont know.she always brings back past painful issues like my sister and brother who had painful deaths. And still runs down my dad .who also died alone. I dont like her one bit. And it intensifies around this time of year. I loved my grandma and mum runs her down. She talks bad about lots of people.now do you understand my depression? Max
  8. Elizabeth CP
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    17 December 2016 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi all, I really liked Mrs Dools attitude to Christmas:
    Yesterday I bought some small toys to give to children we might see on Christmas Day. I am going to embrace Christmas in whichever way it is presented this year.I've sent some cards, decorated the house a little for us and our guests last night and will be joining in a Christmas party tonight for one of the organisations I volunteer with.

    I think all of us can learn from her example. Rather than focusing on what wasn't ideal she focused on what she could do to fit in with her own wishes & needs while still fitting in with her partners plans. 'She 'decorated the house for us' not to fit in with anyone elses idea or expectations. Éach of us should be deciding what we would like or what would make us feel happier, less stressed, more in control or whatever other feeling we want & then do it for ourself. Anything which has the opposite effect needs to be crossed firmly off our to do list.

    what do others think ?

  9. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
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    17 December 2016 in reply to Kazzl

    Dear Kaz, Sylvia and Elizabeth,

    Thank you so very much for your very kind words and sentiments. I too will be thinking of you all on Christmas Day and will drink a cheer to each and every one of you.

    Last night I attended a Christmas BBQ at one of my volunteer places. We actually had a Secret Santa where we each bought a gift for one person in the group. I struggled to but that gift and put a lot of thought into it and tried to make it funny as well.

    Everyone's gifts were well received. It was a lovely evening with extended families as well. My husband stayed at home, but that was okay, he was happy watching the cricket and I had plenty of people to chat with. I was also very blessed to be able to cuddle a 4 week old baby. That moment made my heart melt.

    Tomorrow we are off on the plane to Bali. I will embrace the festivities and our holiday. I look forward to sunsets on the beach (at least one...my husband dislikes the beach with a passion. Ha. Ha.)

    I wish you all a sense of peace, and please remember that if life does get really tough and yuck for you, there are people out there willing to listen and to read how you are feeling. You never have to feel like you are alone.

    Thinking of you all, love and hugs again from Mrs. D

  10. Starwolf
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    17 December 2016 in reply to Doolhof

    Have a terrific holiday, Mrs Dools.

    We'll miss your presence around the forums and will be thinking of you.

  11. Shred1106
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    18 December 2016 in reply to Starwolf

    Dear Mrs Dools

    Enjoy your break and have a safe journey. The balinese are a beautiful people and I do hope you see a little bit of culture while there.

    Kaz - I think you hit on a great idea -raising a glass to Mrs Dools and each other wherever we might be in the world is terrific. I know personally the forums have been a great help to me.

    I too am now starting to pack...we head off in the early hours of Thursday morning...

    For now Shred out

  12. 5022
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    18 December 2016

    Seasons greetings everyone:( it is a relief and comforting to know I'm not dreading Christmas day. I always had great christmas's until I left my ex six years ago and since then they have been filled with sadness and pain as he denies my access. He said this year i will have the kids Xmas eve and morning but I cant count on what he says so am trying to figure out a strategy to manage my grief and not melt down if this happens. I am just reentering the light after a meltdown Monday when he changed the kids schools behind my back even though we have equal parental responsibility (i can't afford to go back to court and don't qualify for legal aid). Im so scared of another meltdown and need to avoid this at all costs.

    We are never alone here. Hugs too everyone

  13. Doolhof
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    18 December 2016 in reply to nowhereman

    Hi Max,

    I'm so very sorry to read of your family history. It is hard to understand and comprehend why some people say hurtful things. My Mum has depression and probably Borderline personality disorder. Mum can say some really nasty things and has no idea how hurtful she can be.

    This time of year can be a huge struggle when loved ones are no longer with us. Events like Christmas and Birthdays can bring up such pain, grief and a deep sense of loss.

    Do you celebrate Christmas? One thing I like to do on Christmas Day is to light a candle for loved ones who have died. The candle brings me a sense of peace and comfort.

    It does not take away the hurt or the grief, it just makes it more bearable.

    Wishing you all the very best, from Mrs. Dools

  14. Doolhof
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    18 December 2016 in reply to 5022

    Hi 5022,

    I'm so very sorry to read your story. I know nothing about the family courts/laws. I do so hope you manage to see your children for Christmas.

    Hi Shred,

    Hope to catch you all again sometime soon!

    Cheers. Mrs. Dools

  15. nowhereman
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    19 December 2016 in reply to Doolhof
    Hi.and thanks for your responce .the odd thing.is from age 2yo. I felt like i never bekonged.as though the family around me wernt mine.then i felt like eveyone on this stupid planet wasnt like me at all. Strangely i have seen things that cant be explained.and i was able to draw places ive never been to or been told about at a very young age.now ive seen apparitions.and im always fighting with people cause i dont wanna be here anymore. At 5 i painted a comunity hall with its sign.and a seat under a willow tree my grandma used to visit all the time.she freaked out when saw it. No.i never liked any of my family .cause they all treated me bad. Max
  16. Kazzl
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    19 December 2016 in reply to nowhereman

    Hi Max - nice to meet you. Sorry your family situation isn't good. You're not alone in that one mate, so many people struggle with the whole 'happy families' thing at Christmas. It's an ideal sold to us by marketing companies and retailers, but not the reality for many people.

    I think the ads on tele just make things worse at Christmas - if we don't have the whole big happy extended family with loads of presents and ham and turkey going on it's like we're failing somehow, or 'second best'. Well, I call bull___t. It's just a fabrication designed to separate us from our money. So there. I'm a grinch. 😄

    How do you plan to spend the day Max?

    Hiya 5022 - oh I hope things work out for you on the day hun. But remember, if they don't, it's just another day. Just a day, no better or worse than other days. Minimise it's impact on you.

    Well, having vented about the capitalist conspiracy of Christmas, it's time I ignored my own opinions and finished my Christmas bloody shopping. If you find me shaking in the corner at the end of the day, please feed me ice cream.

    Love to everyone here

    Kaz

    xx

    2 people found this helpful
  17. Starwolf
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    19 December 2016

    It is true that geographical isolation helps keep Xmas at bay.

    However, my state of mind is totally disconnected from the hullabaloo. To me, it is just a day on the calendar used by the system to rip us all off. Being the subversive type, I have no trouble disconnecting from it all. I've always been a reluctant consumer. In this regard, I am just as bait proof as the average security dog !

    Though I consider myself a spiritual person, religion is not my thing. Give me an ism -whatever it applies to- and I'm out of here... :-)

    Family to me was just another F word from the very beginning. I am immensely grateful that rickety bridge was burnt many years ago. What makes this time "special" is that I will be spending most of it with the BB community. This family is one I chose, one who understands what unconditional love means.

    I consider it a privilege. Looking forward to it.

    1 person found this helpful
  18. Shred1106
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    20 December 2016 in reply to Starwolf

    Hi all

    Not a good day for me.Can't finish packing for my trip, can't concentrate and then heard the news I feared - the young man that I assisted in the car crash last week has passed away in hospital.Another family minus a member and an anniversary forever more.

    I attended the funeral of an old employee of mine (mind you she was younger than I) today - so it has been a shocker...

    Festive season struggles - I am thinking there is little to celebrate but I guess I will be in another country with a couple of family members and I don't have to cook.

    In case I don't get the chance due to timing - please take care of yourselves, everyone on BB has made an impact on me and supported me through some torrid times this past month particularly!

    Shred out

    1 person found this helpful
  19. nowhereman
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    20 December 2016 in reply to Kazzl

    Hi Kazzl. Thanks for your reply.ive got nothing planned for exmas as my family is gone. I just finnished a Jam on my new 12 string and im very happy with the progress of my new song. I wont busk this song as it has marketing potential.and sounds a bit like CREED.cause of the low sad voice but strong higher notes. The bridge to a song is always a make or break.so i may need some help on that. Xmas isnt in my belief at all. I dont follow the leader just because others do.i never thought that way. Max

  20. Starwolf
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    20 December 2016 in reply to nowhereman

    Hey Nowhereman,

    There are quite a few of us who have always felt alien to this world. I don't think there is anything wrong with feeling that way. Looking at it objectively, the human world doesn't make much sense. It wouldn't be in so much trouble otherwise.

    There is no easy way to put right injustice, greed, corruption, isolation or poverty. It doesn't mean we are powerless. There is always small differences to be made around us. These can gather momentum and grow in unexpected ways. Throwing something positive into the Universe, it can have the same ripple effect as when we toss something in water.

    You are doing just that by writing songs. Music and lyrics can express a lot that couldn't be shared in face to face conversation. This creativity carries huge responsibility. Thank you for taking it up.

    Shred, it is very sad that the person you assisted didn't make it. But regardless of what happened next, your help and compassion were what was most needed at the time. I believe one of the lessons we are meant to learn is to do what we feel is right without being attached to results.

    I hope going away will help you distance yourself and move on from this difficult time. ​My wish for you is for a brighter future.

  21. Moonstruck
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    20 December 2016 in reply to Starwolf

    Hey everybody - going into hospital day surgery today - have this done every year except had it 5 weeks ago in November and I looked so good in my Qld Health lavender gown they want to do it all over again...just for some added Christmas Cheer. (I wonder how good their decorations are this year?)

    So fasting from now on..one more glass of water in an hour then nothing till it's all over later afternoon - yay! probably in unpleasant discomfort tonight - haven't told either of my sons...they'll wonder and worry why I;m having it again so soon after November...(I dunno exactly myself!!)

    My elder son's best mate and work colleague...like a brother to him.....died suddenly from brain bleed - no warning. He is devastated, in bad distress and in shock so not giving him this also. The other son has his hands full juggling work, wife's work and kids school holiday baby-sitting. (I am going to help out there in couple of weeks....hope I am up to it!!)

    The heatwave here is intolerable - making people ill. Wish I could afford air conditioning but many expenses one after the other at present.......pardon if a hint of cynicism has crept thru here.....SO glad when all this Christmas hype and absolute media Crap is over!!..................thanks all, for being there.....i do appreciate you all so much and know you are fighting your own battles and challenges - we're all champions! xx

  22. Starwolf
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    21 December 2016 in reply to Moonstruck

    Moon, you are such a thoughtful, caring Mum...I'm glad you are sharing with US all. I hope you can soon get the answers you are after.

    Please take it slow afterwards, OK ? Being so brave doesn't mean you must keep going as if nothing had happened...

    My thoughts will be with you today.

  23. Moonstruck
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    21 December 2016 in reply to Starwolf

    thank you Star..............

  24. Kazzl
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    21 December 2016 in reply to Moonstruck

    Hiya Moonstruck - thinking of you too my friend. I bet you look downright fetching in your hospital gown. Hope all goes well hun and you bounce back asap.

    Hey nowhereman - 12 string! Nice! I neeeed one! (though I should probably get a whole lot better on six first). Glad to hear you're feeling better. Do you do a lot of busking?

    Cheers

    Kaz

  25. QBEE
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    21 December 2016

    Hi guys

    In regards to the trials of the "festive season" I am a health care professional holding down a senior position dealing with often acutely unwell patients many of whom are presenting with mental health issues. I also have a long standing history of major clinical depression and anxiety, with an extensive familial history. I have recently experienced the loss of a nephew through suicide who was treated at my place of work. Not only do I suffer with my own issues during this time but am dealing with patients with a multitude of varying mental health issues also exacerbated by this stressful time of year.

    I guess all I wanted to say is you're not alone. Whether you're a functioning member of society or not, mental health issues aren't discriminatory. I recently read something that rang true for me. Rather than wishing for you to "have a good day", I will say "have a day". Because most days that's all that we can manage. X

  26. Kazzl
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    21 December 2016 in reply to QBEE

    Hello QBEE, a very big welcome to you and thank you for joining us.

    I'm sad to hear of the loss of your nephew, I can only imagine how traumatic that must have been for you, especially as he was treated at your workplace. It will be a sad Christmas for you and your family. If you're all together, please remember you are there as a family member not a professional - in other words, allow yourself to grieve too, don't try to look after everyone else at your own expense.

    I think the stresses of working with mental health patients must be that much harder when you have experience yourself - while you can bring so much depth to the job through your lived experience, it must at times be very emotionally difficult because you truly understand the pain and struggle of people in your care. I am making a career move into mental health next year and I'm acutely aware that I'll need to take very good care of myself and use the support mechanisms I have in place.

    Do you have good debriefing processes at work, and people in your private life that support you and know when you need some care yourself? I hope so, and of course you are very welcome to share your load here anytime. We're good listeners.

    Very good to meet you QBEE.

    Regards and respect

    Kaz

  27. Owly McOwlface
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    22 December 2016

    Hello everyone, I'm new to this forum but not new to depression, have been in treatment for a few years. It's ups and downs, lately mostly down.

    Having a particularly difficult time this Christmas because of money troubles and feel very alone. Haven't put the tree up. I had hoped to make presents for my family but I ran out of time so now I feel like a jerk. I feel like I'm the only person who realises how bad things are. I try to remind myself that I don't have a great perspective right now, but it's hard not to feel overwhelmed.

  28. Kazzl
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    22 December 2016 in reply to Owly McOwlface

    Hello Owly, welcome to the forum. I'm glad you joined us. It's a tough time of year isn't it.

    You're not a jerk, you're someone who's struggling right now. And that's very understandable if you're having a depressive time and money worries.

    Does your family know you're not well? Are you able to explain to them? You know, if you were struggling with a physical illness and couldn't manage presents people would understand. This is no different.

    Your gift to your family is you. Always. And you are enough.

    Do you see your doctor or a psychologist regularly? If you've been having treatment for a while it might be worth talking to your doc about whether it needs reviewing. I don't know if you're on medication, but sometimes with depression we need to get our drugs reviewed because they can lose efficacy over time and a new one might be needed. I've had to do that a couple of times over the years.

    How do you plan to spend Christmas Day Owly? We'll be here if you want some company.

    Very best to you, and I hope you keep posting. You sre amongst friends here.

    BTW, I love your name!

    Kaz

  29. Starwolf
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    23 December 2016

    Hi QBEE and Owly, good to meet you. It is always a pleasure to welcome new members on board.

    QBEE, I am grateful that people like you exist...thank you for your dedication and well done for your courage and resilience. I agree with Kaz, emotional detachment is more difficult to achieve when we are affected ourselves by the same issues than those we care for.

    Owly, reasonable, logical terms do not apply to mental conditions. No wonder those around us have trouble understanding what we are up against. It doesn't mean they don't love us. But yeah...not only does depression alienates us from our real selves, it can also make us feel isolated from our loved ones. But even without mental illness...can one person totally understand another ? We're all different so experience Life differently.

    When it comes to expressing your feelings, there are thousands ways of doing so. A right word at the right time, a hug, a smile, a gentle touch, the gift of your time etc...will win hands down over conventional presents. Ultimately, Xmas is more about spirit than material benefits. The commercial aspect of it is only the system taking advantage of this calendar date and enticing us to part with our money.

    Struggling doesn't make you a jerk. Battling it out against the odds is what heroes do.

    1 person found this helpful
  30. Lost Girl
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    23 December 2016 in reply to Moonstruck

    Dear Moon,

    Sending special thoughts and a hug to you. You are indeed a wonderful Mum, very thoughtful. Is the Dragon Slayer giving you some special attention? I hope so, you can't be your own rock.

    Thinking of you dear friend xx

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