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Join the online community Community rules Coping during the Coronavirus outbreak

Topic: Finally opening up

  1. BballJ
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    BballJ avatar
    2032 posts
    18 February 2018 in reply to Guest_0087

    Hi zimbos05,

    I have decided to come back to the forums and start giving it my effort I was giving prior to anything happening in my personal life. I need my structure back, one thing I am huge on is having structure in my life and routine and Beyond Blue was a routine for me and I wanted to get back into it. Help my mind. So please, go into what is happening with you because I do want to know.

    I appreciate your offer of help and believe me just talking with yourself and others on here helps me more than you know. Your level of care is much appreciated.

    Have you been golfing at all?

    My best,

    Jay

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Guest_0087
    Guest_0087 avatar
    224 posts
    20 February 2018 in reply to BballJ

    Hey Jay

    So glad to hear you are doing a bit better and getting back in to things for yourself. I can understand if it is a bit hard to get back in to it. Glad that I could be of some help, although I have not been doing much at all.

    Basically everything that can go wrong has been, and it is just knocking me further down. Work has taken a turn. I'm not enjoying it and it is affecting my depression. I can't seem to find anything else at the moment too. My health has not been going so well. My social circle is non existent. Have not been golfing in ages. I have not been feeling part of anything or any group lately. Not having luck with relationships too. Found out that my cousin is struggling with anxiety and panic attacks too. So yeah, basically everything that can go wrong, just has been. It's like every time I make some sort of the effort, the universe reminds me not to and just knocks me back about 50 steps.

    1 person found this helpful
  3. BballJ
    Community Champion
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    2032 posts
    22 February 2018 in reply to Guest_0087

    Hi zimbos05,

    I relate to everything you are saying, big time. I also feel I am getting knocked back so much. take a couple steps forward and then get dragged back. I know it is tough but this is the time when you have to stand up the most and really start looking forward. May I ask, do you enjoy your time alone? I mean as in when you are by yourself, do you enjoy your own company? Since my break up, I haven't had many friends reach out to me which has played on me a lot and made me very upset but I am starting to see what is good about being alone sometimes and just doing things yourself. It is never easy but if you can learn to be alone, it can be a great thing.

    My best,

    Jay

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Guest_0087
    Guest_0087 avatar
    224 posts
    24 February 2018 in reply to BballJ

    Hi Jay

    It is definitely a hard thing to do, especially when you feel like you are constantly going back. Sometimes you do keep standing up and going forward, but after a while you kind of wonder why.

    I do enjoy my alone time, sometimes. The thing is, I've often been alone for too long, if that makes sense. Even when I used to go to parties or be in crowds, I was always the odd one out, so I felt lonely even though I was surrounded. When I was with my ex, that was the first time in my life I didn't feel alone. I had her, I had a good group of friends from work. I was finally starting to find a group to fit in with, and I was enjoying that. I still have my group of work friends, but I also realised that still, sometimes being with them, you feel alone because they all are always with their partners or talk about their partners and planning things with their partners, or are not always free to hang out or do things etc etc.

    Don't get me wrong, there are times I enjoy just being by myself like binge watching a series, but I don't want that all the time. That is what I have the gym for, or golf for, or my tv shows. So I think I just want that balance with it now. I've never not been alone. I read a quote which resonated with me.

    "Loneliness isn't the physical absence of other people - it's the sense that you're not sharing anything that matters with anyone else. If you have lots of people around you - perhaps even a husband or a wife, or a family, or a busy workplace - but you don't share anything that matter with them, then you'll still be lonely"

    I hope that doesn't come across negative or anything like that. It's just something that resonated with me and when you asked that question, I thought it was so apt that I read that quote just two days ago.

    1 person found this helpful
  5. BballJ
    Community Champion
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    2032 posts
    27 February 2018 in reply to Guest_0087

    Hi zimbos05,

    I understand everything you are saying, I too have always been the odd one out. Part of my personality is that I give 110% to everyone I meet, which really sets me back because then I really only get about 80% back from others as much as I try. I totally get the whole being alone even with others as well. I can be out and realise I am alone, it is hard but I just fight through it. The quote is actually great and makes a lot of sense too. You just want to share the day to day stuff with your partner or really someone. Someone just simply asking how your day is, something as simple as that.

    How was your weekend?

    My best,

    Jay

  6. Guest_0087
    Guest_0087 avatar
    224 posts
    1 March 2018 in reply to BballJ

    Hi Jay

    I understand that feeling. I always give 100% to people and it can hurt when they don't reciprocate. I've learnt to deal with different people and who you can give that 100% to and who not to, but overall, I just feel to always be nice to people, be kind and generous, and try not to let the negative get in the way. No matter how much I am struggling, I will always try and put someone else first, and then struggle alone. So it can hurt when people do not do the same back. I guess that is also why we pine for someone. Someone to share those moments with and be able to be with.

    I worked all weekend and that meant I missed my cousins bachelors weekend, so not the most exciting. Was looking forward to a three day weekend this weekend but had to switch a shift, so now have to work the Sunday. Not ideal.

    How have things been with you?

  7. BballJ
    Community Champion
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    2032 posts
    4 March 2018 in reply to Guest_0087

    Hi zimbos05,

    Wow, what you wrote was as if you took the words out of my mind, I literally put everyone and their feelings first and worry about my own on my own because I feel it is just easier that way. I have always been like that so not new for me. I think we build up an expectation of how people should act towards us because we would do the same however we cannot do this because it will generally fail to meet that expectation thus hurting us again.

    Work sounds like it's been busy, sorry you missed the bachelor weekend that would of been fun. I haven't been doing much, kind of isolated at the moment just keeping to myself which is causing more grief but I will deal.

    My best,

    Jay

  8. Guest_0087
    Guest_0087 avatar
    224 posts
    5 March 2018 in reply to BballJ

    Hi Jay

    Totally agree. We expect as we give, and when we don't receive it can be quite shitty. The most important thing is that you don't change who you are. You keep being nice and good natured, and hopefully the right people will come around. Never lower yourself because others are that bad. You just learn how to deal with those who take and never be good in return.

    Work has been busy. There has been a massive change at the company and a lot of the staff in my store are not happy. The management have been abusing their power and it's not fair to the staff. So I have kind of been stepping up and trying to help everyone out where I can.

    Sometimes that isolation is good. Trust me, I understand isolation sucks. I have had it for almost 29 years and it is the worst. Sometimes it is good though. After you have had a rough patch or have been through a lot, sometimes you just need a little isolation to regather and regroup and reenergise and freshen up. So maybe use the time a bit to do things that would help with that, like going to the range, or spoiling yourself to a good lunch or something every now and again. Go enjoy a mid day movie and spoil yourself. I understand break ups. You know my story, and some times it still hurts, but you know that I am here if you need.

  9. BballJ
    Community Champion
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    2032 posts
    7 March 2018 in reply to Guest_0087

    Hi zimbos05,

    I think that is the right attitude, if you are good natured and enjoy being nice then keep being nice, I think you will attract the right people eventually. I find as you get older you start cutting people out of your life who aren't making your life better or making you be the best version of yourself possible.

    Change is a good thing, hopefully the staff can come out of it with some positivity. It is good you are stepping up and helping everyone, shows your true colours which is great.

    I agree about the isolation, it is needed and required sometimes, I reached out to an old friend this evening and he ended up calling me wanting to talk and turns out he just went through a bad break up with his ex cheating on him. We are going to catch up next week which will be good. Thank you for the offer of being there, like you, just talking really helps. Funny how it has gone 360 and you have now offering advice to me, which I must say, you are great at.

    My best,

    Jay

  10. Guest_0087
    Guest_0087 avatar
    224 posts
    10 March 2018 in reply to BballJ

    Hi Jay

    Yeah, I always think you lose nothing by being a good person, so why change that. It sounds like you are that type of person too, which is good, and you should always be like that. It is a hard thing to do, but I feel the more you learn who to cut out and who to keep, you can then find yourself not dealing with as many problems. The problem comes when you don't really have anyone left, but you are a nice person, and I feel like good people will always gravitate to you.

    Hopefully this change is good. My team leader announced she is leaving, so that has thrown another spanner in the works, but we'll just have to see how things go. Hopefully we get a nice team leader. It's been annoying because our assistant team leader has been behaving like a proper terrible person and it's not fun.

    That is fantastic. Obviously not what happened to him, but that you were able to reach out and have that reciprocated in a good way. Ideally would have been through different circumstances, but I guess this is one of those things where some good came through and you guys are catching up. You still have some friends there for you which is good.

    It's funny how life can work. Sometimes things can change so quickly and we don't realise it, but you were here for me when I wanted to end it all, the least I could do is be there for you through anything. Sometimes the hardship never ends, but at least having someone there can help. I used to look forward to your replies, and I know that it is not as regular these days, but we all have our own processes and work through things in the way we find comfortable. Always happy to help and listen.

  11. BballJ
    Community Champion
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    BballJ avatar
    2032 posts
    13 March 2018 in reply to Guest_0087

    Hi zimbos05,

    Once again, apologies for my delay in between posts, there has just been so much going on and I do apologise because I know you are repaying the thought of being there for me and it is very much appreciated.

    How has work been the past few days?

    I have been ok, going in and out of moods to be honest, tonight very angry and frustrated and just in general over everything. I guess I am sick of being a doormat for everyone, just take hit after hit and I am just expected to put up with it. If I bite back then I am the bad person. It is a tough cycle always trying to be the nice person.

    How has everything else been with you outside of work?

    My best,

    Jay

  12. Guest_0087
    Guest_0087 avatar
    224 posts
    14 March 2018 in reply to BballJ

    Hi Jay

    Are you kidding? You do not need to apologise to me. I know how hard things can be and I am really happy to see that you are still powering through and working through everything. I will be here as and when you need.

    Work has not been fun. I keep having run ins with my ATL and I am just not enjoying it at all. I wish I was able to find a new job easily because I can't really leave unless I find something else. So I am kind of stuck with it until something comes up.

    I know the feeling. Do not worry, there are people who appreciate you and I am sure they will come to the fore soon. Only the toughest get tested, and that is what is happening with you. I know the feeling too well of always trying to be the nice person. It is the same thing for me. It can be tiring to always have to deal with being that punching bag like you say.

    You will go through ups and down though. Some days can be easier than others. I still get some days which knock me so far down I wonder if I can get up. A lot of the time it is from missing my ex, but I feel like I am getting better at it, and hopefully I will find someone who makes me happy the way she did and makes me realise that she was the person who was not meant to be, but just to guide me .

    Always be the nice person. I know it does not often get appreciated in todays society, but if you stay true to yourself that is the main thing. It means that you are not becoming what the other people expect of you, and shows that you have true character and strength.

    It has not been so great. Just kind of going through each motion and hoping things can somethings somehow get better. Trying to work on finding or a new job or get back in to my writing so I can find a way out of this work hell other than that, just kind of trudging along.

  13. BballJ
    Community Champion
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    2032 posts
    14 March 2018 in reply to Guest_0087

    Hi zimbos05,

    Ahh work, doesn't it just make life that much more difficult, it is meant to be a somewhat escape from our personal life dramas but then things happen there that can bring us down just as quickly. Just keep looking and looking and applying for new roles, you are in a good position where you are out of work and desperate, you are still getting paid from this job and can look for another in the mean time, focusing on that positive is a good start.

    I agree with staying true to yourself, I won't change my personality for anyone, I have a small circle of friends who love me and that is ok. I am newly single as well so hoping to find that spark again and I have no doubt you will. It's amazing how you come here looking for advice and then you end up giving advice yourself. You are doing great and have come so far since you first starting posting here. It is very refreshing.

    You will meet someone new as well and this person will come along and make you wonder if it is possible to even be this happy. All in time, just need to keep focusing on yourself and learning to just love yourself.

    My best,

    Jay

  14. Guest_0087
    Guest_0087 avatar
    224 posts
    15 March 2018 in reply to BballJ

    Hi Jay

    I know right, work, it's such a funny little temptress. I had two days off and on those days off I was doing things and getting what I needed to be done and I felt good. Today was my first back at work and I was feeling a bit pumped and excited for it, but within an hour I was so over work and not wanting to be there anymore. I think I truly realised how much I need to leave and find something, so hopefully I can find something soon.

    Yeah, finding that spark. I'm probably not the best to give advice on it. I'm terrible at the whole dating game and always get anxious or nervous around people, so i'm just the worst at it, but I'm sure someone as kind hearted and caring as you will have those qualities shine through and someone will see that. It's good that you have that close friend circle to fall on as well when you need. Haha, it's a funny circle. You were there for me in my time of need, the least I can do is be here in yours, even if I may not do as good a job as you did or others may do.

    I know I probably sound like a broken record about finding someone. I'm sorry, I think it's just because I am ready for something like that. For example this evening I babysat my cousins twins and I just felt comfortable. I read to them and then put them to bed. Then I went and watched a movie and I just felt comfortable being in that environment, but was just missing another person. Someone who after putting the kids to bed would be waiting to watch the movie with. So I think it's one of the biggest things for me. I've never been a money guy or a chase the flashiest things. I've always been a family guy. Don't necessary need a family now, but even just not having that significant other too I guess is one of the things that hurts, more than whether I get the promotion or earn six figures, my team wins or not, or have the newest model phone etc etc...

  15. Saliormoon09
    Saliormoon09 avatar
    1 posts
    6 August 2019

    I really hope someone comes back to this post it all resonate with me.

    Iwasjust watching a mind valley about a guy who had terminal cancer as a child but still made something of himself.

    Watching make me feel shit how can I make something special of my life when I feel so unimportant to everyone. I am lost I want to help

    Listing to a guy on the radio that goes to schools to change stimgma

    I want to do that for adults iWork I the mining industry and I see Sood my fellow workers taking lots of time off and I worrie im taking to much time. Imran I wish we could pauselife to heal ourselves.

    I have been in an abusive relationship which through me bit I have never had time to heal as I have kids and a new partner

    Need help

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