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Forums / Long term support over the journey / I NEED SOME ADVICE/HELP

Topic: I NEED SOME ADVICE/HELP

  1. demonblaster
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    24 October 2017 in reply to Nellym
    Hey Nelly , have just read the whole thread, thx telling me yeah I wanted to know more about you.

    I care too darl, don't want you to be in such a horrid place.

    You've made some really good progress, ditching the GP, hubby going with you, pushing through not wanting too when so low but going anyway, talking here, ringing. This is all strong survival that you may not think but you're using strength. Good on you. Keep it rolling. Baby steps is right.

    Very sorry to hear of the loss of your Aunty, very hard isn't it. Someone said to me when I lost my darling of 28 yrs to leukaemia the person may leave but the love never does. Wow, one of those amazing things that you hear with such clarity. Sound

    So happy to read your hubby is dealing better than you thought he would. It would all be a shock to him, the fact he's supporting you is Gold. You're worth it girl

    You probs don't think you are but you really are doing well under crap circumstances, you're getting help and you ARE strong, you WILL make it.

    You have so much great support and care :) xx
    2 people found this helpful
  2. Nellym
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    211 posts
    24 October 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Thanks DB,

    Thanks for taking the time to read through my thread. Like everyone I have my ups and downs. Just more downs at the moment, but I will get there eventually. Thanks for all your words of encouragement, appreciate them a lot

    Nell

    1 person found this helpful
  3. demonblaster
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    24 October 2017 in reply to Nellym

    More downs atm with good reason hun.

    You're very welcome, I do care, don't wanna see anyone feeling so low. Empathy.

    One good thing about time is it takes us into an unknown future. Hope :) xx

    1 person found this helpful
  4. White Rose
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    White Rose avatar
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    24 October 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Hello DB

    Love your posts.

    Mary

    1 person found this helpful
  5. demonblaster
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    25 October 2017 in reply to White Rose
    Hey Rose, thankyou :D lovely of you to say

    You've been very supportive to Nelly here and I've seen you around the traps, ditto. Good on you xx
    2 people found this helpful
  6. Nellym
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    211 posts
    25 October 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Hi DB and Mary,

    So have had some bad side effects to the meds I have been placed on unfortunately. Had lots of SI, nausea, headaches, dizziness, flashbacks, sleeplessness. So a whole range of things. Spoke to psychiatrist today and have to trust that he knows what he is doing as I have to try and ride it out. So very down at the moment but am hoping in time that they help me and bring me out of this depressive state that I find myself in.

    Thanks again to you both for your support and encouragement. Just have to play the waiting game now.

  7. demonblaster
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    25 October 2017 in reply to Nellym
    Ughh sound harsh Nelly, as you say putting trust in psychiatrist. Let's hope. You're well and truly due for a break and some happiness hun.

    Hope it doesn't take too much longer to adjust to them poor darl.

    xx
    yw btw :)

  8. White Rose
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    White Rose avatar
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    25 October 2017 in reply to Nellym

    Hello Nell

    Medication side effects can be horrible. I have lost count of the meds I have trialled. While you may side effects when you start taking meds they often go away after a few weeks. This is your body adjusting itself to a new way of operating. It is useful to stick with it for a few weeks. The good thing is the effects may go, or you can stop taking them and try something else.

    Trusting your psychiatrist and being completely open with him are two hard to do things. Are you keeping a record of your symptoms? I ask because this can help the psych with his decision to change your meds or not. It's also good for you as you can look at what is happening and observe any changes. I believe six weeks is the usual time for ADs to fully kick in. Of course the effect is gradually starting to work so you should be noticing a small improvement which gradually builds up as you get accustomed to the new regime.

    Flashbacks, nausea, sleeplessness and headaches are really the pits. May I suggest you treat each of these individually. Small frequent meals for the nausea, pain relief for the headaches. Sorry if I am saying something you already do.

    Write when you can. I will be here.

    Mary

    1 person found this helpful
  9. Nellym
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    211 posts
    26 October 2017 in reply to White Rose

    Hi Mary (DB)

    Keeping record of everything for psychiatrist. Been trying to deal with symptoms, More symptoms have come up but can't talk about them yet. Over everything, just want it to end.

  10. demonblaster
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    26 October 2017 in reply to Nellym

    Yeah that's the bottom Nelly, take it out of the equation then there's only one way to go, UP.

    It's in us. We've got strenghth, pull it up. Don't let depression make you give up. You're stronger than it is. Believe

    YOU Can kick this, THERE'S BETTER

    2 people found this helpful
  11. Quercus
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    27 October 2017 in reply to Nellym

    Hi Nell,

    Waiting it out is the hardest part. I'm there with you (waiting waiting for an end to this slump). What is helping?

    Keeping busy and not expecting much of myself. My goal is safety thats it. If that means the kids eat a lot of toasted sandwiches so be it.

    Little steps Nell. One hour at a time if need be. You will get through this. Take good care of yourself please.

    ❤ Nat

    1 person found this helpful
  12. Nellym
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    211 posts
    27 October 2017 in reply to Quercus

    Hi Nat

    Small steps is all I can take in this cruel waiting game. The nights and days are blending as one and sleep doesn't bring any relief, just more painful nightmares. My goal too Nat is safety and I am trying to fight this with every last bit of me.

    Nell

    1 person found this helpful
  13. demonblaster
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    27 October 2017 in reply to Nellym

    Nelly sorry if I do know answer, are you talking to anyone face on/ ph/psych? Keep goin here as often as ya want & need you're gettin it out
    Sounds like you went through some really hard stuff Nell listening let it rip darl you're doing well letting bits out crap needs an out
    I'm learning depression. Slowly working on getting on top. BP (Bipolar) it's very deep hell long way to go but getting there
    We've got fight in us

    Sinking chook aye. Take charge you've gotta get back up
    Hard logical self talk
    You got this chooky . Believe. Gives us rope to pull up

    1 person found this helpful
  14. Nellym
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    211 posts
    27 October 2017 in reply to demonblaster

    Hi DB,

    I see a psychologist weekly, a psychiatrist every 3 weeks and GP every 2 weeks so have support around me. Do they help, I don't know but will keep turning up to appointments.

    But another day is here so will just keep taking those baby steps and hope for the best.

    Nell

    1 person found this helpful
  15. demonblaster
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    27 October 2017 in reply to Nellym
    Thx darl , sorry brains a bit fuzzy atm but ok.

    good on you baby steps way to go. Not putting pressure on ourselves is a biggy

    Hope todays better xx
  16. White Rose
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    White Rose avatar
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    28 October 2017 in reply to Nellym

    Hello Nell

    I keep apologising for not keeping up with you. I really want be there when you need someone because I know how hard it is on your own. I've had a tough time lately especially this week as my two GP are leaving the practice. They are most unhappy and I gather it is internal problems. Still that leaves me without a GP and both have been so supportive. Been with one for 15 years. I think they are far more upset than me because they are good doctors.

    Good that you have that support round you. You need people who know and understand what is happening. Sometimes it seems these bad patches will never end which makes us feel even worse. When I broke my kneecap I knew that if I did certain exercises I would recover in so many weeks. Splint removed from leg, down to one crutch. They were measurable goals. If only it could work that way in depression.

    Keep going my dear. Life will get better, just not at the time you expect.

    Quercus haven't heard from you for a while. Is everything OK.

    Mary

    2 people found this helpful
  17. Nellym
    Nellym avatar
    211 posts
    8 August 2018 in reply to White Rose

    Well it has been a long time since I posted on here but thought I would do an update.

    Have had 2 hospital stays since my last post, one for 2 weeks and the last just awhile ago for 3 weeks. Looking back, both were needed as my safety was compromised severely.

    All my meds have been changed and the new combination of meds seems to be helping more. My night meds are helping in getting me to sleep but still have issues of staying asleep and are still often woken by nightmares.

    My SH is still highish, but has decreased since the last hospital visit so slowly improving.

    So I am still going along slowly, trying to fight this MI one day at a time. Seeing psychologist weekly and psychiatrist every 3 weeks is helping at the moment. Am doing a course for my mental health too which hopefully will teach me to manage my mental illness better, especially in times of distress.

    I hope everyone is travelling along ok and can see some happiness in their days.

    Nell

    3 people found this helpful
  18. demonblaster
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    8 August 2018 in reply to Nellym

    Hey Nellym good to see you and thanks for the update ☺

    Wow you've been doing it hard haven't you. So glad you have steady support, fantastic hearing some cracks of light coming through. Does sound like you're on the way back up, good on you.

    Look after yourself Nell it's worth the time and effort isnt it. All the best with your course. Sounding like another move in the right direction.

    Care 🌹

    🕊

    3 people found this helpful
  19. Nellym
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    211 posts
    16 July 2019 in reply to demonblaster

    Its been awhile since I have been on here and a long time since coming on this thread.

    I am struggling to find reasons to continue this fight. I don't have the strength left in me. I try everyday to restart and try and think of it as a new day but my thoughts are down a bottomless hole that is dark and frightening. There are no more tears to shed.

    I don't expect anyone to respond.

    1 person found this helpful
  20. Nellym
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    211 posts
    17 July 2019 in reply to Nellym

    I am self sabotaging myself. I am not taking my meds properly and making myself throw up after every meal.

    Today I did something to sabotage myself even more. I have lost control of my myself.

    1 person found this helpful
  21. White Rose
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    White Rose avatar
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    17 July 2019 in reply to Nellym

    Dear Nell

    So sad to learn you are not travelling well and have had a couple of stays in hospital. How did they go? Not the best place to be but it keeps you safe and sometimes being completely cared for is good.

    Do you know why you are self-sabotaging? Has something dreadful happened? Or have you become overwhelmed by a the weight of your past? I am so sad to for you.

    I take it you are still seeing your psychiatrist and psychologist. What do they say? Please tell them how you are feeling and what you are doing. Is your husband supporting you? Sorry about all the questions. I don't usually ask them much but I am concerned about you. I have been thinking you were getting well and that was why you had not posted. So horrible for you.

    Please talk to us here. You know it's a safe place and we can offer support.

    Hope to hear from you soon.

    Mary

    3 people found this helpful
  22. Nurse Jenn
    Health professional
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    17 July 2019 in reply to Nellym

    Hi Nellym,

    I just came across your post. I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling. It sounds like you have been on a rollercoaster ride feeling better a few months back and now today, feeling worse. We are here for you and listening. You are not alone.

    Mary has asked some great questions that might help us understand how to support you better. I also wonder if calling and talking with someone tonight may give you a bit of relief, even in this moment and help you to stay safe? There is a support called the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 or Lifeline on 13 11 14 - both are available 24/7. Sometimes talking about the level of pain you are in can offer temporary relief even if it is to get you through to the next moment.

    Please keep us posted about how you are and if you were able to call a support line.

    Wishing you the best possible outcome,

    Nurse Jenn

    3 people found this helpful
  23. smallwolf
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    smallwolf avatar
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    18 July 2019 in reply to Nellym

    Hi Nellym,

    I am new to your thread/story, and have read the replies from Mary and Nurse Jenn. They way it seems from these and the other posts I have read is that seems your life is a roller-coaster of ups and downs. Is this correct?

    Mary asked your about your professional support. I would like to asking (hope you don't mind) whether you can remember any coping mechanism they might have shown you. While I might not have done the things you mentioned in your post, I know it is hard to remember or do the things you might have been told to do.

    Please let us know how you are going,

    Tim

    3 people found this helpful
  24. Quercus
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    18 July 2019 in reply to Nellym

    Hi Nelly,

    I'm glad you came here to write again. It doesn't matter how long you don't post for... Just that when you felt you needed help you returned to ask for it. Thank you for letting us know what is happening for you.

    You mentioned not feeling in control. And specifically sabotaging yourself and your meds. This worries me too. You know yourself best and know whether you are at risk better than anyone. Have you considered whether hospital might be necessary at the moment? It is ok to ask for help.

    You wrote about not feeling strong enough to keep trying and yet here you are doing what you can to be safe. That IS strength even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

    Have you still got people around you who can support you offline too? At very low times I have asked hubby to make sure I take my medication. Is this an option? If you know you're sabotaging yourself it can help to know someone is checking.

    As to the 'something else' that has sabotaged you... Do you want to talk about it? It's ok if you don't. Just remember we're not judging here and happy to listen. Goodness knows I'm far from perfect.

    I hope you're safe.

    ❤Nat

    2 people found this helpful
  25. White Rose
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    White Rose avatar
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    19 July 2019 in reply to Nellym

    Dear Nell

    How are you going? We would all love to hear from you and to know you are safe.

    Can you tell us what is happening? It is hard having support via this forum and I hope you have more immediate support available. Nat said she asks her husband to make sure she takes her meds. Can you ask your husband to do the same? Not because you are incapable but to help you take the meds regularly. It does work better if you take them at regular intervals and keep going.

    You said "Today I did something to sabotage myself even more. I have lost control of my myself." Can you give some more information? Not being pushy and only write about it if you want to do this. We have all indulged in self-sabotage at times, sometimes without realising it. However you can get past it and get back on track. I know it's hard and I so wish I could hold your hand, so to speak. We are here when you want to talk. This is a safe place for you.

    The two phone numbers Nurse Jenn gave you are good. When you are feeling particularly bad please phone one of them. I have often phoned the SCBS when my depression was at its worst and found them most helpful. It's so reassuring to know the person you are speaking to does understand what you are going through. And more to the point, can offer helpful suggestions.

    Please drop us a line.

    Mary

    3 people found this helpful
  26. Nellym
    Nellym avatar
    211 posts
    22 July 2019 in reply to White Rose

    Thanks to all for your replies.

    I am still seeing my psychologist and psychiatrist. I am really trying to stay out of hospital, at least for awhile, but do know that it is there as a last resort.

    I am trying not to sabotage myself or do any SH but it is hard not to. I have a safety plan in place that I have been using. I have been using SCBS and they have helped get me through some really dark times. It is just a matter of taking each day as it comes and taking it hour by hour.

    Hopefully this down won't last and there will be some light at the end of the tunnel. I know I have to try and hang on for those that love me.

    1 person found this helpful
  27. smallwolf
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    23 July 2019 in reply to Nellym

    Hi Nellym,

    seeing both a psychiatrist and psychologist is helpful. I also have one of each that I see. Just remember we are always here to listen and respond. It may take some time to make it to the end of the tunnel, but you get closer, the light becomes a little brighter. I am hopeful you will make it to the end of the tunnel, however long it might be.

    Tim

    2 people found this helpful
  28. Nellym
    Nellym avatar
    211 posts
    30 July 2019 in reply to smallwolf
    Just when I think things can't get much worse they do.
    My H isn't coping with me and that makes it my fault my fault that he has to go through this. It is not fair on him not anyone else to put up with me.
    The last thing I want to do is say something that would devastate them
    The time has come to improve their lives and not have to worry about me each and every day.
    Thanks to each one of you for your kinds words. They have helped a lot.
    Goodbye
    1 person found this helpful
  29. Sophie_M
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    6162 posts
    30 July 2019 in reply to Nellym
    Hi Nellym, it's good to see you back to seek support.  Your message has us very worried, though, as it sounds like you are thinking about harming yourself again.  You mention above that you have a safety plan - now is the time to activate that plan and use the strategies in there to keep yourself safe.  We would also urge you to get in touch with a real-time support service like the Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467 or Lifeline 13 11 14 as we are not able to provide that instant support here on the forums.

    We will be here to listen to you again once you've made that contact and started on the road to ride out these feelings, which you have managed to do before.  Please let us know in your next post how we can best help and support you here on the forums, even if it's just to provide the kind words that have helped you in the past.

     
    2 people found this helpful
  30. White Rose
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    White Rose avatar
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    30 July 2019 in reply to Nellym

    Dear Nelly

    Please reply to us. I am very concerned about you and your post above.

    It's not your fault you are unwell. I do get that your husband is concerned but leaving now for this reason will not make the situation better. Everyone will be devastated.

    I know when I had these thoughts I was told to think of my family and it did not help. Please stay with us for your sake. H no doubt gets tired. We all do for various reasons when there is lots of stress in our lives. Please go to your nearest hospital or call 000 for an ambulance. Ask H to take you to hospital.

    Please reply soon.

    Mary

    2 people found this helpful

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