Hi Starwolf,

Thank you for highlighting those differences between school and work. It sounds like you have a really interesting job (I'm not really a pet person though). I suppose I want to end up in IT somewhere. This is my only real interest.

I am very confused about last night. I had received NAPLAN results, as well as class selection results for next year. In NAPLAN, I received the highest possible marks for grammar and mathematics, as well as in the top section (the marks they provide are very vague) for almost everything else. For class selection, I received computer science, graphic design and engineering. These were my 3 first choices, though engineering was the 'least worst'.

I was the happiest I had been in a while (not saying much though), but 5 minutes later, I had broken my week long streak of not self harming. I was back where I had started. I couldn't even tell you why- I don't know.

Thanks again so much,

-Night

Hi Night - I'm very glad you've got your head on straight about drugs and alcohol mate. I thought as much because you're so mature, but I needed to say it, knowing the potential of pressures on young people. It's very sad about your grandad, but as a now-sober alcoholic I know the only person who can make him stop is him. Alcoholism is a cruel and all-consuming thing. You know, if you think it might help you, you could check out AA's organisation for family members of alcoholics - Al Anon I think they're called.

Well done on getting into computer science and graphic design! That's great! Is that for next year? WHat else will you be studying? I hope you enjoy it mate.

I still think your approach with the bully is right - reasoning and dignity. He might not get it, but no one can control how another person thinks or feels and although you suffer the effects, he is the one with the problem. You can hold you head up knowing you are a much better person than he is.

I understand fear of the unkown, we all go through that. No-one ever really knows what the outcome of an action might be. Even the most confident adult is fearful of consequences. Sometimes we just have to take the risk and trust that an action or a conversation will lead to something better, a positive change. Thing is, if we don't try, we'll never know. Keep thinking about it mate, no-one should have to put up with what you're experiencing and there are good people around who will help you.

I hope your day is OK today Night. I'll be thinking of you.

Kaz

Kudos to you for your NAPLAN and class selection results. I hope you feel proud of yourself. I am confident you will apply your intelligence and creativity to whatever you choose to do. Being interested in your work and doing it well is sure to bring a sense of purpose and achievement into your life. It is also a good way to gain self-confidence and respect.

Bullies are insecure people, that's why they feel the need to have control over others. There is a strong possibility that your response does have an impact (even a delayed reaction) but this is kept hidden under a show of scorn. As Kazz pointed out, other people's reactions are out of your hands. The important thing is that YOU can walk away with head held high.

Sometimes it seems we're taking one step forward and 2 backwards. Just like with every thing else, persistence is the key. Gradually, things will even out and later you will take 2 steps forward and 1 backwards etc...A self-harm free week is an achievement to be acknowledged and celebrated. Well done ! Please remember that small victories will accumulate over time into major breakthroughs. Occasional setbacks are inevitable. They don't mean defeat.

Have a good weekend.

Hiya Night, just wondering how you are mate. Hope to hear from you.

Kaz

Hi Kaz,

Sorry for the delay- my internet has been a bit dodgy this weekend so I have been unable to respond.

With th regards to my grandad, I don't think there's any hope for him quitting alcohol. Sometimes, even when he is so clearly drunk, when my mum questions him about whether he's had anything to drink or not, he flat out denies it. It's hard to tell if he's lying to her, himself or both.

Computer science and graphic design are muted optionals for next school year. My school is weird in the fact that, the fourth term of the calendar year is the first tee of the school year. This is intended to give year twelves an extra term to learn their course's contents before exams. So next term I am starting computer science and graphic design. Since I am only in year ten, maths, science, English, humanities (economics, law, geography, history), sport and biblical studies are still compulsory.

This fear of the unknown is so frustrating some times. No matter what I do, I always evaluate the pros, cons, risks, etc. If something is eve slightly risky, I won't do it. I can't explain it, but I am so paranoid that things will go wrong. For example, even for this forum, I made a new email address that I don't use, just so no one can find the emails on my phone etc. Even in every day life, I find myself not doing things because I am afraid of the consequences.

Thanks again ain for your support,

-Night

Hi Starwolf,

As I mentioned in my response to Kaz, I have had dodgy internet connection this weekend, so I am sorry for the delay.

Thanks for your response regarding NAPLAN/ class selection. I find it interesting how scared people get about NAPLAN and other tests. I quite like the challenge to be honest. I find class work really easy, though I know I am lucky to think this. Due to my high marks, I don't have to do the follow up test next year. The follow up is attempted twice a year until the student passes it. School has been an interesting ride for me. While I have always done well, I have varied between enjoying it and not. When I first started getting bullied (year 2 or 3 I think), I stopped liking school. Over time I grew to like it again, though I have been bullied since, even through 3 different schools. In year 7, I really enjoyed school again. Maths, English, science, you name it, I loved it. But this year particularly, my enjoyment for all subjects except maths has completely disappeared. I don't like English because I have a mean teacher. I don't like humanities because I don't like the course. I don't like science (one of my old favourite subjects) because that's one of the classes I have with the bullies, and my teacher is so oblivious. I still really enjoy maths though, so that's a start right? I also think the speech I have mentioned previously is tomorrow, so I am petrified about that.

While I know there is no way to change it, I wish there was a way to see that moment of realisation when the bullies realise how wrong what they have been doing is. It's so frustrating, because there's no way to react to get them to stop that doesn't resort in some form of trouble. Trying to get my point across verbally doesn't work because they don't care. The only other way I can see is violence, but I know that doesn't solve anything. All that would get is a one way trip to the principle's office (something I wouldn't be able to handle). It seems like there's nothing I can do aside from wait another 3 years until I'm finished with school.

Recently I have become friends with some year 11's in my school. We have similar interests (computers etc), and we spend a lot of time playing games together. Only problem is, I won't be able to speak to them for the next 2 weeks because they have exams. I know it may seem minor, but it means I have to go back to the immature, cruel group of people in my year that I am 'friends' with.

Thanks again,

-Night

I know what you mean re dodgy internet. I have a satellite connection here, which means I find myself offline whenever the weather is too overcast. Being surrounded by mountains probably doesn't help.

Sorry I've been flat out with work and other stuff. I'll get back to you tomorrow. I just wanted to wish you good luck for tomorrow. My thoughts will be with you.

I am having to rewrite this post (along with a post from the 6th of September).

Well I suppose this post serves as a 'I'm still here' (sadly)

Just when I thought life couldn't get worse, it did. In my first post here, I mentioned a friend of mine. The single person on this planet I trusted. As soon as I started feeling depressed/ self harming, he knew about it. I mentioned him growing distant after he had recovered and my mental state had stabilised somewhat. Well I finally found out why. I received a message informing me of his suicide. I knew it was a joke. It had to be right? Wrong. None of his accounts have been touched since that message. I knew he was depressed. In my lowest point, I saw he was on a decline again. I hoped he would kill himself. It would make my suicide easier right? Wrong. The guilt is unbearable. While I want to die more, I still can't. Double guessing and seeing the flaws in every suicide method. I did this to him. I did this to his family. I did this to me. I killed the one person I cared for, even if he was never around.

Also, my dad asked me to do something he knows I hate. He knows it makes me incredibly uncomfortable. When I got annoyed and refused he kept harassing me (verbally), insulting me and belittling me. As I grew increasingly frustrated, my mum yelled at me to stop being so childish. If someone tries to annoy me, am I not allowed to get annoyed??

Oh Night, that is the worst thing someone could hear. I am really sorry for your friend, for you, and his family and friends.

I don't want to dwell too much because I think trying to rationalise it doesn't get anywhere, but I really want to emphasise that this is not your fault at all. Suicide is something which turns everyone into a victim and you are as much a victim as his family and friends. This is absolutely not your fault at all, nor anybody's fault. It is simply a very very sad situation in which we need time to grieve a lost friend or family member.

I am really worried about you my friend. For this to happen at a time when you're already vulnerable, and to hear about what's happening at home - yes you are completely entitled to be annoyed when your needs are not being met - I just hope you can keep coming to talk to us. It gave me great comfort to see you post again, and I hope you can continue to do so.

Can I ask if you've had a chance to talk to any school counsellors or the BeyondBlue support line?

I'd also like to invite you to join me at the Friends Cafe in the BB Social Zone Board. There's a bunch of us in high school and uni just having a chat and it can help you take your mind off things. Some people post a lot and others only rarely, but it's nice just to say hello and see how people are going. Would you want to come and introduce yourself if you feel comfortable?

James

Hey Night, it is good to see you posting again but I wish it would be in different circumstances. I understand your grief. I wish I had something more to offer but I don't. Words become redundant. All I can do is be here for you if you need to talk.

Blaming yourself for your friend's death is an error of judgment. Ultimately, we all have a choice. When this choice is a matter of life and death, you're on your own, outside influence doesn't come into it. If it did, no one would choose to put their loved ones through this, no one.

It sounds like the situation at home remains unchanged. Living with this conflict doesn't help at all. My heart goes out to you as I know all too well how infuriating it can be...when the light at the end of the tunnel is the thought that living under the parents' roof won't last forever. One day, you too will be glad you stuck it out.

James's suggestion to visit the Friends Cafe is a good one. There or elsewhere, I hope you can find friends whose positive outlook can lift you up rather than bring you down.

A long, heartfelt cyber hug will have to do for now, if you will accept it.

I'm a horrible person. I am inconsiderate. I am uncaring. I am stupid. I am to blame when something goes wrong.

This is just some of the things I have been told. I tell myself I don't care. I do care. I am so sick of people telling me I am less than them. And then they harass me when I don't respond. "Why don't you respond? Got nothing to say? You know I'm right?" I don't respond because I see no point wasting my time by only making a situation worse. How do you challenge someone who is socially accepted and expected as being superior to you? I feel I respond it's 'talking back', if I don't, I'm weak.

My my parents have always had a go at me for not having many friends. After finally finding a group of people I enjoy spending time with, my parents are now getting annoyed at me for spending too much time my friends and not enough with them. I am convinced that this is because the way we enjoy spending time together is through online video games, rather than meeting each other at a park or each other's houses etc. I also don't see why they get so mad at me for not spending time with them when they are at work all day, making dinner or watching tv. They leave no time open to the point where I have no idea when they think I can be around. And if there is nothing they want me to do, why can't I spend that time talking with friends? I just don't understand people some times.

In other news, I broke an almost month-long streak of not self harming :(

When I finally thought I was getting over it and beginning to think it was pointless, I made the mistake of trying it again.

I just don't see the point. It seems like people do whatever they can to take advantage of, and cripple me. I think the only reason I post here is because it is the only positive influence in my life, so thank you.

Hey Night,

Here's a gem I got from your post:

"I don't respond because I see no point wasting my time by only making a situation worse."

Name-calling and putting people down is just a downright terrible situation, and they are doing this to you and you are walking away. You may have a whole variety of reasons for it, but at the end of the day, it's tough to walk away but you're doing it nonetheless. That deserves recognition and my whole hearted admiration.

You also called reverting back to self-harming as a mistake. I am glad that you recognise that, but also that you're willing to admit it. That shows that you are aware, and awareness is the first step to fixing any problem. We all make mistakes and we make them time and time again. The main thing is that we figure it out in the end. And to be honest, the big glaring issue here isn't even the self-harm. It's the fact that so many people around you are causing you distress. So while I'm sad to see the month-long break come to an end, I am not at all upset and I hope you can just be proud that you went for so long. Here's a secret I'm not proud to admit - I lost $10,000 on sports gambling a few months ago and, after a 2 month break, I threw some money into it again yesterday. I'm going to just withdraw what I have left and hopefully take another long break. So I guess we're both in the same boat.

About talking to friends and such - I think there's nothing wrong with talking to your friends while playing games online. I recently just fixed my graphics card and I've started playing League of Legends again. While I don't know anyone, its just my way of zoning out. And most of my interaction with people tends to be via message anyway since I'm always at work or just bumming around at home. To me, how you spend your time with friends is entirely up to you.

Night, the reason why I post on your thread is because I see someone worth talking to and helping in any way I can. And I think everyone here would agree with me on that. You're absolutely deserving of respect.

You mentioned you're in year 10 going into year 11? Are you looking forward to computer science and graphic design? Sounds like there's a bit of creativity in you!

James

Hello Night - I have been thinking about you and wondering how you were. You're back with us under terrible circumstances, and I wish that was different, but I am so very glad you're back.

As others have said, and I wholeheartedly agree, your friend's suicide was not your fault. Not in any way. Not your fault. You did not cause it nor contribute to it. Only the person concerned makes the decision to end their life. No one else is responsible. Please understand that. And guilt serves no purpose in such a situation. I know it's hard to let go of feelings of guilt, but you really must try. It helps no one.

You are still here my friend. You still have that positive future ahead of you. You have talent, insight, sensitivity, intelligence beyond your years, and you are stronger than you know. I'm sorry to hear you're self-harming again. But, the thing is, you have taken control of it before and you can again. And I believe you will.

I'm glad you have a group of friends you enjoy spending time with. To my mind it doesn't matter whether they are online or in the flesh so to speak. What matters is what you share together and how being with them makes you feel.

How's the schoolwork going mate? Do you have any end-of-year exams coming up? Oh how I hated them at school 😀. Unlike you, I was useless at maths (still am) and a maths exam was like torture to me. I think it was calculus that finally did me in - that's when maths and I parted ways and I dropped it as a subject.

Stay with us mate. I really am relieved and pleased to see you again.

Kaz

Hi James,

Thanks for your response. I appreciate your support in leaving a situation I find would be made worse with a response, but it's a shame that when I do, I am considered weak etc.

You mentioned that being aware of the negative impacts related to self harm was a good thing. I struggle to see how this helps if, in the heat of the moment, I don't care about them. I am sorry to hear about your gambling. I have a friend who spent a fair amount of his parents money gambling with Counter Strike skins.

You mentioned that you play league of legends. Are there any other games you play? The main few I play are Overwatch, Guitar Hero and Counter Strike (with some Call of Duty Zombies here and there). When I play, I mainly talk with friends, though I will communicate with my team if it's necessary for a win. What graphics card do you have? I built my PC last year and have a GTX960.

Not sure if I have previously made it unclear, but I am in year 9 going into year 10, though because my school seems to want to be difficult decided to make the 4th term of the calendar year the first term of the academic year. Due to this, I am starting year 10 on Tuesday (I am on holidays now).

It's great just having someone to talk to, especially since my only good friend took his life.

Thanks again

-Night

Hi Kaz,

Thank you for your kind words. It has been good having a group of friends who don't know about my other friend who took his life. To be able to relax and get my mind off it has been amazing. While I don't want to forget him, for the moment I feel it beneficial to not think about it all day everyday.

As far as school goes, I have already finished year 9 (as mentioned in my response to James). I don't mind exams. In fact I really enjoy maths tests as it is actually challenging, unlike most of our class work. It is frustrating though that my parents are unhappy with straight A's. 'You could do better if you tried harder' is a comment I've heard too many times. 6th highest rating in my year for English, 5th in maths, what more do they want?! As far as dropping subjects go, I believe that starts in either year 11 or 12 as Maths, English, Science, Economics, History and Geography are still compulsory. When I can, I hope to drop history, geography and economics.

Thanks again,

-Night

Night, I am sooo glad you have found a group of friends you can relate to...not feeling so alone will help you recover from trauma.

Those who consider you weak have got it all wrong (though they won't admit it, even to themselves). In reality, it takes far more courage to walk away from controversy than indulge in it. Timely retreat is a wise, courageous move. The trouble is, it takes more insight than they can muster. You have it and they don't. I know being misunderstood is painful but you're in the right in this situation while they have no idea what they're doing...never mind why they're doing it ! You can't make people see what they refuse to see.

Your parents seem very demanding. I am familiar with how this feels too...my own family was the same. I was 2 years ahead of my peer, had to apply for special permissions to sit exams but was never good enough. Makes you wonder why you're bothering sometimes, but you're doing it for YOU, not them. It is YOUR future, not theirs. Good on you for enjoying a challenge...it shows your spirit.

Night, you have so much to offer, so much potential ! All considering (and even without due recognition), I think you are doing remarkably well. It may sound cliche but there's no better way to say it...you're definitely much stronger than you think.

Hey Night,

I know what you mean about being in the heat of the moment and not caring about the consequences. I think it's just a matter of being aware so when we're not in the heat of the moment, we still have a barometer. At least it's better than never knowing and can be a source of strength as we slowly move away from these impulses.

Oh I didn't know people still played Counter Strike! I used to play CS 1.6 at our nearby internet cafe, haha. I have Left For Dead 2 which I used to play with friends (but don't anymore), otherwise Halo (I have 1,2,3,reach) on my Xbox, and I have Guitar Hero Metallica on Xbox. Are you just computer or do you have a console as well? Is Overwatch good?

Oh I built my computer a few years back as well. I'm running it on one of the better Intel i5's and a Radeon R9 270. I used to have a nvidia 9600 GT on my old computer until I upgraded. I think your GTX960 is a bit better than mine, but pretty close? Are you running intel or amd?

Ooh okay so it's like how in year 11, term 4 is actually year 12? Ah yeah, my parents are ultrademanding too. It's very unfair, but if it's worth anything, I think you're doing very well with straight A's and those rankings.

I'm glad to be talking to you :) I get a bit lonely sometimes (often) so it's nice even just to have a chat.

James

Hi Night,

I have only been on a few days now, so I'm New.

I just read the threads of yours going back 2 months now, you seem like an intelligent person.

First of all, sorry for loss of your dear friend. Secondly you are kind to tolerate your granddad despite his condition, seriously, he should be in rehab or in an aged care home with the correct help. Your parents don't think of their children's health.

Even though you are having things tough, you are still getting good grades at school, well done! Social settings can be difficult for people who anxiety, it's not your fault.

I grew up in a rough household and was glad to leave at 18, even than I was bullied at work, but I have learnt to cope with good friends and keeping toxic people out of my life.

Being a teenager is a difficult part of growing up, body is changing with hormones and than responsibilities which you shouldn't have to deal with, do are doing well.

Keep chatting on here, you have lots of support and you will find good friends in the flesh in the future.You are too precious to lose.

Hugs

Touille​

Hi Starwolf,

Thank you for your continued reassurances and kind words. It is a shame the age difference between this group of friends and I. Though I met them online through another friend of mine, they do go to my school, but they are now going into year 12, while I am going into year 10. Late last term I tried to stay with them at lunch time. It was horrifying though, because I didn't know some of their other friends. Those who I didn't know made a huge thing of my voice. I have been told time and time again that I sound like I'm at least 30 years old. Hating being the centre of attention, this wasn't something I appreciated. I also can't be with them now, even if I wanted to, as they are allowed in areas I am not as a year 12 privilidge.

While you mentioned that I was doing school for my future and not my parents', it doesn't really help unless they understand that concept. No matter what, I have to top classes or they're unhappy. This is also frustrating as I hate being the centre of attention.

Thanks again,

-Night

Hi James,

I can see the point you are making with regards to awareness. I suppose this is something that helped keep my streak so long.

While I never got to play CS 1.6, I have played CS:GO (the most recent) for about a year now, though it is in a pretty terrible place. A lot of people are quitting playing it, or not playing it as much (like me) because of a lot of problems with the development of the game. When hit registration and hackers were (and still are) a huge problem, Valve decided to redo all of the iconic weapon sounds. They just don't seem to care about community feedback. I also used to play L4D2, but I don't have any friends who play it anymore. I never played Halo as I only have a PS3 and PC. Are they any good? While I don't use my PS3 often, I still use it for guitar hero as new guitars are almost impossible to find. I would love to play it on PC one day. What difficulty do you play guitar hero on? I play expert and have recently mastered arguably the hardest solo in any of the games. If you get a spare minute, search up Fury of the Storm 'OMGWTFBBQ?!' (Fury of the storm is the song and OMgWTfBBQ is the official name of the solo. Overwatch is a lot of fun, though it can be boring solo. My favourite hero is widowmaker (I'm in the top 5% of widowmaker' a in the world, according to a stats website called overbuff).

My PC is running on a pretty low tier processor; the Intel Pentium G3248 I think. Last week I purchased a 144hz, g-sync monitor, and the difference is amazing.

Thanks again so much. It'a great having someone who even somewhat enjoys computers/ games to talk to.

-Night

Hi Touille,

It's good to see new people joining the forums. I know it has helped me a lot and I hope it can help you too.

You mentioned the fact that my granddad should be in aged care/ rehab. While this is a great idea and one that has been discussed at home before, it isn't a practical one. The main reasons against it are the cost and the effect on my granddad. While we have been waiting on his house to sell for almost a year, there has still been little interest. This money would be all he needed to either get into aged car or buy himself an apartment somewhere. Also, if we did suggest it and he thought he was putting too much stress on us, he would likely attempt suicide again, something I know my mum wouldn't be able to handle. As far as my parents thinking for my sister's and my health, I suppose they think they do. I try not to let them know that he is frustrating me.

Thank you for thinking my grades are still good. It's a shame my parents think that slightly lower grades are the result of a lack of effort.

It's good to hear that you have found good friends after seemingly a long time.

Thanks again,

Night

Oh man I feel old all of a sudden, haha. The latest one for me was CS Source. I had no idea they released another. And yeah, far out I hated hackers. Those people shooting through walls really ruined everything. Did they keep the same maps like the dust desert one and the ice one with narrow corridors?

Hahaha I'll have a look when I get home. I've got guitar hero 3 and metallica. Which one do you have? Guitar hero metallica is so frustrating because most of the metallica songs are pretty easy on expert, except for the solos. Once you hit the solos, you can go from like 95-100% hit rate to basically losing instantly. And because the songs are so long and the solo's so late in the piece, it's like f$%*% every single time, lol. I really wanted to get one of the full band ones because the drum bits are so fun, but it's expensive and they dont' sell them anymore :(

Have you always been a PS/PC person then? The halo games are fun. The campaigns interesting and the multiplayer's a real blast. It's just the right amount of health to not be annoying when you die, but also be super nervous. I always got annoyed with the shooters that had little health because you could walk out and just die instantly.

Is overwatch like Mass Effect in how it plays? Or are there no abilities? And nice work on getting that rank :)

Oh wow a pentium? Is it at least dual core? That'd be annoying to run multiple programs if not. Oh I just have a boring old Dell monitor :( I've been wanting to get a new one but I can't justify the price, lol. What I really want to do is buy two extra monitors and run 3 screens :D.

Hi James,

Sadly I never played CS 1.6 or Source. There are two sets of maps in CS:GO. Active duty and reserves. They are determined by Valve and don't change often. The active duty maps are the ones played in competitive tournaments and are typically more balanced. The main maps that are played are dust 2, mirage, cache, train, cobblestone and nuke. Dust 1 is in the reserves pool. Not sure about an ice map, doesn't ring any bells.

I started playing games a while ago when my grandma bought my dad a Nintendo Wii for Christmas and bought me GH3 for it. It's easily my favourite game, but my wii guitar has broken and I can't get a new one :(. I don't use the wii at all now. My dad won two PS3's in two seperate competitions, so the worse one became mine. About two years ago I started getting into PC gaming and can't believe how I ever played on a console :P. I currently have Guitar hero world tour, Metallica, warriors of rock and live on PS3, though I would love to find a copy of GH3. I'll never forget the first time I beat Lou on expert, or when my dad dared me to try Through the fire and the flames (he knew the song and I didn't) and I passed it. I'm currently trying to 100% every song on the games I have.

I haven't played Mass Effect, so I don't know if it's similar to Overwatch. In OW, there are 22 (soon to be 23) Each hero has a unique weapon with different effects, as well as two abilities with a timed cool down. They each have an ultimate ability that charges over time, but damaging enemies or healing teammates shortens this cooldown. There's an insane amount of teamwork and strategy that goes into the game. Whether it being damaging a support to force their ultimate so your teammate can wait it out and use theirs to wipe the enemy team or just combining a few ultimates to cause huge damage. Some friends and I entered a tournament to see how good we were. Versing top 500 players in the world in pre-made teams, we got absolutely annihilated, but it was incredible to see their teamwork.

The pentium's not great, but it works. I'm pretty sure it's dual core. While I have 2 monitors, I disable my bad one to get the most fps in game. I hope to upgrade my graphics card, and then my CPU later.

I guess I've rambled a bit, so I'll stop here.

-Night

Hiya Night - now, being an old chook, and the opposite of technically savvy, I didn't understand a word of the last couple of posts hahaha. But I am very pleased to see you back here and connecting with others with similar interests. That makes me very happy mate.

So, you guys do your thing, and I'll bring the tea and biscuits. 👍

By the way, I understand how annoying it is when you get a good grade and it isn't good enough. I once got 97% on a history project and the teacher told my mum it should have been 100% but I didn't work hard enough. She was serious. As an adult I realised that teacher only saw her students as a reflection of her own success and she wanted the 100% for herself, nothing to do with me really. Sometimes it can help to realise that people who are hurting you in some way are doing it to soothe their own sense of inadequacy, it's not actually about you - you could be anyone.

OK. Nanna rant over, off to make the tea.

Kaz

xx

Hey Night,

Oh man some of those GH3 battles were insane. Lou was tough. Really tough. And I'm super impressed you did through the fire and the flames. I can't beat that on expert - my repetitive strumming just isn't very good. I can handle odd rhythms, but once it gets repetitive I get one wrong and mess up, haha. I really liked GH3 though. It had a good set list. World Tour's a full band one right?

My first game was Contra. Have you ever played it? I don't know what console we had, but it was on a console and dad and I used to play together. It was good fun, haha. It's just a side scroller where your character just constantly shoots and you get powerups as you move along.

Oh you haven't played mass effect? I'm guessing you're not a big RPG fan then and more into competitive type games?

Do you ever watch esports as they're now called? I used to watch some starcraft 2 games - fascinating to watch. Overwatch sounds somewhat similar in the team aspect to things like LoL and DotA.

Do you run it on an SSD or HDD? I've always been tempted by the SSD but I don't know if it's actually worth it. I find my computer boot time could be...improved.

How was your weekend? Did you get up to much?

Hey Kaz, it's nice chatting to Night (hi!) :) I have this inner me that loves hearing about and talking about games and building computers.

I totally agree that some teachers and adults essentially live through others. I see my own parents doing that with me sometimes - my success is their success. I know they care about me, but any successes aren't about me and that is hurtful. So your insight is very true indeed - thank you.

James

Hi Kazz,

I knew a lot of people wouldn't understand the last few posts. I suppose technology is just an area I really enjoy.

It is sad when people consider high marks (like the 97% you spoke of) as a failure when other people are struggling to get 50%. It's an interesting way of looking at things that I hadn't previously thought of, though it makes sense that they consider it their failures. Sad and in my opinion incorrects, but there is reasoning behind it.

Thanks,

-Night

Hi James,

I loved the GH3 battles too. I especially remember the lou one because my guitar's whammy bar had broken. Whenever he used the whammy attack, I had to pause the game, turn off my guitar, turn on another wii controller, unpause the game and shake the controller then pause it again and turn my guitar back on. Though I haven't played world tour much, I believe you can plug in a microphone. Not sure about drums though.

I haven't heard of contra, but I'll check it out. As you guessed, I'm not a huge fan of RPG's or solo games, but prefer competitive FPS's. I watched a lot of competitive CS:GO and have watched some pro Overwatch games, but the current spectator system leaves a lot to be desired.

I only have a 1TB hard drive, but it seems really quick to me (at least compared to my old laptop). If an SSD is as fast as people say it is, I am amazed. I currently take about 30 seconds to boot Windows 10 from a shutdown.

My weekend wasn't great, though wasn't too bad. I had to start waking up early again as I don't want to be too shocked waking up at 7am for school on Tuesday :( How was your weekend?

Thanks again,

-Night

Hey Night

just about to make a cuppa and saw your post pop up :-)

A SSD is rocket fast...less memory but the speed is always there...I have several people in business that wont upgrade to anything else as they need the speed and reliability of a SSD.

I use a dated Hewlett Packard PC with 500GB hard drive and just waiting for the pricing to come down for a nice touch screen SSD laptop...(I use a PS3 with my TV for the gaming).....PC is only for gaming.

Great to have you on the forums Night :-)

my kind thoughts for you

Paul

Hey Night,

I am definitely one of those who have no idea what your last posts were all about...but I am glad it is an interest you can share with many others.

Just wanted to pop in and wish you all the best for tomorrow. Starting school/work again after a break is always a bit of a shock to the system. You are wise to prepare yourself for this change...

Thinking of you.

The night before school returns. It's just one of those things that no matter what, people usually hate. Whether it be hating a teacher or just learning in general, it is typically classed as not a fun time. But there's that silver lining, you might say. You get to catch up with your friends and see what they did in the holidays. Well that's not me. I love learning. I love challenging myself in maths or science or I.T., but I hate school. It's the human interaction that I hate. Some would say that being analytical and methodical in thought process as a gift. I see it as a curse. My curse. I read people. I predict their actions and their intentions with an alarming accuracy. This could also be seen as a gift. The bad part comes when all I can see is the negatives. Whether correct or not, I see negatives. Currently I am running through so many horrifying scenarios for tomorrow (perhaps today by the time this post goes live). If for example, I were to wear my regular uniform, is there a message I missed saying that for the first day we can wear sport uniform? Unlikely, yes but a possibility. I would then be the centre of attention, something I dread. The whole way there, I will be sweating, petrified of this for no real reason. While the logical part of my mind says that people won't care, I cannot ignore otherwise. This is just one example. It's so hard to explain and I know I have done a horrible job. I see people as bad. Is that because I am only seeing the worst in people, or am I being justifiable in my conclusions?

I have a handful of friends. They don't come back to school until next week because they are going into year 12. 'Why aren't you friends with people in your year?' you might ask. I feel like an outlier. Everyone else in my year seem so immature, cruel and more. I don't understand the justification of thought process that goes on in a lot of their heads. I can predict it and recognise patterns, but never justify it.

So I sit here tonight, dreading every moment I have to interact with people. Though scarred (physically and mentally), I have to deal with it because society says so.

I guess this was an unnecessary rant

-Night