I felt your loneliness, disappointment and sadness through your words. It must have been (and is) a huge challenge to adjust to life here, especially with minimal emotional support...
Your husband isn’t emotionally present, as he is dealing with his own struggles, and friendships have been hard to come by. I really feel for you...I’m glad Croix has already replied to you with compassion and warmth :)
As far as written communication goes, I think you’re doing a great job. I understand learning a new language is never easy, and especially as it sounds as though your husband has hurt your linguistic confidence.
Most of my extended family don’t speak English as their first language. Most are either bilingual or trilingual.
It was, and often still is, a huge challenge for many of them to try to build support networks in an unfamiliar language. Much of their language skills and confidence came with practice.
As for me, it’s a little different. I was born in Australia, but as we didn’t speak English at home (at the time), I didn’t really learn English till I was in the education system.
I have hazy memories of that period as I was very young, but I vaguely recall having to learn things that most of my peers already knew. That was because English was their first language, whereas it wasn’t mine.
I know it’s not the same, but I’m trying to say that I get where you’re coming from. A little at least...
In your case, I feel in order to grow more confident, and as difficult as it is, I think that it helps to put yourself “out there.” As in, to become more confident in any language, it comes with practising communication in that very language. That often isn’t easy and it can be very nerve racking, but it’s really the only way in my opinion.
Maybe to build up your language confidence, so that you will eventually feel comfortable meeting those groups, you could consider practising small talk with local retail and hospitality staff e.g. cashier workers at supermarkets, baristas at cafes, etc. Small talk could include things like comments about the weather, asking people about their weekend, whether they have a long shift or not, do they like their job, has it been a busy day at work for them, etc.
The idea is practice will improve your language skills, which will then hopefully give you the confidence to meet new people. So you can then build those friendships that you crave. Just a gentle idea...
Kind and caring thoughts,