I think we are on the same boat here... I can totally relate to what you're going through right now. My GP diagnosed me with MDD (major depression disorder) last year. I was going through a lot, and being an international student with no family here doesn't help.
No matter how sociable of a person I am, and how many good people surround me, I realised not everyone knows how to deal with this and it's fine. I can say I successfully overcame my depression by myself however I knew that in very stressful times it can relapse. And it is happening now. I know I can go through this, I know I am strong, and my experience with depression made me mature a lot.
But my problem is my body. My body responds differently to stressful events and to conflicts with people. No matter how much my brain wants to let it go, I 'm overthinking, I feel sick in my stomach, tight jaw, wobbly legs, heart racing... my senses are so intense and overwhelming. All I want is to cry very hard because crying heals sometimes. But I can't even manage to do that. I am unable to cry.
I got emotionally abused by my employers and ended up losing jobs, paying 6k per trimester for education is hard, started to have health concerns I cannot afford here, I broke up with my boyfriend who left me alone 7 months ago and expected me to drop all my opportunities in Australia to go live in his country. I visited him in January and paid 2500 dollars only for the tickets just to please him. I haven't seen my family for 1.5yr and I have no idea when I'll be able to see them again. I am one term away from graduating with my master degree but all I want is to drop and leave.The list goes on but those are the main recent struggles. I hate complaining and whingeing because I should be grateful for what I have, but I need to vent and I feel like I can do it here.
I feel like I am always putting other people's happiness before mine. This makes me question my self-worth. Why am I here. Why am I doing this. I don't want to try hard anymore, I don't care about the future, I don't care about me or anything else at this stage. I just want to disappear.
Today I'm reaching out before I lose it. I just don't know what to do. I can't focus at one thing at a time. My head keeps spinning. I want to break everything :(
Good luck to you, and to me. take care