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Forums / Multicultural experiences / Parent of an estranged Adult daughter

Topic: Parent of an estranged Adult daughter

  1. Hayfa
    beyondblue Connect Mentor
    • beyondblue Connect is a FREE service that puts people living in Victoria's Greater Dandenong community, in touch with mentors. They can support your wellbeing and help you achieve your goals.
    • Foundation members of our Multicultural Experiences section
    • Lebanon
    Hayfa avatar
    119 posts
    26 September 2018 in reply to magiore

    Hello Magiore

    I am really so sorry to hear what is happening with you at the moment, you have pulled through and done so well this far.
    James offers some very important and relevant advice when he says these things are not always permanent. You do need to be surrounded by family and friends at the moment so that you can process all that has happened and what should come next for you in terms of positive life and wellbeing.
    Has your daughter actually said she doesn't want a relationship with you? Has something happened between you both since her wedding?
    Perhaps she is moving on with her life and her perception of engagement with you may not be constant as you might be expecting.
    Magiore, your situation from the very beginning with your daughter's decision to marry and the fallout over that is a normal occurrence unfortunately in many culturally diverse communities. Is it an option to now have another conversation with your husband and son about what has happened? Does your husband and son really want nothing to do with you over your decision?

    I know what I am about to say next will be viewed differently from anyone reading who does not understand the ways of some culturally diverse communities, but it could be an option to try to find a way to mend your relationship with your husband and son. Is the abuse you faced something that happened as a result of your daughter's situation or has it always been present? If it has always been present then you may not want to rethink mending the relationship with your husband and son.
    Have a think about what you want, are you better off alone, with your parents or your own family? What type of conversation do you think you can have with either about you moving forward with your life. You need to now start looking at proper strategies for moving forward instead of dwelling on who said and did what. Did your husband and son know that your daughter will always remain disengaged and was so from the beginning, if so would it really be so bad if you admitted that they were right and now you want to be back with them and start mending the relationship?

    Let your daughter do what she needs to do, you did what you needed to do as her mother and now there is a son and husband that need you as much as you may need them. Is there a community elder that can bridge this gap and help you fix?
    What you need and want to see lies with you making decisions and taking stands on it, start exploring these options now.

    Hayfa

  2. magiore
    magiore avatar
    26 posts
    26 November 2018

    Please help me..my situation is worse...its gonna be nearly one year soon my estranged daughter left her family....im going through hell...

    I lost her...i lost my marriage...my husband and son have sided together against me...they show no sensitivity towards me...

    I am separated...all alone

    My daughter doesn't contact me at all...i tried many times to contact her but she is not the same....she has been stolen by her 'new' family abd brainwashed

    Please help me....

    Im in hell.....

  3. james1
    Multicultural Correspondent
    • Foundation members of our Multicultural Experiences section
    • China
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    james1 avatar
    2607 posts
    3 December 2018 in reply to magiore

    Hello magiore,

    I'm so sad to hear you feel like you are in hell. It sounds awful for you right now to feel like you have no family around you.

    I hope this is not too hard, but may I ask if you feel like it is possible at all to take some steps to live independently away from your immediate family for a while? It is very difficult, but from what you have said, there is a very significant rift in the family at the moment and sometimes people need space and time apart to learn to accept each other again when their emotions are running too hot.

    Do you feel like this is something you could manage to do temporarily? It may help to bridge the gap in the family in the long run, while also giving you something to focus on in the short term.

    James

  4. magiore
    magiore avatar
    26 posts
    11 January 2019 in reply to james1

    Hello James

    Thank you for noticing me and your message.

    I have been separated from my family now for 2 years...

    Its not helping...im the only forgiving person in all of this....

    My daughter is stubborn...

    My separated husband and my son (who are together) are both stubborn also...

    I am left alone....nobody cares about me...

    Im going through continual psychological and emotional hell...

    I refuse to seek counselling...i tried it...it doesnt work for me...

    I dont know what will happen to me....i just live day by day...with no one by my side...

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