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Forums / PTSD & Trauma / Domestic violence

Topic: Domestic violence

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. Bron hendry
    Bron hendry avatar
    1 posts
    3 September 2018
    am a victim of domestic violence and have 6 children. I have been dealing with the family court, civil court and wapol. For the last 2.5 years.
    My ex husband severely abused the children and myself for 16 years. We have battled with the court system and police with limited understanding and the inability to cross reference documents across all three services. We are currently protected by a fvro over the children and myself, and the children are attending counselling.
    However the process of dealing with civil, family and criminal matters has been extraordinarily difficult and impossible to navigate with excess court dates.
    I have a new job, and support all 6 children as my ex husband is choosing to remain unemployed into settlement.
    The police have been less then empathetic and obviously have limited to no training in complex and severe DV which involves financial, psychological, physical and continued stalking and behaviours that have been highlighted in family court. However the police have deterred us from pursuing assault, or any other family violence charges. Including my eldest son to whom is now 19 at the time 16. From pressing assault charges by the local police .
    We have a DCP risk assessment that places myself and the children at high risk from the father.
    We have expert witness reports (forensic psychologist). 
    When provided to the police to prove intent for stalking and intimidation, the police refused to view them to build a case for further charges.
    We complained to the ccc. To whom have now responded telling me that I will have the police review the documents and potentially change there decision not to charge him.
    However I don’t feel confident that they will revise their decisions, and we are simply being followed up because of the complaint.
    The language of the police officers has been as such. Why didn’t you call us when it was happening, why didn’t you present to Ed more often, why didn’t you leave him. Yet disregarded all evidence produced in family court in his admittance to stopping me from leaving or calling the police.
    His ability to continue control is unrelenting and the fear is real.
  2. PamelaR
    Champion Alumni
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    PamelaR avatar
    2740 posts
    4 September 2018 in reply to Bron hendry

    Hello Bron and warm welcome to Beyond Blue forums

    How difficult life is for you at present. I can't even being to imagine. I'm assuming you have contacted 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732).

    You are very very brave to have removed yourself and the children from the danger you've been living in. It is not a simple decision to make or to do. Great work!! Thank you for sharing your story here. My heart goes out to you. Not sure how much I can help.

    I think each state also has a Police Compliments and Complaints unit. If you found the language used by the police and their attitude towards you and children unhelpful, unkind, detrimental to your wellbeing, I would lodge a complaint with the PCC in addition to having the decision about charging him reviewed by the CCC.

    Also, it sounds like you are are doing all the right things, e.g. getting counselling. I'm assuming you also have a good doctor to help you through.

    It must be a very scary time for you. You've done the right thing. It's so unfortunate all the services are not coordinated enough to make your life easier. Having worked in the public service for a long time, I know the difficulties with departments talking to one another, let alone sharing documents. There is privacy legislation that makes it all very difficult. This doesn't help you.

    Keep reaching out Bron, when and if you want to. No pressure. You're not alone.

    Kind regards

    PamelaR

  3. White Rose
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    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
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    White Rose avatar
    6325 posts
    4 September 2018 in reply to Bron hendry

    Dear Bron

    I am glad to welcome you to the forum but wish it were under less horrendous circumstances. I have to say I know little about the mechanics of the criminal court, family court or civil court so I am unable to give you any advice in that area. I am so sorry that I do not have this knowledge.

    However I can support you on this forum and provide a place for you to write in safety. No one will know your identity here. It does not sound like much I know but I think it may help you to talk about your life and how the children are coping.

    I am also sorry the police have been considerably unhelpful. Domestic violence is well known and your local police should have enough training to assist you. While I know the impact on you and your family is heartbreaking I am also thinking of moms and wives who live with DV and are afraid to speak up because they will receive no assistance from those employed to do so and have no way of escaping.

    It's easy for others to ask why you did not leave. While my situation was nothing as dire as yours I do know how hard it was to even think about leaving, especially with young children. Is there a domestic violence organisation near you or a refuge? I expect you have investigated these options already and again I am sorry they were not available for you.

    I am not familiar with the various assessment names etc. Could you tell me what DCP risk assessment is, also CCC.

    Are you receiving any counselling? I imagine it would be difficult to fit in with everything else that is going on but it may be helpful if you could.

    Having read your story several times I am even more horrified at the slow manner this is being progressed. I understand that courts and the police are very much understaffed with many cases of this sort being managed. It's perhaps time the politicians provided a sufficient budget to employ additional police officers.

    Bron, I feel I have not been very helpful but it's not for any lack of care for you. If you think it will help to continue to write in please do so. I tend to be on the forum at least once a day and your thread will come up in my posts. Tell me if there is anything further I can do.

    Mary

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