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Forums / PTSD & Trauma / Mixed emotions after mTop

Topic: Mixed emotions after mTop

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Irene223
    Irene223 avatar
    1 posts
    14 October 2021

    2 months ago I had a medical termination (you have pills and that causes the pregnancy to end just like a miscarriage) and I know it was the right decision for my family (2 beautiful girls already but can't afford another child right now, we live with my parents, there's 7 people in our house and the baby just wouldn't have a good life. It just wasn't the right time) um, but now I'm finding I can't be following people on social media who are pregnant and I find myself scrolling past posts about miscarriages or scrolling past pregnancy announcements.

    This month is infant and pregnancy loss awareness and so there's been alot of posts about it and I'm finding myself sad and full of guilt that so many people lost babies who were wanted and loved and here I am going on with my life knowing I chose to give up the baby.

    I suppose it doesn't help that after the termination I just moved on with my life, I didn't allow myself to grieve or even feel like I should. It wasn't until I had a dream where I broke down crying for some reason while talking to someone then said to them "I'm sorry, it all happened so quickly and I haven't had time to grieve." I woke up crying and later realised what the dream was actually about.

  2. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    3366 posts
    14 October 2021 in reply to Irene223

    Hi Irene223

    Welcome to BB. You've had to make a very difficult decision and go through a termination, no wonder you are feeling weepy and upset.

    Your body has gone through a huge upheaval with the pregnancy and termination and your hormones must be all over the place and that will make you feel pretty awful for a start.

    Just because you decided to end the pregnancy doesn't mean you shouldn't be grieving. Of course you are! It's a terribly tough decision to make. Of course you will find yourself feeling guilty and grief stricken and wondering if you did the right thing. The dream you had is that grief and upset trying to get through!

    Yes it's sad that women who desperately want a child can't have one, and it's marvellous that you can appreciate how they must feel.

    Your situation is different. You can't help those women except by giving them understanding and compassion. Now give yourself some of the same - allow yourself time to grieve the loss of your child and have compassion towards yourself. Give yourself time to recover. Your body will need time as well.

    That dream was telling you that you need to grieve.

    If it feels overwhelming do talk to a doctor or nurse or counsellor and get some support.

    Be kind to yourself for a while, Ok?

    Please keep talking here if it helps. Others will come by and support you.

    💝

  3. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    3366 posts
    14 October 2021 in reply to Hanna3

    Irene, I should have said, you made the best decision you could. It can't have been an easy thing to do. You were clearly in a difficult position to manage another child.

    So don't be hard on yourself, Ok? It's a really, really tough decision for anyone to have to make.

    I had a friend once who made the decision to have a termination for medical reasons, but she still felt guilty and wept afterwards and went through real anguish. We all tried to reassure her, but she took a while to come to terms with it all.

    So be gentle with yourself.

    🌹

  4. romantic_thi3f
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    romantic_thi3f avatar
    3116 posts
    15 October 2021 in reply to Irene223

    Hi Irene,

    Welcome.

    I couldn't agree more with Hanna3. Your grief is valid too.

    Your loss couldn't possibly compare with theirs, and theirs couldn't compare with yours. It's so uniquely different. Both are valid. Yes, this was your choice, but even if it was easy for you to decide, it's a very heavy decision.

    Do you think the guilt comes from making that decision, or is it more so the idea of feeling guilty because you could have had a baby and they couldn't? I hope you can find some ways to be kind to yourself; that it is okay and you have full permission to feel all of the feelings, and allowing yourself to grieve in whatever capacity you need to. If it's helpful, you may even want to delete social media or unfollow for a while.

    rt

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