I hope scattering her ashes may give you some peace that she is at peace now.It is such a emotional time for you.We all morn in our own way and we do have anger when we mourn.It takes time.I found getting another rescue dog helped that process but it up to you when you feel comfortable You have experience now to know how to get your loved one treated and will be a better experience with a vet for you.

Hi Panicmerchant,

I am so sorry for your loss. It must have been very comforting for her knowing you were there showing your unconditional love and support until the very end. I know it can be extremely painful and devastating. This will be a journey but I truly do wish you a healing process.

She sounds like she was the most beautiful dog and I completely agree that our pets are our loved ones.

We are here for you

Thankyou.

She was a sweet, darling, funny, wonderful girl for sure! A real character! Always making me laugh. She got along with everyone...dogs, kids, cats, you name it. One day she alerted me to a baby koala in the garden. She never once tried to hurt it. We rescued the little soul. She also alerted me to a brown snake in my loungeroom a while back....if she hadn't told me it was there I have no idea what disaster could've occurred.

I think of her always. Taking my friends sweet dogs out everyday is certainly helping me. I love them too. I will never get over her.

xxx

She does sound like she was a truly wonderful & unique dog.

She will always be in your heart & mind.

I'm glad that taking your friend's dogs out is something which helps you, too.

mmMekitty

Having a very bad day . She is here in spirit...I can feel her. I am so devastated. I miss her so much. I am furious at myself for not pushing the vets! I had an email from them yesterday....trying to cover their butts again :( So disillusioned and angry. So angry at myself. So over everything. Everything I do reminds me of her. She is always in my mind! I cry always...I try not to but I can't help it. She truly was my life.

Taking my friend's darlings out certainly helps. I love them too. But she is always there in my mind and in my mind's eye. How I wish I could have one more day with her!!!! How I wish I had listened to my instincts and been braver and stronger to speak up more!!!! Essentially how I wish she did not have to suffer that appalling last couple of days and nights :(

I simply cannot stop thinking about the horrid seizures; her poor body...her crying...biting her tongue...foaming at the mouth.....it is totally horrendous and I try to think of her happy and well but these black memories are plaguing me.

I will never understand life. I guess none of us will. I have to be strong just for her as I know she would not want me to be like this. Indeed if ever I was upset the darling child would sit next to me and comfort me. She truly was an angel in a dog suit. If you know what I mean! I will never forget the smell of her darling fur. I used to tell her she smelt like a piece of toast! She was so sweet and darling and just the best.

I still have some ashes (crucifying :() which I will have made into a pendant so I can carry her with me always. She will always be in my heart and soul.

xxx

She was gold. In nature and in colour.

I think the hardest thing for me is that I only had 20 months to give her the wonderful life she so deserved. She had been neglected, abused, treated like rubbish by so called humans for all of her 7 years on this godforsaken planet. She only had the love and life she deserved when I found her on Gumtree.....'free to anyone who wants her'...care factor zero...:(

She was so brave, strong, beautiful. There was a reason I found her.....other than my falling in love with her on sight...she restored my faith in the higher powers. She also made me realise that one's soul is indestructible. As hers is. She had no aggression or fear. She was just a sweet, peaceful, darling furchild who had a great sense of humour I might add! She loved us singing to her and mucking about...she made our lives so happy.

I have to believe that I will meet with her again (and my other furbies in heaven) or there truly is no point. I do believe she has been sending me some signs. The butterfly at the beach when I scattered some of her ashes...I have never in my life seen a butterfly at the beach? The cloud that looked like her dear head when we had a one week vigil last Friday....I see her and feel her so much.

Darling dogs/cats/pets in general...they are so pure and wonderful. I will continue to look after my friend's darlings and anyone who requires it to be honest! Luckily I do not have to work so I will be making that my mission. I don't do people that well ! Present company excepted!

xxxx

Hello Panicmerchant,

It is so painful, somtimes crying is all we can do. We can cry out all our feelings, the sorrow, the anger, the injustice, the misery, the longing, the guilt, the regret, the loneliness, & still more pain...& all these words seem meaningless.

Then, when we must, we gather ourselves up, feeling drained & exhausted, until, you feel it begin again.

Let me assure you, it does get better, easier with time. & that does not mean we have stopped loving them, or that we love them less.

However, if at some point you feel your grief is so overwhelming you cannot cope without help, please reach out for that help I'm sure the BB Counselling Service could help with that. Ph: 1300 22 46 36.

My warmest virtual hugs,

mmMekitty

You have summed up everything I am going through. Thankyou so much for your insight, support and care.

I don't think anything will make this any easier. I am strong and will survive but a massive piece of my heart has been taken :(

I may have said this already...

last year had to put the family cat down. These days when I go to put out the garbage I leave the front door open. It is just easier. Nearly a year later I still look back to make sure the cat has not escaped through the door. I still think about him.

Right now, there is a big hole in your life. A part of the you has gone. Just because it was your dog, does not mean you are allowed to be sad, angry or whatever feelings you have. It shows what your pet meant to you, and how much you loved your dog.

And if you want to share a memory here, please do! Maybe share one the adventures you had together.

We had so much fun! She loved the beach. I don't think she had ever been until she came into my life. The first few visits she would watch the other dogs playing with balls but never joined in. The following week the clever girl had worked it out and she began stealing other dogs balls and having a great time! So cute to see! She also loved going in the car and to the meadow out the back...she generally loved being out and about! She had so many pals at the beach and the dog park. Everybody who knew her loved her.

She used to do this hilarious talking business; she made us laugh so much and she would do it even more! A real sweet clown she was! I do laugh a lot thinking of her antics. Darling soul.xx.

That does make me smile, too.

In what you say, I can picture the scenes, on the beach & in the park, a lively dog running & chasing, bounding along, perhaps splashing in the water, or flying over the grass - a joyful sight. 😻Thank you

Mekitty had a way of talking to me, too, one she had begun herself. She would sit outside, at the doorway to the bathroom, when I went in to use the loo, & she made little mewling sounds. I began trying to imitate her, & she would do it again. It sounded like 'mep-mep' & sometimes with a quavering included. We would 'chat' like this until I would finish & stand up again. Then, often, as if waitng for me, to leave the room, she would go & use her litter tray after

I've never known any other cat who did anything like this before, so it became special to me.

I am so convinced that cats & dogs, & many other animals all have their own individual personalities. I think this is what makes forming such a deep bond with them possible.

Your dog will be missed by many,, none more than you.

mmMekitty

Darling Mekitty! What a beautiful soul! I can say with all honesty that all of my favourite and funny memories are from my beloved doggies that I have had over the years. I have so many photos and videos of them; I laugh everytime!

My beloved used to do this hilarious thing at the dog park....all the dogs would come up and sniff her and so on....she was always incredibly patient and never ever showed any ill will. However; she would do this scritching thing where if a dog was behind her sniffing around she would scritch and kick at the dirt/grass etc and fling it all over the poor hound behind her! She had a reputation for doing that at the dog park! It was so funny to see! One day it was a beautiful pure white samoyed...well; after my darling had her way he wasn't white anymore! He was covered in dirt and pine needles! I crack up everytime I think of those episodes.

She was such a pure beam of light and love. She never showed any signs of aggression even when pups would run up and chew on her darling velvet ears! So patient and tolerant. Oh I miss her so :( There was not one 'bad' thing about her. She just made my life so happy and I am so glad I could make her last 20 months on this planet happy as well. I don't count the last month as that was when all the issues began and it was horrible.

Thankyou for your post. You are lovely xxx

Thank you, PM, for your kind words.

I think that is an adorable memory to treasure. & indeed, I wonder how the Samoyed's owner had reacted? I can imagine how difficult it would be to clean out the Samoyed's hair of all the mess.

When I was a kid, a neighbour had a Samoyed dog & rather than groom, the neighbour had his hair more or less sheared! They had cut it right in close to his skin. It was amazing to realise how much hair these dogs have.

We had a sheep for a while, & he didn't have that much wool, when he got sheared.

My relations with animals were never as good with people.

mmMekitty

xx

The owner had a good laugh about it! I love dogs; so comical!

A pet sheep would've been sweet. Years ago I knew some people who already had pet dogs and they adopted a dear little lamb. The lamb grew up thinking he was a dog and would copy the dog's behaviour; it was very cute to see!

I came home today to find a stunning orchid in a vase and a card on the porch? From my doggy pals down the road! I do not know their last name....I had not seen them to tell them what happened but someone had told them. The card was so beautiful...they said they were besides themselves with grief when they found out what happened to my 'precious' child they said they loved her so :( I was so touched...and cried .....I had another beautiful flower delivery last week from another friend whom I don't see much due to her work schedule.

So lovely to have such caring people in my World. I must admit I had nothing from anyone in my family. Not even a card. Go figure hey! Oh well that old chestnut is getting stale....I have to stop expecting anything from them as I will never ever get it. All I get from them (other than silence) is judgements, unsolicited advice and criticism.

That just shows what that beautiful sweet doggy did for me. She loved going out so I met so many other dog lovers. They have been the true pearls in this situation. She will leave her legacy forever in my heart.

I will love her forever and beyond.

xxx

Yes I agree. I am quite devastated at the lack of care shown by my so called family, but I should not expect anything else from them :(

Totally true that one can choose their friends and not their family!

hi Panicmerchant,

you are right about friends and family. Some people in families don't know how to show empathy and others do. It is the same with friends. We might wish that family were able to have / show some empathy to things that concern us.

It was good to read that story about your doggy friends from down the road.

Hello Pm

I am grateful you have so many doggie pals. I know they cannot stand in for your own beloved dog, but it's good to have their support.

It was several years ago when Mekitty died, & I still have the stray thoughts about what she would be doing, where I'd likely find her, wishing for her, knowing how much her presence was a support & comfort for me when I needed . I am warmed by the fact of her in my heart & mind.

So, I feel sure it will become easier, with time, & focusing on the valuable time you had with your dog.

mmMekitty

Darling Kitty was so gorgeous..that beautiful orange fur..sweetest cat.

I have had a few conversations with 'family' (under great duress). The general consensus is that I should stop 'wallowing' and get on with it. How hilarious. Not. When I pulled this particular person up on it she backtracked big time. People are so stupid. Present company excepted as always.

I am also feeling very down about the darling doggies I have been looking after during the week. Their 'parents' are a lot younger than me. I am feeling very used. I do not expect payment or the like but a bit of consideration would be nice. She told me on Wednesday she was going away Thursday overnight. I asked if she would like me to walk the hounds as I knew they would be home alone until Friday evening. I never heard back from her. I won't go into it here. Suffice it to say...I am yet again extremely disappointed. I have never expected anything in return but to be snubbed is the last straw.

So I am back to hating pretty much everyone. I am so sick to death of humans. They are vile. Greedy, selfish, self absorbed......just yuk. I need another dog as I truly have hatred in my heart for people in general. My darling doggy pals and you guys aside of course. To be treated like I am an idiot and wallowing....when my beloved child has died...? 

I will go for another walk tomorrow. There are some people down the road and I always visited their sweet dog daily with my beloved. I felt so bad for the last 3 weeks as I didn't see her. I made the effort and saw her today. Her owners are pretty slack. She never gets walked. They said to me that I can walk her whenever I want and can bring her to mine etc...I think they are trying to get rid of her :( Well if that is the case I will take her immediately. They never walk her or make any effort with her. Perhaps she will be my next baby.

I am sorry people around you have been disappointing you. I know, after having so much disappointment it's easy to think everyone is like that, as uncaring & insensitive as you say, but, as the old saying goes, "don't chuck the baby out with the bathwater".

As for the dog down the road, who have been 'slack' & don't walk their dog, be careful. If their dog comes to live with you, just up the road, the dog may want to be going back. It could be very difficult for the dog to live so close to a former home. I don't need to tell you how loyal dogs can be. Maybe consider working out a schedule for when you could come & take their dog for a walk?

& I suppose, you won't even have thought, who would be responsible if something was to happen to the dogs while you are walking them?,

I wish you all the best.

mmMekitty

Thanks for your post.

Yes I too am worried about consequences of anything happening whilst dear doggy in my care....I think now it is best to stay away from that situation. As sad as that makes me...I love the little soul so much and she gets no attention :( so many people do not deserve pets!

I have signed up as a foster carer for a local rescue group. Will see what comes of that! I can help the dear souls out and have the support from the group as well.

xxx

Fostering animals for a rescue group sounds very interesting. I'd like to know how that works out for you. I think I'd have trouble giving them up again. I'm sure you will meet more people who do care for animals as much as you do.

mmMekitty

I am meeting a potential on Tuesday! I need another hound in my life. I like having the security of the group behind me; as a foster they cover all expenses. I need to help dogs. That is my life's cause. It is incredibly difficult. Seeing where some of these dear souls have come from...makes me want to turn vigilante. People can be so goddamn disgusting and awful. I cannot dwell on that. I have to concentrate on the good people who do all they can to help and I want to be one of those people. It is very hard and I am struggling but I will be ok.

xxx