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Forums / PTSD & Trauma / My farther is abusive and I am stuck with him

Topic: My farther is abusive and I am stuck with him

9 posts, 0 answered
  1. fire fox
    fire fox  avatar
    21 posts
    15 June 2020

    trigger warning: discussion of sexual abuse, domestic voilence and mental health

    my father is abusive to my mum and I and we can't leave, I am really scared of him and he's yelling and his constant bullying of my mum makes me really angry, I feel my life is really going downhill, I have to deal with him and he doesn't let me see a therapist for my mental health problems and my cousin has been sexually assaulting me and I am being bullied at school. Whenever I talk about him I feel ungrateful because I know men in my position (with abusive wires) have it much worse and that makes me sad. Does anyone have any advice for living with an abusive person? and getting help for mental health without going to face to face psychology?

    thank you

  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6838 posts
    15 June 2020 in reply to fire fox
    Dear fire fox,

    We are so sorry to read about what's going on in your life right now and how that's making you feel. If you or a loved one is in danger then this is an emergency and you should call 000 straightaway.

    It is very brave of you to share this with us here today and so important that you have. Our support service is reaching out to you via email right now as we are very worried about you.

    You've found a safe and non-judgmental place where users give and receive support to each other based on their own similar experiences. We're sure our wonderful online forums community will be able to provide you with all the support, advice and conversation as you need.

    Please know that help is always available to you fire fox. We'd strongly recommend you reach out to our friends at 1800 RESPECT who specialise in sexual assault and domestic violence counselling and are available to chat to you by phone 24/7 on 1800 737 732  or online via KidsHelpline is another great place available to everyone aged 25 and younger on 1800 55 1800 or webchat via all day, every day.
    1 person found this helpful
  3. fire fox
    fire fox  avatar
    21 posts
    15 June 2020 in reply to Sophie_M
    thank you :)
  4. smallwolf
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    smallwolf avatar
    6286 posts
    16 June 2020 in reply to fire fox

    Hi and welcome to beyond blue.

    the links provided to you by Sophie_M are the best places to get help for yourself and mum. What you have been putting up with at home and at school should not happen to anyone. You should be able to live without the fear of violence. It also sounds like you very much for your mum as well to come and post here. Another place for contact information is here...


  5. Guest_1643
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Guest_1643 avatar
    4854 posts
    16 June 2020

    Hey there

    Im really sorry for what you're going through. It is very scary to feel like someone abusive has authority and power over you, when you're a kid, and trying to be safe and keep your Mum safe.
    It's a hard situation but I'm so proud of your reaching out. You seem like a strong, young person.
    I would advise you to have someone to talk to regularly who will give you helpful, informed and suppotrive feedback, so that you know and can identify what isn't your fault and still maintain your self worth and hope
    Lifeline, KidsHelpline and BeyondBlue would also be good places to start
    It would not be good if you took on board some of the negativity around you and internatlised it, which can happen sometimes over time. We start to believe it's our fault and we are bad just because we're in a bad situation. When really, you are perfect and its just the situation that is messed up.

    I would strongly encourage you to reach out and talk to someone regularly who is supportive, since counselling isn't an option, is there a teacher, friend's parent, or wise adult around? If not, the helpline's Sophie kindly provided might help fill that void.
    I wish you so much success and hope you and your Mum are okay

    1 person found this helpful
  6. fire fox
    fire fox  avatar
    21 posts
    17 June 2020 in reply to Guest_1643
    thank you for caring :) I will check out kids help line
    2 people found this helpful
  7. fire fox
    fire fox  avatar
    21 posts
    17 June 2020 in reply to smallwolf
    thanks tim :)
    1 person found this helpful
  8. ecomama
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    ecomama avatar
    4567 posts
    17 June 2020 in reply to fire fox

    fire fox said:thank you for caring :) I will check out kids help line

    Dear fire fox, I'm so sorry about what you're going through, it's not right and I'm glad you know this and have reached out for support. It's a very brave thing you've done and I commend you on this.

    If violence starts you can phone 000 anonymously, just answer the questions they ask and tell them you can't say your name. If your dad is hurting your mum in this way then he's breaking the Law.

    If you are being sexually assaulted then the offender is breaking the Law. At any time you can report this. If it's still happening then I urge you to report this asap. This should never have happened and I really want you to get ALL the support you can.

    You can even phone your local Police Station and ask to speak with a Police Social Worker, every one we've spoken to has been FANTASTIC and really understands things that others may not.

    I know your dad won't let you see a Counsellor but you can join Headspace and chat with them via webchat on a laptop. This great place helps youth from approximately 12 years old through to 25 years old and can support you in so many ways throughout this entire time and even beyond.

    You mum can speak to your local Women's Health Centre and maybe enrol in a course for women in domestic violence marriages.

    I hope you can get a private moment to talk with your mum, but you can go ahead and get ALL the support that YOU need immediately.

    You AND your mum really need people on YOUR side right now. The support can begin more as soon as someone takes the next step. I'm sorry it seems to be falling on your shoulders but if you can reach out then I hope you get an Advocate for you and your mum.

    Big hugs in this awful time. I hope you get some great people IRL there to help stop what's happening. We will always be here for you no matter what happens.


  9. fire fox
    fire fox  avatar
    21 posts
    28 June 2020 in reply to ecomama
    thank you so much Emm, I am almost crying this is so nice :). I have webchated on headspace it's really good

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