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Forums / PTSD & Trauma / Not the Victim. Not Sure What To Do

Topic: Not the Victim. Not Sure What To Do

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. The_Wolf
    The_Wolf avatar
    1 posts
    26 August 2020

    Long story short: I grew up in a poor home. Nonetheless, my mother did what she could to feed my sister and I. I was sent to live with my father at some point. He was a heavy drug-user and I barely ate so my mother even provided for me when I wasn't in her care. As such, I hold a level of respect and love for the lady. She, herself, came from a heavily abusive home and, as such, she is of a simple-mind and has major emotional issues now days.

     

    I recently caught up with a relative who I haven't seen in years. We ended up in deep conversation about growing up (we are the same age), etc. This relative told me that when she would stay over my house when we were children, that my mother would physically abuse her nigh torture her. Some of the things my relative was saying was absurd; it wasn't smackings, it was serious physical abuse. It was upsetting, terrible things that my relative was claiming happened to her as a child, while in the care of my mother on some weekends and so forth. I dismissed these claims as I knew my mother, despite her own horrible upbringing, would not do these things to a child.

     

    Then it happened, a day later. I started to recall these things. They started flooding back to me. I could recall the abuse my mother gave to this relative. I could recall my relative running away once, only to be caught, locked in a room, and abused. There was a time when my mother was abusing my relative and I begged her to stop because I couldn't endure hearing the screams any longer. She then made my relative apologise to me like a dog for "saving her". I recall lots of it and it has absolutely broken me. I am waking up in the middle of the night just remembering these things and, yet, not one of them happened to me directly.

     

    I don't know what to do? I want to confront my mother but her mental and emotional state may lead her to do something stupid to herself. I want to tell my relative I remember but I don't know. I want to tell other family members but they are--to be honest--highly reactive, judgemental individuals.

     

    I don't know what I am asking for. I am seeking advice from someone...I am devastated.

  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6838 posts
    26 August 2020 in reply to The_Wolf

    Hi The_wolf,

    Welcome and thank you for sharing your story. We are so sorry to hear about what you and your relative have been through, we understand that this must be incredibly overwhelming to be remembering these events from your childhood. We are really grateful that you were brave enough to reach out to the forums this evening as we know this can be difficult to do for the first time.

    Please know that support is always available to you, and we'd strongly urge that you get in touch with our friends at 1800RESPECT. They offer confidential information, counselling and support 24/7 for people who have been impacted by domestic or family violence and abuse. The lovely supportive counsellors have a lot of experience offering advice and support for anyone in a situation such as this. You can contact them on 1800 737 732 or at https://www.1800respect.org.au/

    In addition to this, the Beyond Blue Support Service is always available to you on 1300 22 4636 or you can also get in touch with the friendly counsellors at Lifeline on 13 11 14 to provide support and advice 24/7. Please do feel free to use these services to talk through what's on your mind when it's feeling like too much to cope with.

    Please also feel free to keep us updated here on your thread with what you are feeling and experiencing whenever you feel up to it - we hope that you find this to be a safe and non-judgemental space.

  3. Emmen
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Emmen avatar
    390 posts
    26 August 2020 in reply to The_Wolf

    Hello The_Wolf,

    I'm so sorry about what has happened. Thank you for sharing your story with us. It must have taken a lot of courage to do that.

    Recalling trauma from childhood can come as a shock and be overwhelming and devastating, especially when it involves a person you trusted. Talking to your relative and telling them that you remember may be something that could help both of you come to terms with what has happened. If you're not ready to confront your mother, it's okay to avoid doing that. The things you do should help you heal - you're not compelled to do anything that you don't wish to do.

    Accepting and processing childhood trauma can be a complex process. May I suggest seeing a therapist? It may help you work through these memories that you've been repressing. You can also contact the Blue Knot Foundation's helpline at 1300 657 380. They focus on childhood trauma, like what you've experienced.

    I echo Sophie_M in encouraging you to keep us updated on this thread about how you're feeling if and when you feel like doing so. We care about you and hope you find this forum a safe space to share what you're feeling.

    Take care,
    M

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