Dear lilyhilly~
It's been quite a while how since y first contacted us and I popped in to see if you were still around and if so how you are going.
Even leaving the bushfire to one side for a moment, the house invasion must have been terrifying. it would be for anyone, but especially with the things that have happened to you. I hope the Help Line was able to assist you.
I know with your job gone it might not be possible to see your existing therapist, but as someone who himself has PTSD, depression and anxiety I'd strongly suggest finding an alternative. If you look around our
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/bushfires-and-mental-health/
section it may give you some useful links.
I'm going to talk about the miscarriage, skip over it if you want to.
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It is a heart-breaking thing and it has happened to you twice. I'm not sure how reliable your prognosis is, getting the best information you can is obviously best.
You did say you had kept it to yourself, do you think that is hte best thing to do? Not everyone can say "my marriage is amazing and my husband is truly my best friend. " Have you talked the matter over with him as yet? If not do you think he would be supportive and cherish you as you need?
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That pretending mask is one I've used too. It starts off as a means of keepng away from undesirable topics, but quickly turns around and gives a sense of isolation. I even started to get annoyed my family and friends could not see though it to the me that was suffering inside.
I've not dealt with everything you have to face, but have said a lot for one post.
If you would like to come back we could talk some more.
Croix