Hi Whitewolfwarrior

I believe the challenges that are given to us by others are there to force our hand in some way. It can almost be like 'Okay, I'm going to challenge you now, so show me what you've got'. From personal experience, I've found that it's easier in some ways to remain that nice non-confrontational person but, in the long term, easier doesn't always work. Basically, if we're being challenged to evolve and we chose not to move forward, the outcome can be painful.

I am learning that many of the confrontations I face in life are less about confronting others and more about confronting myself. I'm sure you're familiar with the sort of internal dialogue which goes a little like this:

'Say something, c'mon, stand up for yourself!'

'No, I can't. What if this person stops liking me. What if my friend deserts me or my partner leaves me, what am I going to have then? Nothing but some form of hardship.'

'Just do it! You know you want to! You'll feel better for it.'

It's pretty confronting, hey! Yet, it doesn't even come close to the confrontation that follows (if we don't meet the challenge on offer):

'I can't believe you didn't stand up for yourself! What's wrong with you?! You're hopeless!'

I believe that whilst it can be somewhat fearful to confront someone who challenges us, this action is what frees us from ongoing internal confrontation. Imagine how you would feel if, the next time this woman came over, you left the room and returned with some carpet cleaning products saying 'I've tried to get out as many of these stains as possible. I thought you may have better luck. I'm sure you didn't mean for your dog to leave them. I've considered a carpet cleaning service but I can't afford it'.

Whitewolfwarrior, whilst you are obviously a kind, considerate and thoughtful person (with a deep desire for change), this woman who challenges you does not sound quite as evolved as you. It could not hurt for you to challenge her in relation to her being more kind, more considerate, more thoughtful. I believe you would be doing her a favour in regard to her evolution. Needless to say, she may not see it this way :)

Take care and accept the challenge

Thankyou therising. Your last section made me laugh. It only twigged this morn i was used again. She came for the sole purpose to let her dog have a run in a safe inclosed area and to talk about bathroom knowing full well it will affect my mental health. Only right at the end after talking about herself for ages did she ask the question how are you? When i started to talk suddenly she wanted to go home. Alot of people see innocence of a noticeable disabilty but i see completely through that and the manipulative side. I dont know if shes narcasitic. Shes not innocent she knows exactly what shes doing. Yet here i am still letting her use me. But i accept the challenge even though time has told shes always right im always wrong.

Whitewolfwarrior, I have that happen also. When I set boundaries, they are not respected. I also find many need to be listened to, I apparently do that well. Unfortunately being heard myself doesn't happen.

That little boy was/is very brave. I think it comes from being well parented, something I missed out on.

Isnt it good that online we can be heard and understood.

You sound like a very intuitive person, caring and empathetic, don't let anyone change those qualities, they are priceless and very necessary in our world.

I hope your evening is going well. I'm watching the Yorkshire vet!!!

Hello Whitewolfwarrior,

You mentioned in your original post that in the past you texted her with how you felt. Perhaps rather than trying to speak your mind to her in person this time you text her now before she can show up uninvited. Try writing it out on paper so you can be sure it is clear before texting it. You need to be blunt (not cruel/nasty) , people like her can twist things very easily so don't give her any rope. Given she has shown she cares nothing for your wellbeing & her only interest in you is what she can get out of you, I think it may be better to make it clear you no longer want to associate with her.

Just my thoughts. Hope you can resolve this soon.

Paw Prints

Thanks paw prints fantastic idea. I already texted her not long ago. I was realy careful how i worded it and read it over a few times to make sure it was right. It was blunt but not mean. Any replies from her will be deleted without reading. I feel so relieved now😌🐾🐾

You have done well. I hope your text is taken Seriousely and you can continue with people who have your best interests at heart.

Im glad bb have shown you support and understanding.

I might have a crafty day today. A bit early to decide yet. I hope your day goes well.