I rarely come by Beyond Blue anymore, there are too many things here that upset me when I see the pain of others. Today though, I felt the loss of my daughter deeply (and her mother). The breakdown of my marriage played out in front of my children and impacted them both profoundly. No physical contact with the pair since I left two years ago, though my daughter would sometimes speak to me or text. My wife teated me terribly our whole relationship (25 years), but apologised after each outburst- I thought that the apology made it O.K and that it would stop, she assured me she loved me and I knew I loved her. But, it just got worse.
Kids learn through observation. In time they both treated me like rubbish. I gave everything to, and for my family. When I left my daughter barred me from contacting her, then six months later told me I had not tried hard enough to speak to her (I had tried- so very hard). We had limited contact that always ended in pain for me. I do not lie when I say I would give her my heart if she needed it to survive- without a second's hesitation, but during the last contact she said the most horrible things and ended it with stating she will never speak to me again- ever! My best friend called around the day after, he was stunned at how in one night I had aged so much. I miss her so much, I cry every day thinking about her, then move on with my day. Everyone I know still has contact with their offspring. Everyone says "She will come round, just give it time" yet they have no idea what it is like or just what she said.
I was so pleased to come here today to see a thread that was on the same theme. To see many other people who are going through what I am. Break ups are common in this age, but years of no contact with people who you devoted (19) years of your life to, who have your blood in their veins, who you would give anything for. From everything I have read I see it is best I have no contact with her, it was killing me how cruel she was, the hardest part is the precious moments stay fresh in my mind- we were inseparable her whole childhood. Life never turns out the way we expect.