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Forums / Relationship and family issues / Feeling so desperate

Topic: Feeling so desperate

  1. Elsam
    Elsam avatar
    124 posts
    24 September 2021

    I am desperate, I have had to take Valium tonight to ease my Anxiety

    i am so in love with this man, he has pursued me for 5 mths and we have seen each other twice.

    i told him on Wednesday night that I am so attracted to him and he replied:

    Oh boy... Blushing

    I replied: You wanted to know!

    i want to message him but am so scared of scaring him off or losing him.

    I feel such an amazing connection with him and feel so crazy in love with him

    i don’t know what to do, the waiting is killing me!
    Why has been become distant?

    Is he thinking about me being attracted or is he is getting his thoughts together or is he ignoring me??

    I don’t know what to do with him!

    Do I send a message and say:

    Are you not talking to me now? Or it would be nice to know if you are not talking to me now? But that makes me look desperate!

    I sent him a nice message this morning:

    Happy Friday!

    Hope you have a nice day! xx

    Got no response

    I am dying with anxiety and can only think he is with another woman!

    I cannot think straight

    1 person found this helpful
  2. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    13098 posts
    24 September 2021 in reply to Elsam


    Thanks for writing with so much expression about your feelings. Dating new people is hard but now with meeting in person is limited it makes things harder.MySuper have to,d him how you feel so maybe wait till he replies.

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    3382 posts
    24 September 2021 in reply to Elsam

    Hi Elsam

    I'm sorry you're going through so much anxiety with this guy.

    I agree with what others have said elsewhere that it's very hard to know just what this man is up to from what you say.

    However personally I would figure this man is either very uncertain about pursuing the relationship and is blowing hot and cold, or he's just keeping you on the back burner.

    As things are, all you get is uncertainty and he knows you're there for him whenever he wants.

    I wouldn't pursue him any further. I wouldn't text him.

    Give him space with no contact.

    If he's genuinely interested he'll be back. If not, then you haven't wasted any more time on him. I

    I think you deserve a guy who you know cares about you. I'm honestly not sure if this guy is just unsure about a relationship with you or he's playing you along.

    He's only had two meetings with you in five months.

    Have you done things together like going out to places during the day or just meeting up to enjoy each other's company, not necessarily being intimate? Do you have any long conversations at all by phone at least? I know lock downs make things difficult but if he genuinely likes you he'd be talking to you regularly.

    If he comes back then see how it goes but I wouldn't be intimate with him again until you're certain about him.

    If he doesn't come back you've saved yourself from more heartache and you move on. Find someone who is more deserving of you.

    I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I wouldn't be waiting around for this guy.

    I'd get busy meeting someone else! Then if he does come back you can decide if you really want to pursue things further with him.

    Best wishes.

    2 people found this helpful
  4. Isabella_
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Isabella_ avatar
    154 posts
    24 September 2021 in reply to Elsam

    Hi Elsam,

    Thank you for sharing with us. It sounds like your anxiety has grown to be quite severe.. I'm sorry to hear this.

    I know exactly how you're feeling. The anticipation gets nearly painful and your mind wonders to different scenarios. I'm really proud of you for making the move to be honest about your feelings towards him.. that's not an easy thing to do.

    I think @Hanna3 has given some helpful advice - if he's the right one for you, he will come around. The ball is in his court now.

    Perhaps he needs some time to think and get his thoughts together.. Whatever it may be, it's hard to hear that you're experiencing extreme anxiety and stress over this situation.

    I think it may be helpful for you to distance yourself from him for a few days as hard as it is. If he still hasn't replied, it wouldn't hurt to ask him where he stands and get that closure. Distancing yourself and being focused on yourself will make it easier to not wonder where he is, what he's doing, how he might be feeling. I think that's important.

    It's hard to be in a position where you're left wondering about how he feels about you after being open with him. But again, I'm super proud of you for putting your heart out there, and you should give yourself a lot of credit for that.

    I hope everything works out for you and you're taking care of yourself. I'd love to hear how things have turned out :)

    Sending love.

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Elsam
    Elsam avatar
    124 posts
    25 September 2021

    Thank you for your wonderful replies and support. I am honestly really struggling!
    I love this man so much but cannot tell him as it is too early and it would only scare him off....

    At the same time I cannot handle these games they play, one day he is so full on and open and the next shuts down and is like a complete stranger!

    Maybe he is trying to understand his feelings, I don’t know and he will not open up about how he feels so I am left guessing which is so painful.

    I cannot go through these mind games after the years of abuse and mind games from my ex husband and this is what is causing my terrible anxiety.

    I have to know what he is thinking, so I will wait till tomorrow night and then send a message and just ask:

    Do you mind if I ask how you are feeling?

    When we were together 2 weeks ago, he was taking photos of me and complimenting me about how beautiful I looked, even asking if I lived alone

    I would have thought he would have known I lived alone after chatting for 5 months!

    The thing is he will not talk on the phone and will only message me but then he will send photos out of the blue with no messages.

    At least I have told him I am attracted to him to give him something to think about.

    The love I feel for this man, I cannot bring myself to walk away. That is just more torture for me

    I think I just need to get to the point and ask him how he is feeling and why he wanted photos of me and asked if I live alone. At least that will give me a bit more clarity!

  6. WaterFront
    WaterFront avatar
    88 posts
    25 September 2021 in reply to Elsam

    Hi Elsam,

    I think you should be cautious with this person. From your post, it appears there are a few things that don't quite add up (I might be being cynical- I don't know). There might be perfectly good reasons for some of his behaviours, though he hasn't really explained them to you.

    I'm sorry to hear you are feeling anxious and struggling with the not knowing how he is thinking or feeling as this can be difficult to deal with. If you do text him and ask, he might not reply and you are likely to feel worse. Some people lack directness in the way they communicate or he might have things going on which make it difficult to reply.

    My advice would be to wait for him to text you even though that will be hard for you to do. You have texted him a couple of times so the ball really is in his court at the moment.

    I hope it works out for the best for you.


    3 people found this helpful
  7. Elsam
    Elsam avatar
    124 posts
    25 September 2021 in reply to WaterFront

    I don’t understand some of his behaviour either. He is in a very busy high profile job but it takes 2 seconds to send a good morning message!

    I wish he would just tell me how he is thinking or feeling. The guessing is killing me!
    For 5 mths he has made comments and sent photos to let me know he is attracted to me.

    He has always been quite straightforward when I do ask a question.

    When we met 2 Saturday’s ago, he was great and communicated so well with me in person but he is a totally different person with messaging.

    I will wait till tonight or tomorrow night if I can bring myself to wait then just send a message asking: Is

    Is everything ok or did I do or say something! I will take the responsibility just to try and get some answers out of him.

    Maybe he has gone a bit cold since I said I was so attracted to him but wouldn’t anyone be happy if someone told you they are attracted to you?

    I hate this whole dating mind game rubbish! Why can’t men just be honest and straightforward and communicate?

    1 person found this helpful
  8. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    3382 posts
    25 September 2021 in reply to Elsam

    Hi Elsam,

    Why would you take responsibility here? There's no guarantee you will get an answer from this man that you can rely on it seems to me.

    Do you want a long term relationship Elsam? What are you looking for, for yourself? Does this man seem to be after a long term relationship, if that is what you would like? Has he explained why he won't talk to you on the telephone and only texts? Has he explained why he meets up with you, has sex with you, and then disappears again?

    Yes he has a busy job OK, but do you know where he lives or anything much more about him? How much can you verify about him that he has said?

    I'm sorry, but online dating - you have to be careful. Maybe this guy has reasons but I don't like the sound of things. So far two meetups and both times sex. Has he met up with you any other time?

    I'm not asking these things to upset you but to make you think about the relationship and what it is you want and need for yourself.

    Then maybe either don't text at all (which I prefer), or ask him quite directly, does he want a relationship or is it just about sex? If you say you will not have further sex without some kind of commitment from him, or until you know him better, and he clears off, there's your answer.

    Sorry but better to clear things up fast than keep lingering month after month for a guy that may or may not be worth all this anxiety and upset.

    Personally, I would get rid of him and find someone more reliable. Honestly, I don't like the sound of things. Why on earth won't he talk to you over the phone sometimes?

    I can only go on what you have described, so apologies if I am wrong, but please do think about yourself instead of worrying about him. You have to take care of yourself first here.

    I'm just thinking of your safety and personal welfare here.

    3 people found this helpful
  9. topsy_
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    topsy_ avatar
    1091 posts
    25 September 2021 in reply to Hanna3

    Hi Elsam

    I've been reading along & just thought I would share what I have experienced. I had two “relationships” where the men played mind games. These were painful & destructive for me.

    I was then lucky enough to meet a genuine man who would never think of playing mind games. I doubt he would even know how to do that. We have been married now for 23 years.

    My advice - save yourself the pain & torment. You’re worth so much more than that. T.

    2 people found this helpful
  10. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    3382 posts
    25 September 2021 in reply to Hanna3

    Don't sell yourself short Elsam - you have done nothing wrong. Decide whether his behaviour is good enough for you, and if not, demand better or find someone else. You said you had abuse in your past relationship with your husband? Maybe that has left you with doubts about your self-worth. That has happened to a friend of mine here who was in an abusive marriage to a man who constantly put her down.

    You are entitled to be treated with courtesy and respect. Don't ask him have you done something wrong!

    I am just concerned he may be seeing another woman/women in the time he is not seeing you - or else simply seeing you when it suits him, which is not caring about you.

    Over to you, but do please put yourself first in this relationship and decide what standards you want from a guy!

    2 people found this helpful
  11. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    3382 posts
    25 September 2021 in reply to topsy_

    Topsy, your profile pic is just gorgeous!

    And how great you ended up with a great partner! Good for you.

    2 people found this helpful
  12. Elsam
    Elsam avatar
    124 posts
    25 September 2021 in reply to Hanna3


    I only said I would take responsibility to try and get some sort of answer out of him. The years of abuse from a narcissist didn’t help and I was always blamed for everything he did wrong, everything was always my fault!
    I sent this man a message at 1.00pm today and just said How are you?
    No reply 6 hrs later when I have seen him online all afternoon.

    I am feeling so devastated and torn I can’t think of anything else.

    Why would he keep in contact for 5 mths to only do this to me when all I have been is nice to him.

    I don’t understand why he would send me photos last Sunday and then tell me he was blushing and now not reply to my messages!

    I will never trust another man! I have been hurt so much by my husband and now this.

    I just hope he replies and has a good reason for being so rude!

    Why can’t these men have enough respect to tell you they have lost interest ??

    I am giving him until tomorrow night to reply then I am sending a message:

    Is everything ok?
    You haven’t replied to my messages?

    I just feel sick with worry that they can do this and not feel bad for the hurt they cause!

  13. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    3382 posts
    25 September 2021 in reply to Elsam

    Hi Elsam

    That's what I don't like, that he's intimate with you and then so often doesn't reply to your messages or talk to you.

    I'd feel devastated if a man did that to me.

    I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. See what reason he comes up with but if he's online it's not a good look is it?

    Try to do something nice for yourself tonight and get your mind off him for a while. Easier said than done I know.

    See what response you get. Maybe a good opportunity to think hard about just what you are looking for in a partner.

    And don't blame yourself for anything. He doesn't seem to be behaving well does he? You deserve better.

    There's quite a lot about this kind of thing happening with internet dating if you google it.

    Sorry Elsam that you're going through such an anxious time.

    Let us know tomorrow how you are, Ok?

    People here will try to be supportive however things turn out.

    Take it easy tonight hey? Pamper yourself!


    2 people found this helpful
  14. Elsam
    Elsam avatar
    124 posts
    26 September 2021 in reply to Hanna3


    Thank you for the lovely message and kind support.
    I have had a terrible weekend feeling sick with anxiety!

    I spoke with my sister and she suggested sending him a message which I did earlier tonight, just trying to get some answers as I feel in a way he is playing games but at the very beginning of this friendship he said he wasn’t like that.

    I have been in two minds all weekend about sending another message so I decided to as i think it is the only way it is going to ease my mind and thoughts.

    This man is in his 50’s so I hope to god he is mature enough not to play games and hurt me.

    When we were together 2 weeks ago I said to him, I am scared of getting hurt and he said, the only time you will get hurt is if you fall in love....

    Anyway my message, which I hope is not too harsh, now I am stressing that I sent it.

    Hope you’ve had a nice weekend

    I am confused! If you have lost interest would you mind please telling me.

    I would love to see you again, we had a nice time together and I would like to get to know you.

    He has seen my message but he has not replied as yet, maybe he will sleep on it.

    I just wish he would communicate clearly!!

    I know he is attracted to me from his comments and my photos.

    I just hope to god he will say he has not lost interest

    If he doesn’t respond I am going to be a total mess!

    i wish now I never sent it, I tried to be so nice they way I worded my message.

    My message is not pressuring him is it??

  15. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    3382 posts
    26 September 2021 in reply to Elsam

    Hi Elsam

    I think it's exactly what you needed to say to him.

    Not replying to your messages is not being courteous to you.

    I'm glad you have your sister to talk with!

    Chill out for the evening - even if he sent you a polite reply I'd be cautious with this guy.

    You don't want someone who doesn't always treat you well.

    Go have a glass of wine and chill for a while! He hasn't been in a rush to reply to you. You don't need to reply to him in a hurry either.

    See what happens. I just don't have a good feeling about him.

    Relax! Whatever happens, happens. 🙂

    2 people found this helpful
  16. WaterFront
    WaterFront avatar
    88 posts
    26 September 2021 in reply to Elsam

    Hi Elsam,

    Your message was not too harsh so please don't worry about that. You are politely asking for him to let you know where you stand in relation to his intentions and indicating you are still interested.

    I'm with Hanna3 on this one. I'm not sure you should be trusting someone who has treated you in this way. You have messaged him a few times and he has clearly not considered your feelings. I would be very cautious. Also, if he has treated you in this way in the beginning of things, what would he treat you like moving forward if his response was positive?

    Honestly, he doesn't deserve you in my opinion. If he doesn't respond, he is showing you the type of person he is and you are probably lucky you didn't get any more involved with him. Someone on another BB thread told me that when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.


    2 people found this helpful
  17. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    3382 posts
    27 September 2021 in reply to Elsam

    Hi Elsam

    Just popping by to check on you here. Yesterday and today are a bit hectic but I'll definitely come by again sometime today.

    Great post by Waterfront! What you messaged was perfect and in ignoring you this guy was not being kind to you.

    I read a great article ages ago about what sort of partner you should look for after a bad relationship. I've always remembered what the woman writing it said:

    A man who is kind, a man who is kind, a man who is KIND!

    You're doing great Elsam! I'll check in again later. I know you've been anxious and upset. You have friends here!

    Hugs 🙂🥀🌄🌻

    2 people found this helpful
  18. Elsam
    Elsam avatar
    124 posts
    27 September 2021

    Thank you lovely friends

    I has a terrible night and this morning just feel so distraught and devastated like I can’t move on.

    Why do these men think it is ok to do this and just think it is fine!

    I have not yet received a response to met message, if he is not going to respond I don’t understand.

    Why doesn’t he just block me!

    How can he do this after 5 mths, flirting, playing with my emotions, messaging and chatting everyday and night, now nothing!

    He can’t even ask if I had a nice weekend

    My head is going to explode, I can’t think of anything else

    I can’t do this, I feel physically sick!

    I need to speak to him.

    1 person found this helpful
  19. WaterFront
    WaterFront avatar
    88 posts
    27 September 2021 in reply to Elsam

    Hi Elsam,

    When I have thoughts running around my head that are making me fixate and unhappy, I try to do something that needs really intense concentration so that my mind is fully occupied and can't wander back to the thoughts that are upsetting me. What this might be is of course different for each person and harder to do than say. I paint, read a really good book or practise meditation techniques. What can you do to take your mind of it? For a little while at least.

    I really don't understand how someone can ignore another person in the way that this man is doing to you. I do think he might be playing games. My advice, the next time you want to text him, write it down or journal your thoughts rather than text or come to BB to talk about it on the forums. Sit with it for a while and you might find you actually don't want to send it. Just a thought.

    I'm so sorry this situation is making you feel this way. We are here to help and listen.


    2 people found this helpful
  20. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    3382 posts
    27 September 2021 in reply to Elsam

    Hi Elsam

    I'm sorry you're going through so much distress and anxiety. Waterfront makes an excellent suggestion that you post here before texting.

    I'm sorry he is not responding to your messages. Personally I don't trust him. He may be feeling you're coming across a bit desperate and running away but he's been inconsistent all along.

    I know you say you're in love with him, but how much has he really done for you? How much time have you spent together so you could really get to know each other?

    Personally I suspect he's a bit of a player. Sorry but he sure fits the profile. I know he's been charming when he's been with you but he's quite OK with ignoring your messages and leaving you for a long time without phoning you to talk. Texting isn't much of a relationship. You deserve better than that.

    There are other kind decent interesting men out there. I wouldn't keep contacting this guy myself. Have you got a friend or friends you could go out with and just enjoy yourself for a while? (I know lockdowns make this difficult).

    I just think this guy isn't giving you what you have the right to expect in a relationship. I know his behaviour has hurt you badly and caused you a lot of anxiety.

    Can you just spend time caring for yourself and friends/family? I think you were very trusting of this man very early.

    Again I am sorry. We're all here to support you. Let us know how you are going. We do care.

    Hugs! 🥀🌄🌻

    2 people found this helpful
  21. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    3382 posts
    27 September 2021 in reply to Elsam
    I'm sorry he hasn't behaved better Elsam you must be feeling very hurt. Hug 🌷🌄🥀
    1 person found this helpful
  22. Elsam
    Elsam avatar
    124 posts
    5 October 2021 in reply to Hanna3

    Hello friends
    Sorry I have been too stressed to even reply! I have been having massive anxiety attacks and thought I was going to end up in hospital.
    After my message above on the 26th September where I was confused and asked him if he had lost interest!
    He replied the next day 27th Sept:
    Hello there! Hope you had a good weekend! I was and I am continuing to prep for my first exam which is this week. What were you up to?
    I understand but not sure I am ready to jump into a relationship at this stage.
    Hope you are having a great start into the new week!
    My response to try and ease his fear of a relationship!

    I’m not sure I’m ready for a serious relationship either just yet. I would still love to see you, get to know you and have fun with you!
    I knew it, I scared you!
    I shouldn’t have said anything about being so attracted to you! At the same time you can’t help who you are attracted to ...
    I’m only being honest...

  23. Elsam
    Elsam avatar
    124 posts
    5 October 2021 in reply to Hanna3

    Part 2

    Tuesday 28th Sept: he sent me a photo
    Wednesday & Thursday I never heard from him so I thought I would give him some space!
    Friday 1st October: I wished him a Happy Friday and he responded and said:
    Did you see this? With a news link to the international travel restrictions being lifted
    I made a couple of comments and he never replied.
    Saturday afternoon I was furious and decided to send a message:
    Can I ask you something please?
    He replied: Sure
    So I asked:
    Was I wrong by telling you I am attracted to you ?
    To clarify my comment:
    I would love to see you again, we had a nice time together and I would like to get to know you! Did not mean I am wanting to jump into a relationship xx
    Sunday night I sent a photo I had taken of a beautiful sunset and he just ignored it.
    Yesterday I was having a full anxiety/panic attack and could not get out of bed.
    I sent this message late yesterday afternoon:
    How are you ?
    Can you please tell me if I have done or said something ?
    I am hurting and don’t know why you have changed after 5.5 mths when we had a nice time!
    Please talk to me xxx
    He read my message straight away and sent me a photo with the following message:
    I am buried in Books and exams getting ready for my upcoming tests this week and preoccupied with that. As I mentioned not keen to kindle too much at the moment. I am sure you understand. Hope you had a fantastic weekend!
    I replied:
    I totally understand you are busy and have your exams!
    You were texting me everyday and flirting, how did you want me to feel. You were sending photos every time you were flying and then stopped!
    When we were together you gave me the impression you were attracted to me!
    That’s why I’m confused!
    Can I ask what you are looking for? Do you just want a friend with benefits?
    As I said you cannot help who you are attracted to....
    If there is no attraction there is nothing!
    I like you, I think highly of you....
    Is there anything wrong with that?
    I was being so honest with him and he could not reply!
    I had a good cry this afternoon because I don’t know what to try next and all I want is to see him
    So tonight I sent a nice message:
    Good luck with you exams this week xx
    No response!!!
    I am hurting so much, I don’t know what to do or what to think
    Why could he be so nice to me for nearly 6 mths and now suddenly changes! He was like he was in love with me when I was with him and now seems so nasty!
    I don’t understand

  24. Juliet_84
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Juliet_84 avatar
    623 posts
    5 October 2021 in reply to Elsam

    Hi Elsam,

    I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been having massive anxiety attacks and have nearly wound up in hospital as a result. I hope you look after yourself and your well being. This guy doesn’t sound like good news, at the very least you both seem on very different pages to me. By his actions, he is obviously not keen on a relationship or even anything more than extremely casual with infrequent messages/contact and sex. And your response that you didn’t think that you were ready for a serious relationship just yet seems to do a disservice to you too, as you are so obviously wanting a relationship with this man. My impression is that he can likely tell this as well by the level of communication that you want and the things that you say. I would just hate for you to be stuck in limbo with this person where you accept less than what you want or deserve because he is incapable of providing it, while he continues to live his life without care or consideration spare the odd text. Has he explained to you why he won’t actually speak to you on the phone? That would be a huge red flag to me that he may even be married or live with someone. I hope that my post hasn’t offended you, as I know that I did last time, but I really just don’t want this guy to waste your time if he’s not genuine.

    4 people found this helpful
  25. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2914 posts
    5 October 2021 in reply to Juliet_84

    Hiya Elsam.

    l'm afraid l agree with Juliet. It's been over 5mths and l'm really sorry but he's still just playing the same tune which he'd told you back at the start and now all this time later the same again. l'm not ready to jump into a relationship translates to he just isn't interested in anything more. He wasn't then and 5mths later still isn't.

    The thing is, of course he's nice when you have met up, and complimentary. He's spending the evening and night with you, that's a bit hard to do if you aren't at least nice to someone. Attracted enough to sleep with someone is only a small part of the equation and doesn't equate to real relationship material though and that's where the thing is. And this wk well he has said a few times he's buried in exams so it's a terrible time to even attempt to nut things out but tbh, any time would be for him anyway bc he just isn't feeling that way.

    Tbh , he hasn't really done or shown very much at all right through really. A few pics and lines mostly replying to you over 5mths is the same as attraction , it doesn't equate to or fit a man in love. l'm sorry but unless all you want is just a casual night or two every few mths when he feels like it, this really isn't gonna go anywhere.


    5 people found this helpful
  26. WaterFront
    WaterFront avatar
    88 posts
    5 October 2021 in reply to Elsam

    Hi Elsam,

    I too am sorry to hear this person is continuing to behave in a way that is causing you distress. You have given him plenty of chances to be a caring person to you and he has continued to be non-committal and distant in his responses. I would be giving him so much space from now on that he might think he's in orbit. I know it is hard but try to take a step back and look at how he has been treating you and ask yourself if that is acceptable, what you deserve and what you should accept. I'm sure the answer is no. You deserve so much more and should accept nothing less.


    2 people found this helpful
  27. Elsam
    Elsam avatar
    124 posts
    5 October 2021 in reply to Juliet_84

    Thank you @Juliet_84 I really do appreciate your messages thank you.

    He told me he has been divorced 7 years and his ex wife and 2 adult children are in the US

    Why does he have to keep going back to the US every few months if he is not married. He only came back in July and has told me he is planning to go again at Christmas!

    He will not talk on the phone. He will only message me!
    I feel like ringing him from my work phone cause he doesn’t know the number!!

  28. Elsam
    Elsam avatar
    124 posts
    5 October 2021 in reply to randomx


    I am so confused, after nearly 6 mths he has pursued me because I have always waited for him to message me first before I reply that way I knew he was chasing me.

    What I don’t understand is that he was on an Internet dating site to meet someone, so we met and I have become attracted to him, isn’t that the reason to go on a dating site? To find someone that is attracted to you??

    It seems as soon as I told him I was so attracted to him he has freaked out!

    But he wanted to know what I was thinking and I even asked him if he really wanted to know and he said Yes!!!

    He changed drastically after we were together 3 weekends ago but he was the one that wanted to see me

  29. Elsam
    Elsam avatar
    124 posts
    5 October 2021 in reply to WaterFront

    @Waterfront thank you so much

    I cannot understand how a guy in his 50’s can behave this way

    He is a professional and in a high profile career.

    I don’t understand why he is treating me this way after months and months when all I have been is nice to him!

    He even kept in contact the whole time for the 6 weeks he was overseas.

    Why start playing games now when he could have done this months ago before I become so emotionally attached.

    I even sent a nice message tonight saying:

    Good luck with your exams this week xx

    He could not even respond and say thank you! 😢😢

  30. Elsam
    Elsam avatar
    124 posts
    5 October 2021 in reply to randomx


    If he is not interested why has he kept in contact then??

    I know he is attracted to me because he has told me and has told me he loves my photos

    So I don’t understand why he is so hot and cold all the time

    They say this hot and cold behaviour in men is because they are not sure of their feelings and are scared of committing or been hurt in the past ???

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