I'm not coping. 3years ago I got the courage to leave an abusive marriage ( we were married for 7) he continued to try and control and manipulate me as a result I handed over our 3 young children, believing all he said about me being a failure etc, I regretted that day ever since and 18 months into a court battle too see them ( he is using my history of mental illness as proof I'm a horrible person.I was abused as a child,bullied as an adolescent, developed Annorexia and was hospitalised at 17 diagnosed as depressed at that time and branded a failure and someone who has caused my family too much stress,I was medicated, self medicated with drugs found yoga hot better meet my ex feel apart finally left continued to feel like a bourdon on everyone including my children , being a mum made me proud and gave me a sense of worth,) I meet my next partner we planned a baby , then 6 months ago things started unravelling, I didn't want to be spoken to rudely or controlled,I tried to keep things together, I honestly felt and too some point still feel he was the love of my life,however 2 months ago he decided he had had enough, whilst I have our son with me ( he is 1) his family have continued to bully me and I have lost friends, I was forced to move home, suicidal thoughts and self harming are rearing their ugly heads, I feel so alone, I can't bourdon my family with more of my failures as a person, I know I have my son too live for, but I'm scared of being alone, and it hurts when people are so heartless in their comments

Dear pheonix,  welcome to BB forum. 

The pain of not being full time mum to your kids is the same pain most men in your situation feel.  Being a part time dad is terribly painful and also for the kids.

Your situation justifies professional help, your GP and his/her guidance, legal assistance and so on.  I cant see anywhere that I could clearly advise you on except- no matter where you end up and what you are doing you will always be your childrens mum and no one can ever change that.  My girls are 25 and 22yo. Its amazing how fast they grow and one day when they are much older they will be around you all the time- I'm sure.

You need to settle. Now that you dont have a partner take this opportunity to relax without one, care for your toddler and get all the assistance you can possibly get.

Hope you do ok.      WK

Thank you White Knight, it is true what I am going through most men feel, it's horrible and hard and the courts are not helping, I need to grasp even a thread of hope

Dear Pheonix,

 And you will have that thread of hope. That thread is that your children are well and looked after. That is a huge thing.  The courts will take a long time, be prepared for that. Partners using any means possible against the other party isnt unusual. But in my experience all the hype and worry is often replaced by negotiation and any rights you have (and the rights of the children).

So at this stage grief and sadness could be lessened a little with that knowledge, that it might not end up as bad as it is being felt at the moment.

Just go through the processes, try your best to seek professional help. This help will be noted on their notes and could assist you in future court cases to dispel untruths and prove your ability as a mother.

cyber hug