Hi there Hope
Firstly, welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for coming here and providing your post. I so hope that some of the wonderful community members will see your post and reply to it with some hopeful advice for you.
I will try myself, but in the first instance, maybe we could bounce a few things off each other as though I'm not in the same situation as you, some of the things you've mentioned really resonated with me.
You see, I have a 16yo son, who we've barely seen over the past 3 or so years - he's also into these internet games (strategy games with talking involved - who too, we have no idea) but it's so weird cause it's at all hours of the day and night. He has chronic problems sleeping during the night, which then means he's hell to wake up and get going of a morning. And yep, he gets antsy when we ask much of him - I just beat myself up as being a bad dad - because there's NO WAY I would have ever gotten away with what he's getting away with, when I was growing up.
For your son, it sounds like at least he HAS scored a job in the past, yeah?
You also mentioned raising two kids - the other one is still at home or has moved out?
I really just wanted to type in to say, that I've heard and read your post and that I have a son who's into these kinds of things (at a much earlier age) - although, may I ask how your son was during school years? Or did he not acquire this internet gaming habit until after school was finished for him?
I do hope others might get onto your thread and have much better suggestions than myself, because I haven't really helped you at all - and I can see how much you obviously care for and love your son (I hope you can write back also).