( the BB managers/site may not allow or post this or like i have used up so much time/space/text talking to you Gabby......but....
i speak and feel from the heart, i do this without filtering
so sorry if i am breaking any rules on this site )
I just want to finish reading what you typed to me and others Gabby......and for what its worth, finish replying to you.
I so know what you mean about, a "job" just not being even close to what you could handle.....that's why Centrelink (massive) , housing SA, family and friends and "society's" expectations of WHAT i NEED and SHOULD be doing.....makes all "this".....feel like your not normal.....makes you so guilty and so apart from "normal" people.
" I'm sorry I haven't even asked you about your depression".....dont be Gabbby......its all good,this isnt about me....i have had 49 years hiding this and Im pretty good at it.....:)
"Gosh I really sound like a loser don't i? My whole life is in ruins. It's a wonder that you'd even want to talk to me! Well if you still do, I'd be happy to listen to your story, if you feel comfortable in sharing it, that is. "........
YES...i DO want to talk to you Gabby....." so THERE"...sticks out my tongue at you in a playful way
NO, you dont sound like a "looser".....you sound like someone who is....."drowning.....not waving"...OK ?...
I personally .....OK....
ok...I think , out of respect for you and how brave and open and what you have shared to all of us,that i owe you at least as best as i can.....a few things about me, but i
dam it...........lump in my throat the size of a soccer ball.....wow
dont know where to start or ...dont want to hijack YOUR time and space here Gab's.....dont want to sound rambling.
wow- this is harder than i ever thought.give me a moment........
fewlllll....you got alot of guts lady, to be able to share as you have......I um....i thought this would be easier
just spent 15 min pacing around my house ....balling my eyes out.....not a good look.
I'll try doing it this way....a bit quick and incomplete and clinical and sterile....i wasnt expecting....but i think i understand why you ask to " show me yours if i show you mine"......thats fair and propper Gabby
MOST ofT HIS IS going to be a bit all over the place....but i will keep it as short..and most i will read from papers to/from gp to the psychologist...first and only time have been to....if i dont do it this way....then i cant do it.
type 1 diabetes.......leveles range from ....1.9----up to 24.Im not good at eating regular, or keeping it down, or being abale to get to a / my GP for scripts...i spends many days without depression etc medication because i cant get out of my bedroom or house.
diagnosed in 2011/12...from a referal from GP to a paychiatrist ( norwood in S.A)
Chronic PTSD (from extreme abusive childhood,flashbacks,ruminations,social triggers etc etc etc with total avoidence
server long term sleep disorder/insomnia....wakes every hour or so throughout every night
born last and youngest of 7.....both parents alcoholics before and for many many years after i was born and most of my brothers and sisters abused drugs and alcohol....and me
ahhhh.i read up and feel like i am complaining........
sexualy abuse buy family member and 2 other non family.
severe physically abuse by family memebers
server physiologically abuse by family memebers
steal food at school from other kids "lunch packs and bags"....
i use to "wag " school....and hide and sleep under bushes, because i count sleep with all the violence in the house
my brother closest ( near twin/treated like a twin) died by suicide in jail when i was 21
farther 1 time killed by massive heart attack....2 weeks later a brother diagnose with aids
my mother never had a boyfriend, she met my dad and they were together for life
my mum's ONLY carer for 13 years....24 / 7.....didnt evenget told i could have a rest
ALL other family members thought, Robbie gets carer payment, so all responsability to HIM
i did...EVERY moment.....took her to hospital ....she pased away that night 2010
few weeks later....55 year old sister died......
housing trust in S.A. gave me hell
centre link same
so so so much more in between those above lines, 2 kids.....SO much more
I am not going to keep doing this