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Forums / Relationship and family issues / I can't even enjoy Easter. Is that petty

Topic: I can't even enjoy Easter. Is that petty

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. Poobies
    Poobies avatar
    1 posts
    5 April 2021
    Urgh. I can't even enjoy family holidays because my 16year old step daughter is so worried about not getting as much as the kids............ grow up..... she had her turn when she was a kid.........

    Heres her post online.......

    "I got one chocolate Easter egg and they got like 20 and I was so happy to savour this large egg and you KNOW they Did?

    They ATE my only f**king EGG

    So upset rn."

    She's so worried about my kids having more chocolate than her so she was leaving her bag places at nannies and poppies. So LP hooked into her chocolate......

    On the way home she was so cranky she's used the argument of she shouldn't have been in my stuff.......we pointed out that LP is 2............ she is 16.

    I'm just so over being made feel bad for her shit in her own head.
  2. socialmoth
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    socialmoth avatar
    79 posts
    5 April 2021 in reply to Poobies

    Hi Poobies,

    I was very lucky that when my parents got divorced and re-married, I had a fantastic experience and even when my half-sister was born when I was 15, my mum ensured that we were not forgotten in the excitement of the new baby.

    Being 16 is a really tough time in anyone's life, but especially for a young girl. She's finding out who she is in the world and sometimes is unable to appropriately express emotions - I know I couldn't! Especially when it feels like no one is listening to you sometimes you turn to posts online, just like you have in this forum.

    I think you might need to remember that you have entered this child's life, bought your own family with you and turned her world upside down, even if that's not what you have intended. Of course there is going to be jealousy and tough times, but you're the adult in this situation and you need to guide your step daughter by not only speaking to her (preferably with her biological parent as well) but also by acting as an example. I know I used to get so upset with my step mum when she'd tell me to do things but wouldn't do them herself.

    If this situation is part of a pattern of behaviors, maybe you need to sit down with the biological parent and really figure out what your next step is. How you can help your step daughter feel like she is part of the family and that all the kids are just as important as each other? I know for me, having dedicated alone time with my biological parents away from my step parents really helped with this.

  3. tranzcrybe
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    tranzcrybe avatar
    711 posts
    5 April 2021 in reply to Poobies
    I guess it has really nothing to do with the chocolate or even how much or how little. It's what this gesture represents - a gift, a feeling of inclusion and being loved. We never get too old for that, huh?
    When LP acted as only 2yo's can, this symbolic gesture was betrayed leaving stepdaughter (with already some history between you and her, it would seem) feeling excluded.
    When you make a distinction such as 'my kids', it would suggest you may not be as inclusive as you could (despite any justified feelings you may have regarding her antics - as only 16yo's can!).
    LP is 2, she is 16, so what's your excuse? Buy her another Easter egg (they'll be cheaper now) to make up for LP's exuberance .

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