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Forums / Relationship and family issues / I wanted a simple life

Topic: I wanted a simple life

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. wanted_a_simple_life
    wanted_a_simple_life avatar
    51 posts
    16 July 2015

    We had everything going for us, beautiful family, financially set up and lived in an amazing house near the beach then...........

    My wife said to me after going away for a girls weekend, that she has been unhappy for 6 years. I suspected she had met someone as she seemed to switch off. She moved away quickly with the kids and told everyone untruths about me as a husband. I wasnt perfect, but not who she made me out to be.

    Well 7 months later, the truth is out, she did meet someone on the girls weekend and have been in contact ever since. She made him known to my kids a few weeks after meeting him and they recieved christmas presents from him. They were with her when she slept together for the first time on a weekend away, some 2 months after they met.

    I found out they got engaged 2.5 months after they met and planned a life together. All this time she maintained the unthruths about me and kept the engagement hidden from her family and most of her firends. We even had marriage counselling but she never dislosed anything to the counsellor.

    They broke up recently and he made contact with me and revealed the whole truth about the situation and provided evidence to support his claims.

    All through this my kids watched thier mum lie to people and helped her cover up her situation. She tells them lies about me which has distanced them from me. I find that unfair.

    All the way through this, many people suspected what was going on, but now we know the truth and I feel better, but does not change the facts and I miss my kids dearly.

    More has come out about her kissing other guys and I feel horrible that she has done this to me.

    I never cheated on her or physically abused her or the kids.

    I think she is seeing a counsellor and have heard they said she has major issues to deal with.

    The other day she said that she realises she has hurt me and the kids. I feel sorry for her but hate whats she has done.

    I want to move on cause I deserve better, but find it hard to....

     

  2. Indra
    Indra avatar
    180 posts
    16 July 2015 in reply to wanted_a_simple_life

    Hi Simple Life,

    Welcome to BB. I can relate very much to your story as this has happened to me in my past two relationships and just very recently. 

    It is hard - but the hardest part is that you have to move on. By your wife saying that she knows that she has hurt everyone is just a cop out for her. It's because her new pursuits have failed, cheaters don't feel remorse. Nobody is perfect and you certainly shouldn't blame yourself. The lying and underhandedness is the part I found hard to deal with.

    Please establish some regular contact with your children and seek some legal advice - even if you are both amicable. Situations can change quickly. Be there for your children and if you need help, contact your GP or other professionals. 

    The old adage of time heals - it will take time and it will hurt. You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you and committed to you only. Trust will take time as well.

    Stay strong and if you need an ear - get back to us on the forums.

    Wishing you all the best,

    Indra 

  3. romantic_thi3f
    Community Champion
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    romantic_thi3f avatar
    3151 posts
    16 July 2015 in reply to wanted_a_simple_life

    Hi wanted_a_simple_life,

    Thanks for reaching out to BB.  I'm really sorry that there's so much going on for you; it sounds like it's been a bit rough for both you and the kids.

    You definately haven't done anything wrong, and despite all the terrible cliches - it's just one of those things that happened.  We can't take it back so all we really have is now.

    I think trying out marriage counselling was a good idea, but unfortunately if your wife either isn't ready or not able to communicate that makes it really hard to help repair a relationship.  I wonder if it's worth you seeing a counsellor on your own?  Sometimes it can help to either get some tools to help you cope or try and understand. 

    I also think that seeing someone might help you move on too.  You guys were together for a bit so it's gonna take a bit of a shift to figure out what sorts of things make you happy again and how you can spend your days busy without thinking about your wife and what coulda/shoulda/woulda happened.

    Even hobbies/interests?  I know for me sometimes it helps me switch off when I find something that I'm really passionate about; maybe it's a home project, some photography or whatever you enjoy that can keep you a bit more centred.

    Good luck :) 

     

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