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Forums / Relationship and family issues / My father and my partner don't get along

Topic: My father and my partner don't get along

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    326 posts
    27 January 2021

    Hello there,

    I am currently stuck in a very frustrating and unsettling conundrum. My father and my partner don't get along.

    At first, my boyfriend did make an effort to get to know him. However, since the separation of his wife and the feelings of overbearing stress he makes me feel enormously guilty when I am not with him, at home.

    My boyfriend is frustrated with this and both think of each other as 'selfish'

    My father did make an effort too but he has the tendency to talk about his worries and concerns when conversing with other people. And obviously this can get enormously draining. My father complains when he has to pick me up from my boyfriend's house.

    And my boyfriend has tried to keep his cool.

    I am so concerned and worried. What should I do?

    Please share some responses with me as I would greatly appreciate it,

    regards

    PF

  2. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    326 posts
    27 January 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    Also I forgot to clarify his parents really like me and they are glad I'm in their lives.

  3. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    326 posts
    27 January 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur
    I should clarify that my father gets upset when I'm not home with him and makes me feel guilty
  4. james1
    Multicultural Correspondent
    • Foundation members of our Multicultural Experiences section
    • China
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    james1 avatar
    2945 posts
    27 January 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    Hello PsychedelicFur,

    That sounds like a really stressful and difficult situation to be in. I'm someone who gets really anxious about the people I care about liking each other and, even though my friends tell me I need to let go of that because I can't control it, I still get worried.

    Perhaps rather than trying to change what they think of each other, it could be easier to find ways to help them understand that they're both important to you and they need to respect that.

    In my own experience, if I knew my mother didn't like someone else, I'd get really antsy when she'd complain about that person. So I've tried to get into the habit of asking her to please not say certain things while I'm around - I know and respect my mum's perspective, but I would prefer she complain to someone else because I don't want to be unfairly influenced by her repeating negative things constantly.

    Ultimately, your partner and father may simply never be friends, but they can certainly learn how to be civil out of a shared care and love for you.

    James

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    5893 posts
    25 March 2021 in reply to james1

    Hi all,

    We just want to let you know we are closing this thread. For PsychedelicFur's latest thread, see: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/anxiety/leaving-a-toxic-energy-behind

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