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Forums / Relationship and family issues / Nothing i do pleases my parents and it’s pushing me towards suicide.

Topic: Nothing i do pleases my parents and it’s pushing me towards suicide.

9 posts, 0 answered
  1. misillusions
    misillusions avatar
    4 posts
    28 March 2021
    absolutely nothing i do pleases my parents and it’s very depressing and disheartening. they say they’re only hard on me because they care but it’s just too much. i’ve told them how they make me feel with unfair expectations and ect. and they told me they know better than me and i need to listen to them no matter what because they’ve been around longer. we are pretty much in a constant argument, and it really drains me. this has been going on for years and despite a mental ward admission they still act the same. i’m extremely close to killing myself as i cannot go on like this any longer. i’m exhausted i’m drained i’m sick of it. i’m 16 and have tried to move out but they refuse to give me my passport or birth certificate or any form of ID so i can’t really get very far. i don’t know what to do anymore i’ve tried talking to them explaining it all to them and how i’m feeling and dad often replies with the good old “toughen up, other people have it worse”. please give me advice on what to do i’ve been at my breaking point for 6 months at least.
  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    5898 posts
    29 March 2021 in reply to misillusions
    Hey misillusions,

    Welcome to our forums and thank you for reaching out here tonight. We are so sorry to hear that you're feeling overwhelmed and under intense pressure. It sounds like things are quite complicated and fraught between you and your parents. We are so sorry about this. It sounds like it's quite tense and lonely for you and we can undersatnd how hard it all must be for you. We are so grateful that you took the brave step in reaching out here tonight and we are very proud of you for doing so. Please know that you are in a safe, non-judgmental space here. We have contacted you privately to offer additional support. 

    There are other support options available as well such as Kids Helpline that you can contact via telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under.

    The community is here to support you and you are not alone. Please keep checking in here to let us know how you are doing, whenever you feel up to it.
    1 person found this helpful
  3. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15269 posts
    29 March 2021 in reply to misillusions
    Hello Misillusions, and can we offer you a warm welcome and very sorry for the situation you're in.

    Parents may have a different way of looking at someone your age, and there maybe a couple of reasons for this, they don't want their kids to feel this way, so try to push it away or believe that they have had to cope with much more over the years, well maybe, but times change from generation to generation and can't be compared.

    No matter what age anyone is, depression is a serious concern and can't be ignored as it doesn't go away by itself, sure it can be hidden but that doesn't solve the problem.

    You are allowed to see a doctor by yourself and begin the help you need, your parents don't need to know unless any danger is involved, so if they aren't told at the moment, then keep any treatment to yourself, not unless you need to discuss this issue with them, however if you want your doctor could contact your parents and explain, sometimes coming from a doctor people who were unaware realise there is a problem and then help you.

    Kids Helpline as Sophie_M has suggested could be wh0ere you could start, their hone number is 1800 55 1800 or you could have a look on the net and these people are trained counsellors but dress in casual clothes, which can instantly breakdown any barriers.

    When you feel like it you can get back to us.

    Thanks.

    Geoff.
    1 person found this helpful
  4. Juliet_84
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Juliet_84 avatar
    560 posts
    29 March 2021 in reply to misillusions

    Hi missillusions,

    I just want to say, please don’t do something as permanent as commit suicide. You really only have two more years at most before you are out of the house. And once you are out of the house your relationship with your parents changes completely and they then only have as big or as small a part as you want them to have. My mother was emotionally abusive throughout my adolescence, to the point that I could barely bare it and made everything so difficult, but the second I was out it shifted completely and she then stopped trying to control me as she knew it was pointless. I know it’s so hard but you need to try and hang in there and find ways that you can hopefully get out of these situations when they arise. Do you have your drivers license? Do you have friends whose house you can go to as needed? Just try and work onsetting yourself up for independence as much as you can. It will be like such a weight lifted off your shoulders once you have that freedom

    1 person found this helpful
  5. misillusions
    misillusions avatar
    4 posts
    29 March 2021 in reply to Juliet_84
    Hi, thanks for the reply, i do not have my drivers license no, but my girlfriend has been very supportive and lets me stay there whenever i need.
  6. misillusions
    misillusions avatar
    4 posts
    29 March 2021 in reply to geoff
    they have taken me to see doctors but with ill intent. they would tell the doctors im becoming a nuisance and only really wanted the doctors to "fix" me for their own sake, not mine.
  7. tranzcrybe
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    tranzcrybe avatar
    617 posts
    29 March 2021 in reply to misillusions
    Sounds like you are the mature one in the family - I admire your openness with your parents despite their stubborn resolve to mould you to their way of thinking. Sadly, this is where you might be wasting your breath as you are not being respected for your view, and input toward your goals and aspirations is deemed 'non negotiable'. I sense your frustration and am sorry for your parent's insensitivity along with the impact it is having on your mental wellbeing.
    Although I would agree they "know better" than you in life you have yet to encounter, your emotional distress clearly demonstrates a lack of compassion from them for how you feel or expect/deserve to be treated, irrespective of the demands placed upon you. In that regard at least, I would suggest they do not know better than you. However, you are still under your parent's dominion and thoughts of departure from this house (or anything beyond) would be ill-advised and potentially hazardous to your personal safety as well as being premature.
    Perhaps consider this:
    1> In 10 years, when you have secured some prestigious and high paid position, will you still curse the controlling behaviour of your parents toward you during these years?
    2> Alternatively, if you abandon your studies altogether and live on the streets, will you ever long to have been prevented from doing so?
    3> And finally, if you choose your own path and work to your best endeavour to pursue your studies/interests without confrontation, despite your parents' protestation and disapproval (as they will never be satisfied), will you feel empowered to develop the maturity and character you currently possess?
    I guess what I am saying is that it is possible to respect your parents' best intentions without feeling compelled to meet them all the way. They want you to work hard, of course, as we live in a competitive world; but ask yourself, what is the future you seek and can you make allowance for your parents' overt enthusiasm for your talents as being just what concerned, loving, and delusional parents do? You can be the example of compassion for their shortcomings through offering empathy - they know no better, so much depends on how you respond.
    1 person found this helpful
  8. misillusions
    misillusions avatar
    4 posts
    3 April 2021 in reply to tranzcrybe
    thank you so much for your reply you made some very good points and somewhat changed my perspective on things. it means a lot thank you.
    1 person found this helpful
  9. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    2172 posts
    3 April 2021 in reply to misillusions

    Hi misillusions

    You sound like a very conscious highly sensitive person, factors you should be proud of.

    I'm Mum to a 15yo boy and 16yo girl and one thing I often say to them is 'Don't toughen up to become just as insensitive as everyone else. Instead, build upon your sensitivity to get you further'. Give you just a few examples

    • What do you sense or feel when someone is being degrading? I imagine it's a horrible feeling for you. For me, it's like I can feel that person gradually bringing me down. I've learned to trust this feeling and, in doing so, can easily sense a degrading person as soon as I meet them. I have as little to do with them as possible. Instead, I'll spend my time looking out for an inspiring person. I bet you can easily sense inspiration. This feeling typically leads us to a sensation of being on a high. It's like suddenly feeling alive
    • I bet you can easily sense thoughtlessness in another person or an unreasonable nature. It can definitely be a highly agitating feeling at times. You can almost feel it gradually building. If you require great thought and reason from someone, you can easily feel when you're not getting these things. This agitating feeling can direct you to begin seeking someone else, someone who possesses the qualities you're looking for, so that you can begin making progress
    • Can you easily sense when someone has an open mind? For me, I always get a 'lighthearted' feeling. I can even become pretty excited, especially when I've been seeking someone with an open mind for a while

    You are sensitive enough to feel and recognise what some others can't. You have some natural abilities.

    If your parents are degrading and don't feel the impact of such degradation, this becomes questionable. If they choose not to think how their choices impact you and often give you no good reason for their choices other than (that's the way I was raised), that too is questionable. If their minds are not open to new ideas, like some of the productive ideas young people wish to bring into play when it comes to mental well being, this too is questionable. I should say in some cases, through experience, they may know better but not in all cases.

    My goal is not to slam your parents as I know how challenging it can be, being a parent. My goal is to lead you to see that you are sensitive for good reason. Your sensitivity is your compass and it has brought you here, to where you may find the difference, inspiration and guidance you seek.

    Welcome :)

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