OK, so where I'm coming from. My wife and I got married and had AMAZING sex, and then we had a child and it STOPPED. For about 10 years we had sex maybe once a month and she always said the same things
Don't kiss me, don't touch me
Aren't you done yet?
Do you feel better?
It was soul destroying. But, in hindsight, she had a traumatic birth, and she had post traumatic stress and post natal depression. So, in hindsight I blame myself that I was not more aware and supportive.
our sex life now is pretty much off the charts. Things got better with time. I absolutely advocate that if you love someone, you hang in there and work on it. It sounds like there's serious trauma at play in your situation but if the sex was good and died, something must have triggered that. So my main suggestion would be to tell her that you love her, you don't just use her for sex, the absence of sex doesn't make you consider anyone else. But, it does hurt you that you're not intimate (I would highlight that the lack of all affection is in play here, this happened to me although in my case I think I withdrew when sex ended), and suggest you also do couples counselling to talk together. Make clear you're offering her support to work through it, not just looking for someone to 'fix' her. I think you're saying all the right things. I think you'll get through this. I just think if you're more proactive than I was, you won't go through the decade of misery I did.