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Forums / Relationship and family issues / Supporting children with autism

Topic: Supporting children with autism

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. Here2Talk
    Here2Talk avatar
    276 posts
    22 June 2021

    Hi all,

    I have a 6yo son with level 2 asd.

    An interesting episode tonight. He tripped last night and got a small graze on the top of his foot, and after a day it finally bloodied up (you now how grazes can sometimes not bleed or scab straight away). Anyway he was distressed, as usual, when getting into the shower, because he said “it’s going to hurt”. I tried to placate him and persuade him that it would be manageable; alas he was so distressed that eventually we just put a bandaid on and let him shower like that.

    The exact scenario is not that important; I am just Wondering if anyone has thoughts or ideas or experiences with autistic children, and in terms of what you should do in terms of nudging them to try and do difficult or uncomfortable things?

    He is very intelligent young man (ahead of the class eg in maths and spelling and reading), but has trouble with rigid ideas and subtlety characteristic of autism.

    I’ve heard of others with autism being guided very well, some even becoming very successful in careers etc and I just wondered - philosophically - how much one should try to encourage children With asd throughout development. Obviously one can’t (morally) push any human to do things that are distressing - but in trying to make everything conform to a child’s agenda and protect them from every difficulty they might encounter would seem like depriving them of skills necessary for life - this world is going to throw difficulties at children ....

    So I guess does anyone have advice for the ultimate amount of pushing vs placating/comforting a child with ASD- more geared to level 2 high intelligence children but any advice/experiences in general are welcome.

    Best wishes.

  2. Croix
    Community Champion
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    Croix avatar
    10577 posts
    23 June 2021 in reply to Here2Talk

    Dear Here2Talk~

    I had enough trouble trying to raise a kid without the added burden of ASD, and have wondered the same as you, how far to push? While htere is a very natural parental desire to protect I am sure it can be taken too far for the very reasons you gave.

    I never was able to come up with a consistent set of 'rules' as the ground kept changing. I and my partner knew as adults we has an understanding of priorities and consequences and often relied -for better or worse - on instinct. An example was if we did not take the child to the dentist for an abscessed broken tooth then trouble would escalate over time .

    Trying to get this concept across to a young person was not easy, but due to a very capable and comforting dentist it worked out. It could so easily gone the other way with the degree of distress felt by the young person getting us to call the whole thing off - at least for a while.

    I'd not presume to advise you on your situation, but might mention two thing. I apologize if I'm telling you what you have already done or know.

    Others will have faced the same experiences, and these can be the basis of support groups. If you have not already done so I'd suggest finding if one exists near you. Our 24/7 Help Line (1300 22 4636) may have a listing for your area or have other suggestions.

    The second is to see what is available here on the Forum, not quite as straightforward and it will take time.

    Using the Google Search engine type in:

    autism beyondblue forum


    ASD beyondblue forum

    You will get a lot of hits and may well find material that helps as you read though the resultant posts and threads.

    I hope this has been of some use


  3. romantic_thi3f
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
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    romantic_thi3f avatar
    3116 posts
    19 July 2021 in reply to Here2Talk

    Hi Here2Talk,

    I hope you have been doing ok. I had saved your post thinking about what I might be able to offer in terms of support. I was also hoping more parents would jump in but that's alright- I wonder if it might be worth reaching out to organisations to see what advice and guidance they can provide? I'm from SA and they have family support groups here and I think it could be really helpful to connect with other parents going through the same thing.

    For me personally, I think it's about choosing your battles and weighing up what you feel is right. Your kid may have not needed a band-aid, but grabbing a band-aid provided comfort and support, and in the long-run doesn't impact too much. With other situations and the pushing and nudging, I think it could be useful to think about the things that your kid is interested in. Everyone is more likely to get out of their comfort zone when we are motivated to do so.

    One other thing that could be helpful is a child psychologist. I'm suggesting this because it can be really helpful to get some extra insight into behaviour and development, particularly if you ever find that your child is struggling with something in particular or you feel 'stuck'. This might be helping to understand, or seeing the benchmarks, or even the support to set some goals and find that sweet spot between nudging and pushing. I hope that you don't see this as any reflection on your ability to be a parent. I already think you're nailing it, especially in the way that you reflect on all of the decisions you're making and supporting your child grow.


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