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Forums / Relationship and family issues / They just wont understand, why?

Topic: They just wont understand, why?

  1. Jstar49
    Jstar49 avatar
    824 posts
    3 January 2021 in reply to Sleepy21

    Hi Sleepy,

    Wow I've had a lot of catching up to do! Been away for a few days, always good to get home to my own bed and own routine.

    Leonard Cohen, Nick Cave and the King of melancholy - Tom Waits.- oh yes! I haven't listened to Tom Waits for an age! Legend ! And only Nick Cave could get Kylie to be cool- sorry anyone who's a Kylie fan! And Still love Leonard Cohen!

    Been listening to a lot of blues and roots/bluegrass, in recent times. My 2020 soundtrack courtesy of spotify is an eclectic mix- my d's faves such as Meghan Trainer and Taylor Swift, alongside Teskey Bros, Claude Debussey and Vance Joy... I like to change it up pretty regularly. Always looking for a new sound I enjoy!

    I'm kinda with you on the narc issue- it does seem like every second person is a narcissist, and I had been ignoring the whole discussion until recently. Funny cos was listening to some Greek legend stories on an audio book on our drive- my kids right into ancient Greece/Rome- and the story of Narcissus struck me anew. The lack of regard for anyone else, measuring potential partners against some perfect ideal- the story of Narcissus and Echo- always finding them lacking until his legendary falling-in-love with his own reflection. The coldness of his personality struck me, Narcissus was definitely not empathetic!

    Someone told me once that narcissism could be considered on a trajectory- as in, many ppl have those qualities, or can exhibit them at some point in time or in some relationships. I guess it's about looking at a persons relationships and evaluating how capable someone is of love and empathy. Maybe there's limited ability to love, and that can fool us for awhile? Maybe sometimes ppl in a narc r/ship will reflect back enough 'glow' for awhile to keep the other person happy...? But I guess the true test of any person is how much they are willing to empathise and support when there is nothing in it for them. Narc or not, that's what I will be watching in my r/ships from now on!

    Of course there is also the other relationships in life, the parents of my kids friend, the elderly neighbours who use their guilt trip tactics to get stuff done, my aging parents, the sports mums and dads. But I don't have to let them in I guess. My lesson of the new year!

    J*

    1 person found this helpful
  2. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2755 posts
    3 January 2021 in reply to Sleepy21

    Hey sleepy. l'd never even met a counselor in my life until after my divorce. But l always knew what the drill would be with many and you are spot on. lt is funny when they bring one of their own stories into it isn't it but yeah there's often a reason. One told me about his divorce yrs ago and his new life and family now , tell ya , that lifted out of a very ugly place and l still remember it and take from it now.

    ps , l really hate listening to dating history from anyone l shut it down , but that would've been funny coming from a councilor .

    2 people found this helpful
  3. Sleepy21
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Sleepy21 avatar
    4153 posts
    5 January 2021 in reply to randomx

    ps i never thought of it but ur right dating histories are boring lol

    i can't tell them myself there's so little to tell... obviously if you are not with the person anymore it didn't work out.... so that's kind of where it ends? And all the drama in between fades over time.

    I saw lots of therapits in my 20s to try and get on the righ direction - only one I truly liked, she was a social worker by profession but worked as a counsellor. i didn't know she was a social worker til years later ust assumed she was a psychologist as she did all they do and more. She incorporated some cool stuff like art therapy and was a creative soul.

    Did the therapy help with ur divorce? No worries if you dont want to answer.

    It is hard to form a bond with a therapist for me, after traumatic events. I was so relieved I had that one I loved.

    She lives in another country lol and I"m navigating between so many average therapists. So much average in that field.(not to discourage help-seeking - it is just hard to find the right one)

    2 people found this helpful

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