I had somewhat of a breakthrough today Pat.
Unfortunately this morning I had the beginnings of an anxiety attack & for the first time had serious suicidal thoughts. & not sure if this is normal, but I wanted for the both of us to do it together, we're both just so unhappy. I though maybe it would just be easier on both of us.
So I started to tell him how I was feeling about being overwhelmed & anxious about my worry for him & his unhappiness & drug use. I asked him if he wanted to die with me and his mouth dropped, he said what was I talking about & to not be so stupid. I broke down & I told him why I was feeling like this, being that I won't be happy until he is & I don't know what to do.
I feel my reaction & worry for him is obviously not normal & I am going to see a Dr to get a mental health plan & I asked if he would come with me to which he said yes.
Then the breakthrough. I asked him what is it that's making him so unhappy & he said he doesn't even know, so I asked if he would maybe talk to someone with me too and he said maybe. I then gently brought up the drug use saying that I really don't want it to continue and he said he takes it because he so tired all the time. I knew he was tired from work, but then he said that he thinks it's also because if his nose. He has suffered for years with congestion issues that mean he can stop breathing sometimes during the night, he had a big episode a while back where he woke up gasping for air thinking he was dying. He said now hes scared of sleeping on his back as he's scared he'll die, but sleeping on his stomach hurts his back & neck, so he tosses & turns all night.
So..... Sorry for the saga....Im going to book in for me to see a therapist & ask him to come along so we can encourage him to open up & have also booked appointment with an ENT to have his nose looked at.
Hoping that these baby steps might get us on the right track. I feel 10 times better being able to get something out of him.
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