As a 64yo heterosexual male I might not seem an ideal responder but I’ll try.
Ive had 4 long term relationships.
- In my 20’s, lived her greatly but she was the ultimate procrastinator. It took 6 years for me to act on it and leave
- married this one and had two kids. Chronic laziness and add narcissistic actions but still lasted 11 years- 10 years too long- no...11.
- Lasted 10 years- the step mum from hell with my kids and a closet alcoholic. Said she blamed her alcoholism on my bipolar- lovely eh
- My wife of 8 years- fabulous in every way, compatible, same interests
So I’ve listed these because in every case I’ve been in love and they me yet there was, for the first 3 one or two major issues that could not be resolved or countered or tolerated.
Min your case, using the comparison, you are imo displaying extreme love by releasing and permitting your partner to go beyond what you’d normally allow. You are giving her something that really violates your values in what you have expected. This decision you’ve made is s trade off, rather than lose her and shatter your future plans.
Im going to suggest that you think of the alternatives. How would she react if you agreed with her plans of outside relationships as then you’d be able to do the same? Would she not like you to be in another’s arms?
I cant of course tell you if you are foolish. I think what drives your support for her needs is an example of high emotional love and commitment that is in dispute with your logic.
I hope I’ve helped here, it isn’t an ideal situation for you, but remember- your values is a big part of you that if traded off for reasons of harmony and live, there is usually fragments of resentment that follows you like a shadow.
What do you think?