Hi Jo & Lillylane hope you are both well.
This week has been very challenging again as I have had to deal with toxic insensitive comments from my mother.
After she offered to support me I have been keeping in close contact with her to offer my support to help her understand my journey.
I went and saw her last Saturday afternoon and things were going well and then out of the blue she started to criticise things that my old self had done 20 years ago and accuse my not supporting my sister.
She also kept going on about did I understand the consequences of what I doing I tried to explain that I had no choice as we had discussed what the alternative was to me coming out.
I remained calm and in controlled but I was so upset I had to cut short my visit.
This stayed with all night and into the next morning as I didn't understand where it was coming from.
I later realized that my sisters had been talking with her as the narrative went from her to we when discussing anything I was doing.
By the time my wife got up in the mooring I was a total emotional wreck again I was so upset and hurt as I didn't understand why people felt the need to hurt me.
I struggled all of Sunday to try and function as I was in so much pain fortunately my wife understood and was trying to support and console me.
So I decided to go back one more more time to see my mother on Monday after work.
I desperately need to sort this out once and for all and establish boundaries about what we could and couldn't discuss. All I want to do was to support her but it turned to an attack session.
We discussed what had happened on Saturday and she sat there and denied that she said any of the things I brought up.
We eventually got through it but I made it clear that there wasn't to be a repeat of what happened on Saturday again or I would walk away from her and the family as I couldn't carry everyone else's emotional baggage as well as what I dealing with.
She was upset with my declaration but I needed to make my position clear that her actions and my sisters had consequences for the future.
For the time being I am choosing not to keep in contact with my sisters and leave up to them to reconnect as I have reached on numerous occasions but been rejected.
I am sorry that sounds very bad it's where I am at so I am still supporting my mother and keeping in contact with her.
I hope my next post is more positive than this one.
Love and hugs to both of you.