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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / Depressed and scared to tell anyone

Topic: Depressed and scared to tell anyone

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. Tyler96
    Tyler96 avatar
    2 posts
    12 February 2018
    So I'm 21 and as far back as grade 6 I knew I was gay, that was something I knew back then I had to hide and it made me distance myself from all my friends and my family. I was always alone throughout school thinking what if my friends found out i was gay and didn't accept it, then they would hate me anyway, so why bother being friends at all. That thinking left me so lonely and sad that I cry almost everyday. I finally got up the courage to tell my family I was gay and they were accepting of it to my surprise, I thought that now it was out in the open I wouldn't be so depressed anymore. Within a week of coming out I was back to feeling tired, sad and empty all the time. Now I'm 21 and have no friends, no job, a family I barely talk to (even though i still live with them), and I don't know how to talk to anyone about the way I'm feeling. I can't afford help for myself and even if i could i don't think i could physically get the words out. I'm still crying myself to sleep, barely eating and never leaving the house. I'm scared this is going to ruin my life, but I just don't know what to do.
    2 people found this helpful
  2. marcus_c
    marcus_c avatar
    92 posts
    12 February 2018 in reply to Tyler96
    Hi Tyler, it sounds like coming out hasn't solved your underlying problem, which is that you are isolated from the world and everyone in it. You've been building up defences for years because you were afraid of how people would react if they knew you were gay, this is a really common thing to do. It has stopped you from making friends with people. The good news is, you're over the first big hurdle. You've come out, and your family have been great about it. There's no need for you to distance yourself from people anymore. It will take you a while to start rebuilding those connections, but once you do, you'll find that things start to get better. What are some things that you like doing that could bring you back into contact with people? What sort of work are you interested in?
    2 people found this helpful
  3. Tyler96
    Tyler96 avatar
    2 posts
    12 February 2018 in reply to marcus_c
    The thing is that I haven't liked doing anything for years now. I even dropped out of school at grade 11 because It started to make me feel physically sick whenever I went. Everything I used to do that made me happy or laugh now just leaves me feeling nothing when I try do do them again.
  4. marcus_c
    marcus_c avatar
    92 posts
    12 February 2018 in reply to Tyler96
    Hi Tyler, depression is really tough man. It sucks away all your motivation to do things. Sometimes you have to kick start the engine a few times before it starts to work properly again. If you've been away from people contact for a couple of years, it's going to take a while to find your way back, it's like when you break a leg and you lose all your strength because you've had to sit on the couch for several months. The trick is to start really small. For example, what's one thing you could do today that would get you out of the house for a bit and connecting with people, even if it's just for a few minutes?
    3 people found this helpful
  5. Michael2
    Michael2 avatar
    5 posts
    18 February 2018 in reply to Tyler96
    Hi Tyler, just thought I’d post to say take it easy on yourself. I went through a patch recently where I thought I was gay, and found the people I told were understanding and supportive regardless - I know the people I didn’t tell it didn’t really matter. Whatever path it is that your drawn to is the one that will fuel your life not ruin it! Provided you take care of course... you gotta follow your heart in the end and that’s all that matters.

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