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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / Finding gay friends

Topic: Finding gay friends

13 posts, 0 answered
  1. Niceguy020295
    Niceguy020295 avatar
    5 posts
    10 January 2019
    Hi, this is my first attempt to say that I am gay. I think nobody knows i am gay. The culture I come from doesn't allow to be gay. So until now I wasn't daring to find gay friends or partner. But now I am feeling like I will die living false life & will regret forever if I don't act now. I am trying to find someone around me who is gay as well. But no success yet.
    How I can find reliable & trustworthy gay friends. I am scared to search online as I have heard not many good things.
    Can anyone suggest me a way to find friends? Or are there safe sites for this? Any suggestions are welcome.
    Thanks
    2 people found this helpful
  2. Doolhof
    Champion Alumni
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    Doolhof avatar
    8752 posts
    10 January 2019 in reply to Niceguy020295

    Hi Niceguy,

    Welcome to the community here. I don't have much of an answer for you as I am not sure how you go about finding gay friends. It may well depend on where yo live as well.

    I would like to suggest you have a read of some of the other threads in this section, as I am sure people have made suggestions of places where you can reach out to be heard and where you can meet people safely.

    Sorry I am not much help to you! Hopefully others will join in with the chat here and offer some suggestions to you.

    People may know of organisations you can reach out to.

    Regards from Dools

    1 person found this helpful
  3. MsPurple
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    MsPurple avatar
    1621 posts
    10 January 2019 in reply to Niceguy020295

    HI Niceguy and welcome to the forums

    I myself am a 27 year old bisexual. I struggled with like both genders for ages. I felt like people wouldn't accept me. I also struggled to accept myself. I wanted to just be straight. But if I couldn't accept myself I couldn't learn to love myself.

    I was at a youth mental health service called headspace. I discussed my sexual confusion with my therapist there. He gave me some suggestions for resources and how to meet people in the community

    -twenty 10. They have a centre in Sydney and i think you can talk to them online https://www.twenty10.org.au/

    - the trevor project. Yes it is over seas but they have some good resources https://www.thetrevorproject.org/

    -Qlife you can talk to them online and they are great https://qlife.org.au/

    Sorry not sure if this is what you wanted to talk about. I am still not too sure about the community completely. I have started talking about love and others have been open to me. I have found out more people are gay/bi/lesbian than I knew. We have a great space on the forums here also the rainbow cafe has a lot of open members in the LGBT community

    2 people found this helpful
  4. Niceguy020295
    Niceguy020295 avatar
    5 posts
    10 January 2019 in reply to Doolhof

    Thanks for the reply.

    I live 100kms South East Melbourne. I couldn't see any gay community here. At least not that I am aware of.

  5. Niceguy020295
    Niceguy020295 avatar
    5 posts
    10 January 2019 in reply to MsPurple

    Thanks for the reply.

    I will check how these organisations can help me.

    I am looking for friends in my area or around me who I can reach easily to talk more about and making friends & get help to eventually find partner.

    1 person found this helpful
  6. marcus_c
    marcus_c avatar
    92 posts
    10 January 2019 in reply to Niceguy020295

    Hi Niceguy, it is a bit of a bummer when you’re not living close to the city, that can make it harder to meet other gay people.

    Using apps can have mixed results, but if you go in there with your eyes open, fill out your profile honestly, and don’t take rejection or non-replies personally, then it can be a good way of putting your toe in the water. Because the apps are location-based, it is the quickest way to find people who are near to you. Happy to talk more about how to get the best out of using apps, there are nice people out there to be found.

    I’ve found the greatest success in making friends to be around shared interests, rather than sexuality. That said, you can find gay interest groups that meet outside of the traditional venues like bars and clubs. If you’re into sport at all, I’d recommend taking a look at Team Melbourne teammelbourne.org.au . A helpline like Qlife might be able to tell you if there are groups for guys who are newly out, there used to be things like that but it’s been quite a few years since I came out so things may have changed :) .

    Rest assured, you won’t be alone in being on this journey.


    1 person found this helpful
  7. Doolhof
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Doolhof avatar
    8752 posts
    10 January 2019 in reply to Niceguy020295

    Hi Niceguy,

    Just for a little reassurance, I grew up in a small town of about 150 people and there was a gay couple living and working in the community. They were welcomed and accepted like anyone else.

    After decades of living in the city, we have moved to another small town and there is a gay couple living here.

    Having grown up in a family and a community that does not accept same sex relationships, I am wondering if you have or if you will in the near future share your feelings with your family?

    Having a look on-line to see what is available may help you see there are possibilities.

    It is great others have joined in the chat here with more useful suggestions.

    Cheers to you from Dools

    1 person found this helpful
  8. Niceguy020295
    Niceguy020295 avatar
    5 posts
    12 January 2019 in reply to marcus_c

    Hi, Since you mentioned you had good experience using apps, which one would you recommend? There are several & not all are easy to use.

    Any help is appreciated.

    Thanks

  9. marcus_c
    marcus_c avatar
    92 posts
    13 January 2019 in reply to Niceguy020295
    Hi Niceguy020295, I would suggest looking at Scruff or Tinder. You'll still get guys using it for casual hookups or dates, but there is much more of a mix of types on there.
    1 person found this helpful
  10. Niceguy020295
    Niceguy020295 avatar
    5 posts
    14 January 2019 in reply to marcus_c
    Thank you so much!
  11. Keypi
    Keypi avatar
    109 posts
    17 February 2019 in reply to marcus_c
    can you really use tinder to find gay friends I want to find a gay friend too but I thought that tinder is only for hook ups or wanting a partner?
  12. marcus_c
    marcus_c avatar
    92 posts
    17 February 2019 in reply to Keypi
    Hi Keypi, it is what you make of it. You may meet people for dates that you're not interested in romantically (or vice versa) but get on really well with as mates. If you keep an open mind, are honest in your communication, and accept that it takes many misses to get a hit then it's a good option and opens you up to a wider range of people than you'll find in bars and clubs.
  13. Keypi
    Keypi avatar
    109 posts
    18 February 2019 in reply to marcus_c
    Thanks Marcus_c, thats good advice I'm not really that good with technology and don't really use social media so don't really know much about these things. I have to check it out and see what comes of it. :)

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