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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / I'm Straight But I scared that I'm slowly turning bi

Topic: I'm Straight But I scared that I'm slowly turning bi

12 posts, 0 answered
  1. R.E.M.H.F
    R.E.M.H.F avatar
    3 posts
    2 July 2018

    I have always liked boys and still do, but I'm getting random unwanted thoughts about my sexuality. For example one day I was talking to my best friend (girl) and thought "what if I kissed her right now". The thought was so scary I had never thought anything like this before it was 'disgusting' to me. As I thought about it more the idea became less 'disgusting' but still not something I was interested in. As the week went on a began to think that this meant something. Was I Bi? I cried over this for days and nights I started obsessing over it, I kept forcing myself to make this thought to happen so that I knew things hadn't changed. But every time I Had the thought the idea became more tolerable.

    I'm now so scared that this means I am turning bi. I thought about why it sounds so bad to me and I have decided that it is because being bi wouldn't be me! I thought that was a good enough reason but these random thoughts are not stopping. I just want to go back to when I was obsessing over boys without question that I'm lying to myself. I really miss those feelings.

    1 person found this helpful
  2. monkey_magic
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    3934 posts
    2 July 2018 in reply to R.E.M.H.F

    Hi R.E.M.H.F,

    I think you're being a little too hard on yourself hun. Your thoughts really are OK.

    I'm a straight female- mid 30's and I've had similar thoughts. I even had a bisexual dream. Have kissed girls playing spin the bottle but I'm still attracted to men and am straight. Lots and lots of woman have these thoughts and many explore them and usually end up in a relationship with a male.

    You are normal OK...and if u wanted to explore being with a girl that's OK too...

    Curiosity is common, I feel, even when it comes to sexuality. U r in no way on your own with these feelings.

    2 people found this helpful
  3. startingnew
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    startingnew avatar
    5857 posts
    2 July 2018 in reply to R.E.M.H.F

    Hello and welcome

    i just wanted to tag here. Im at my dra atm and wanted to give a proper reaponse. Will be back later

  4. CJames
    CJames avatar
    80 posts
    2 July 2018 in reply to R.E.M.H.F

    Hey R.E.M.H.F,

    Welcome to the forums, it's great you've come here to seek some support during this confusing time. It's excellent you've taken the courage to speak about your issue, that's what I'll commend you for firstly. :)

    It's great to see another member of the LGBTI community.

    Regarding your sexuality, it's tremendous you have discovered yourself and your feelings for the same gender. Random unwanted thoughts though unwanted are pretty healthy, I myself being gay wonder "What happens if I kissed that girl?" "Would I enjoy it?" then, to be honest, I think "Am I still gay?". I've had a good five/six years knowing I was gay, but I still question it all the time, there's entirely nothing wrong with it.

    As monkey_magic said, you're normal; you're another beautiful human being as good as everyone else. Even if you're comfortable with it, nothing is stopping you exploring your sexuality with women, not saying it has to be with your best friend (I'll touch on that one a little later in the post) but there's absolutely nothing wrong exploring yourself with women. You might even enjoy it :) but you have to be comfortable with it, it's something that shouldn't be forced.

    RE: "I cried over this for days and nights I started obsessing over it." There's nothing to worry about mate <3. I know it's easy for me to say that, but think about it as you have done, there's entirely nothing wrong with the idea. Think of it as opening a range of new pathways and experiences.
    If these thoughts are getting to you too much, I suggest some techniques to calm down such as writing about your feelings, speaking to your best friend even about what you have experienced (there's nothing better than talking to someone, it'll feel so good after, it'll also do wonders for your mental health, it also doesn't even have to be your friend), or just doing one of your favourite hobbies.
    The thought of kissing your best friend is entirely rational, it shows the trueness of your relationship as friends. It's really up to both of you if you decide to continue something, but don't be afraid to take the leap if you're entirely comfortable.
    You may need to prepare yourself for the idea of being a bisexual male, I mean who doesn't love the idea of obsessing over boys right? :) But it may indeed not be you.

    Look I hope you can keep us in the loop of what's going on, I hope my reply helped, I can tell it's all over the place and for that, I apologise.

    Best of luck,

    Connor <3 :)

    1 person found this helpful
  5. monkey_magic
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    3934 posts
    2 July 2018 in reply to R.E.M.H.F

    Now I'm confused.....

    don't know if R.E.M.H.F is male( gay) or female straight...I was assuming female straight...can u clarify plz...so we know who we are talking too..

    All good...

    See you are normal!!!

    Some great insights and suggestions :-)

  6. monkey_magic
    Valued Contributor
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    3934 posts
    2 July 2018 in reply to R.E.M.H.F
    Oh, my bad just read the thread title- sorry bout the misunderstanding.
  7. CJames
    CJames avatar
    80 posts
    2 July 2018 in reply to monkey_magic

    Hi all,

    I think I made the mistake, I apologise for anything misleading.

    Connor <3

    1 person found this helpful
  8. R.E.M.H.F
    R.E.M.H.F avatar
    3 posts
    2 July 2018 in reply to monkey_magic

    I currently classify myself as a straight Female ,

    Sorry I should have made that more clear

  9. R.E.M.H.F
    R.E.M.H.F avatar
    3 posts
    2 July 2018 in reply to CJames
    Hello, I'm sorry I probably Didn't make this clear I am a female and I currently classify as straight I am just confused what these feelings mean.
  10. startingnew
    Valued Contributor
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    startingnew avatar
    5857 posts
    2 July 2018 in reply to R.E.M.H.F

    Hi again REMHF

    exploring and questioning your sexuality is normal it doesnt matter how old you are, alot of people question it a few times in their life. i am one of those people, i was pretty set on guys (i am a female) however in the more recent years ive had feelings similar to you. i honestly dont think people need labels, you are who you are but if labels make you more comfortable thats ok too.

    Theres a site called QLife, they have counsellors (those who are lbgti themselves) and you can talk to them about this too, its nothing to be emabrrassed about. they also heave quite a lot of information on the site too you might find helpful.

    another thing to consider is perhaps your attracted to them more physically, meaning what they look like, or perhaps emotionally meaning is it their peronsality that draws you in or is more sexually meaning, is the idea of having sex with someone of the same gender more appealling. or perhaps its varied, none of which is shameful, just something to think about :)

    you say your scared that you might be Bi? is there a reason your scared? is it maybe its not the norm for you and those around you... judgement.... not sure how to go about these feelings....??

  11. Birdy77
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    Birdy77 avatar
    2299 posts
    2 July 2018 in reply to R.E.M.H.F

    Hello REMHF and all 😊,

    You have had some good advice here.

    I just would like to encourage you to not be too hard on yourself about labels .. just explore your feelings and see what happens?

    You say you wish the time would return where you were just obsessing over boys ... it could well return, and that will be fine ... but it also may not. And if it doesn't, that's going to be absolutely fine as well. I can understand the feelings you're having, and I can assure you even if it turns out you identify as bi, or straight or lesbian, things will be ok, even if there are hassles along the way.

    There are loads of awesome people here and offline who will help to support you no matter where you feel you're at ...

    strength and peace to you,

    🌻birdy

    1 person found this helpful
  12. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
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    Sophie_M avatar
    5926 posts
    2 July 2018 in reply to R.E.M.H.F
    Hi Everyone,

    We're posting to let you know that we are aware of the confusion that occurred in this conversation. We're glad to see that it came to a resolution, and that we're all getting back to helping R.E.M.H.F. Some great advice appears to have been shared.

    So, rather than remove or edit posts in this thread, we're hoping that this thread can provide a great example for everyone about assuming a persons gender when it isn't explicitly stated, and how to clear up confusions without conflict.  
    5 people found this helpful

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