I was not only touched your message but also, quite releaved to know I am not the only one. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing such an experience with us. It takes courage and it something I don't even have the guts to admit myself.
I'm 43, and in the same predicament as you...to the letter. As a result I battle depression and anxiety. Loneliness can be quite a sick feeling to experience indeed. You know the saying...one can still be lonely in a crowd? That's me too.
Grints40, I feel your pain as I walk through it too. I find it hard to make friends and can be quite anxious at gatherings where I know not many. For me, seeking counselling helps me get through. Do you have a good counsellor? I found it smoothed the edges and made it bareable. Also, if it is starting to affect your outlook on life, as it did me, seeing a GP about it with perhaps a mild antidepressant might help. It helped me. Although I still feel like you do. But it helps me to cope.
I'm not on the gay scene and I don't like night clubs so finding gay friends for me is difficult too. You are lucky you have a dog. You keep on loving him/her to bits ok? When I had a dog, it helped me too. I now live on acerage and have a little hobby keeping chooks. I love the chooks keeps me busy.
Now Grints40, I want you to promise me one thing. That whenever you feel low and question life, please remember...you have a friend who is going through similar things. Me. Please reach out. I don't think you realise how helpful and supportive your post was to me. I thought it was just me. I feel better knowing someone else is going through similar, and that perhaps we can help each other.
A big hug to you Grints40...im thinking of you.