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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / I don't know what's wrong with me

Topic: I don't know what's wrong with me

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. el-d
    el-d avatar
    2 posts
    26 October 2020

    Ok, so I know I'm a lesbian.

    I keep dropping small hints to my friends so when I do eventually come out (maybe in a year or two) it won't be a big shock. (I'm kind of hoping for that "we already knew" response).

    Anyway, anytime I try to mention something about the LGBTQIAP+ community I uncontrollably shake. Today it was the worst. We were in health and the teacher was talking about the LGBTQIAP+ community and I couldn't stop shaking. I don't think anyone noticed (I was trying my hardest to stop but I couldn't). I was also sitting down, but I kept shaking while I left the classroom, went to my locker and went out for a break. It didn't stop until I went to my next class (so it lasted for about 45-60 minutes).

    I came out to my mum at the start of the year (it was kind of like forced out in a way, she asked me stuff because she could see that I was upset and stuff) and she said that I was "too young to know" and that "I shouldn't worry about it" then about a month or two later she told me "you know I wouldn't love you any less, I would prefer you weren't gay but if you are I will still love you." I wasn't really ready to tell anyone, it was humiliating.

    Anyway, has this happened to anyone else? I googled it and all it came up with was this study on Homosexuality Anxiety (HOCD) and I definitely know that isn't it.

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Birdy77
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    Birdy77 avatar
    2299 posts
    26 October 2020 in reply to el-d
    Hello el-d,

    I think I've had similar reactions to you, when i was at school ... i remember feeling really self-conscious and kind of hot and panicky when the subject came up.

    Maybe it's a reaction because we're (sort of) hiding an important part of ourselves and when others bring it up and talk about it, it touches a raw nerve or something?

    I don't totally know.

    But i do know that it is entirely up to you when you decide to reveal this part of yourself, and there is no externally-set "right time". And however long that takes to feel ok, and SAFE for you, does not mean you are diminishing yourself .... it's a precious and personal journey ❤

    It sucks that you felt your coming out to your Mum was forced and not ideal ...

    I don't know if it would be helpful for you or not, but there's a support resource called QLife ( ... you can webchat, call, etc, lots of different supports for people of all ages and identities ... check it out if you feel like it.

    But i guess i just wanted to let you know you're ok ... you're not alone ...

    I am listening and othere here are too, if you feel like talking more.

    I hope you feel ok after your kinda stressful day, and i hope you've been able to do something nice to feel better tonight.

    1 person found this helpful
  3. randomspace
    randomspace avatar
    13 posts
    2 November 2020 in reply to el-d

    Hi, coming out is difficult
    Your shaking could be because you want to come out and tell others but you are to afraid too. I started shaking whenever I wanted to tell my friends as well, not so much when it was discussed, but I happens. Eventually they just asked I I just went, yes I’m this this and this. And turns out, they are too. ALL of them somehow! :) I’m not saying that this will happen to you exactly, but coming out could partially stop your shaking.

    If you are anxious during when LGBTQ+ is being discussed it could just be your mind panicking and wanting to say something but it’s being held back. Your not by your self in this

    I hope you feel better about this difficult situation

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