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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / im bi and the guy i like is ashamed of himself

Topic: im bi and the guy i like is ashamed of himself

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. lewiss
    lewiss avatar
    2 posts
    5 June 2018

    hi my names Lewis and im bisexual

    i met a guy online we spoke for about 2 months and i started to develop feelings for him despite the fact that i had never met him in person, he was having a party and i was driving around with my friend and he told me to come over so we could finally meet after meeting him i new that i wanted to hangout with him again we organised for our group to all go ice skating but we both wanted some alone time without us saying it. so three days later he picked me up from school and we hung out all afternoon just driving around i know it doesn't sound like fun but somehow with him i was having a blast he dropped me home that night and we were just chatting online and said we were keen for Friday night and he offed if i wanted to stay after and i said yes

    comes to the next day and we decided to hangout again so he picked me up again and we went to the shops for late night shopping, neither of us needed anything we just wanted to see each other, after a couple of hours it was time to go home so he drove me home that night over snap chat i told the boy i had strong feelings for him, he said that he felt the same way however he was scared as hes never felt this way before we both agreed that we wanted to keep things on the down low and take things slow as this was the first time either of us had felt this way for a boy.

    over the weekend i stayed at his house twice both the Friday and Saturday night we didn't do much as we said we would take it slow, just cuddled and kissed, the next morning on the Sunday was my birthday so he drove me home rather early so i could spend it with my family

    he then got really freaked out and started pushing me away and told himself he was "straight" we then argued and were friend on and off for 2 months until recently he messaged me again saying that he was into both but when he thinks about it makes him want to self harm but he has strong feelings for me and he cant denie them we then hangout just the 2 of us again and talked about what we were gonna be he said hes not ready for people to know so we both said lets just hangout a lot more and see what happens less then a week later he tolled me he had feelings for a girl and he just wants to be friends

    im really confused by the entire situation and don't know what i should do, i care about him a lot he makes me so happy but then is destroying me at the same time someone please help me.

  2. CJames
    CJames avatar
    80 posts
    5 June 2018 in reply to lewiss

    Hey Lewis,

    Welcome to the forums, it's an excellent place for you to express yourself, judge free and anonymously. It's great to see you've reached out for some support during this time.

    The feeling of love indeed is a strange thing, and sometimes it can be super complicated. I get a really warm feeling reading how great you were going, especially ice skating, which sounded so romantic :P. Just that presence of someone being there, to hug, to kiss, to support, can seriously improve your mental health, it's such a good feeling, and I can understand you wanting to spend more time together.

    How were you feeling when you told him you had feelings for him? I bet nervous right, unsure of the future. These feelings are entirely natural. It's great to see you gained the courage to do so. Secondly, I understand entirely keeping it on the dlow, I too can't bear the idea of coming out as gay, it's such a scary thought, and I don't think I'm ready.

    Happy Birthday btw :), May I ask how old you turned?

    It was going so well Lewis, and I'm sincerely sorry about him pushing you away, it's tough when you lose someone you love though remember it get's better. Now you have a few options, completely up to you (I don't want you to feel encouraged to do something you don't want to.)

    • Remain, friends; this can be a great way to get to know each other while continuing to hangout non-romantically. You have mentioned this already, but it can be terrific for the both of you with still a chance of something happening later down the track.
    • Talk about both of your feelings for each other, weigh up the positives vs the negatives. Will it be worth perusing him with your interest? This is the question you must ask yourself.
    • Discuss whether it's time for you to both go separate ways, I personally don't like this, and I don't like the idea of just leaving a friendship, I think this friendship/relationship is mendable. But once again the choice is up to you.

    You mentioned that your friend has thoughts of self harm sometimes

    • Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636 or via live chat, alternatively
    • Lifeline Australia on 13 11 14 or
    • Eheadspace an excellent place for youth to get advice on what to do next in times of crisis.

    But finally, make sure you let him know you're there to support him through tough times.

    I really wish you the best Lewis, keep on moving forward, no looking back.

    Alternatively, keep us updated, best of luck mate. I hope it works out.

    Much Love <3


  3. lewiss
    lewiss avatar
    2 posts
    6 June 2018 in reply to CJames
    hey connor thank you so much on the reply i think for the time being we are just going to remain friends and hang out and see were things go

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