Welcome to the forums, it's an excellent place for you to express yourself, judge free and anonymously. It's great to see you've reached out for some support during this time.
The feeling of love indeed is a strange thing, and sometimes it can be super complicated. I get a really warm feeling reading how great you were going, especially ice skating, which sounded so romantic :P. Just that presence of someone being there, to hug, to kiss, to support, can seriously improve your mental health, it's such a good feeling, and I can understand you wanting to spend more time together.
How were you feeling when you told him you had feelings for him? I bet nervous right, unsure of the future. These feelings are entirely natural. It's great to see you gained the courage to do so. Secondly, I understand entirely keeping it on the dlow, I too can't bear the idea of coming out as gay, it's such a scary thought, and I don't think I'm ready.
Happy Birthday btw :), May I ask how old you turned?
It was going so well Lewis, and I'm sincerely sorry about him pushing you away, it's tough when you lose someone you love though remember it get's better. Now you have a few options, completely up to you (I don't want you to feel encouraged to do something you don't want to.)
- Remain, friends; this can be a great way to get to know each other while continuing to hangout non-romantically. You have mentioned this already, but it can be terrific for the both of you with still a chance of something happening later down the track.
- Talk about both of your feelings for each other, weigh up the positives vs the negatives. Will it be worth perusing him with your interest? This is the question you must ask yourself.
- Discuss whether it's time for you to both go separate ways, I personally don't like this, and I don't like the idea of just leaving a friendship, I think this friendship/relationship is mendable. But once again the choice is up to you.
You mentioned that your friend has thoughts of self harm sometimes
- Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636 or via live chat, alternatively
- Lifeline Australia on 13 11 14 or
- Eheadspace an excellent place for youth to get advice on what to do next in times of crisis.
But finally, make sure you let him know you're there to support him through tough times.
I really wish you the best Lewis, keep on moving forward, no looking back.
Alternatively, keep us updated, best of luck mate. I hope it works out.
Much Love <3