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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / Maybe we are too different.

Topic: Maybe we are too different.

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. BS
    BS avatar
    5 posts
    8 July 2018

    I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (I am gay) for just over 6 years. When we first got together we were both very honest about what we wanted out of life and we seemed to want the same thing. We wanted to get married one day and own a house but we also both wanted to travel and have a thousand and one adventures before doing anything too series.

    Recently we have moved from a different state. We have both left our family's and friends and we had been working towards this move for about 3 years. I love it were we have moved. I am a little lonely but we have only been here for a few months. But she isn't enjoying it and she wants to move back from where we came. She misses her family and friends too much and she doesnt like being away from them. Which is fine and totally understandable but I do think it means we might want different things. I have always wanted to travel and see the world and have never wanted to live were I grew up. I am ready to start my life in that aspect but I feel like she wants to take a step in a different direction. She has proposed to me which of course I said yes. But she wants to buy the house and everything and I don't want to do that yet. I am not in any rush.

    We are also disconnected in other areas of our life. We are arguing a little more and our sex life is not working because every time we try it just doesnt work. I am not a very confident person and the more we don't connect on that level the more anxious and worried I feel. We just are not connecting and fitting in each others lives like we used to.

    I know we both still love each other. There is no one else. We have both been very honest about how we are feeling and whats going on. I am just so scared we are going to break up. I love her so much. We have made so many plans together we have been through so much together good and bad and I feel like I am watching from the outside as my relationship falls apart but I cant fix it. I don't know if maybe this is just a hump in our relationship, maybe it will pass. But I just don't know. I feel like we have tried and we are keep trying, we have tried going o regular dates, tried being sexual and romantic but something is working. Maybe we are putting to much stress on ourselves? Maybe we are destined to break up.

    Has anyone been through this? Did you get through it? Any advice? I am feeling alone because we did just move here. So we do just have each other. I just want to try everything before it might end.

  2. quirkywords
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    quirkywords avatar
    11890 posts
    9 July 2018 in reply to BS


    I can feel the love you have for your girlfriend but also your confusion.

    Welcome to the forum. This is a friendly ,caring and supportive community.

    Relationships are difficult at times but you seem determined to make the relationship work and I am sure your girlfriend is as well.

    It may be hard when you move to a different state and find like your girlfriend does, that you really don't want to be there.

    You have listed some of your differences and I know you both love each other.

    I am wondering what are the values, beliefs and characteristics that you love about each other.

    People who are different have relationships.

    How would you like your relationship to change?

    Would both of you consider relationships counselling?

    I think it is great that you are willing to try everything to help the relationship.

    Thanks for sharing your story.


  3. Neferata
    Neferata avatar
    23 posts
    15 July 2018 in reply to BS

    Welcome BS,

    I know what it's like to be uprooted and I've seen many of my colleagues undergo the same process, it certainly isn't easy and one can certainly feel alienated even with the support of a loved one. Making friends in a new place is very helpful but understandably very difficult depending where you are in the world. When I moved to rural NSW I felt very isolated and miserable, but there are community events, like winter festivals, steampunk fairs, medieval fairs, air shows, book clubs and the like which bring likeminded people together.

    I would highly recommend steering yourself and your partner in that direction, make this alien place you are in more than just a residence, make it a home in a larger community.

    When I lived out west, I felt as though I was missing a purpose in life and your partner may feel something akin to this. Communicate, find out precisely what each of you need at this precise moment.

    I wish you well in your journey ahead and it's great that you have the courage to share your story.


  4. tinabay
    tinabay avatar
    2 posts
    20 July 2018 in reply to BS

    You mentioned that you are gay. Have you told your partner that you are gay from the beginning? If you didn't, maybe that could have helped the romantic/ sex part of your relationship. Expectations would not have been there from the beginning of your relationship.

    Seems like you love each other dearly. If she does want to move back, would that not be a consideration? Seems like you enjoy being where you are and your partner may be feeling isolated, lonely and depressed.

    How is your communication with her? Do you feel that the spark is no longer there? What brought you two together in the first place?

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