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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / My homophobic parents will never love me again

Topic: My homophobic parents will never love me again

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. mary54321
    mary54321 avatar
    1 posts
    10 September 2018
    I’m 18 and I’m bi (I think?) I’ve always found girls just as attractive as guys. And for the past few years have found my self wondering why I was only allowed to date guys. I mean if a person is nice and I love them - I want to be with that person - no matter their gender.
    I have told 2 friends about this and don’t plan on telling any more any time soon. My parents are very traditional and Christian and have made it very clear since I was a kid what their stance was on homosexuality. They will always comment negatively whenever it is brought up. If they found out about me - I’m scared of what the might do/ say, they will never accept me. I am torn, I love them - but because of them I feel disgusted with myself and live in fear of what other people are going to think of me. How will I ever be able to be myself and love who I want to if I am constantly going to be suffocated by my parents. I can’t escape them.
    3 people found this helpful
  2. geoff
    Life Member
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    geoff avatar
    15268 posts
    10 September 2018 in reply to mary54321

    Hello Mary, and thanks for posting your comment.

    You can't take away how you feel and nobody can change how you think about your sexuality, and whether you tell your parents or decide what you want to do, is up to you, being bisexual is an important part of who you are.

    If you believe you're bi then you could please your parents, remember everyone has someone they always want to ring, a close friend they want to bring home, and if you decide to open up then make sure you have a plan in place if your parents become angry, perhaps you could tell one parent before the other.

    If you are unsure how your parents will react, it can be a worry, but there are places where you can get help, and I'll leave that to people who know better than myself.

    There's nothing wrong in how you feel and now you're an adult you can do whatever you want to and please remember there are people who are scared of telling their parents they are going out with someone of the opposite sex.

    That happened to me and didn't tell anybody I was dating my first girlfriend for certain reasons, she became my wife for 26 years.

    You are a person and instead of arguing or fighting with them, accept their response, they should settle down and just be yourself.

    Enjoy the love you find.


    2 people found this helpful
  3. Only I know
    Only I know avatar
    214 posts
    10 September 2018 in reply to mary54321

    Hi Mary, I'm 47 and just told my wife of 20 years that I'm gay. I also told my parents who are in their 70's and I also thought were homophobic, and bigots. I love them dearly, and they love me. They displayed the bigotry last year especially, during the same sex vote/discussion.

    I was fearful of their response, and was overjoyed that their love for me was far greater than their ideas on sexuality. It has been an adjustment for them, but we will all work through it. Love does seem to conquer all.

    I really wish that I had come out when I was 18 or so, but it was the fear of rejection that held me back, and now I realise that I needn't have been.

    My family are not religious, so I didn't have that hurdle, so I don't know if that will make a difference.

    If you need someone to talk to, their is a peer based help line called QLife, google them and they are always happy to chat.

    Of course you can talk here too, there are many on here that are or have been going through similar experiences, and this is a great,safe place to discuss and get support.


    2 people found this helpful
  4. Birdy77
    Valued Contributor
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    Birdy77 avatar
    2299 posts
    10 September 2018 in reply to mary54321

    Dear Mary, (hi Geoff and Darren 😊),

    My parents sound just like yours, I was brought up in a fundamental, conservative christian way, I'm pretty sure my parents would have voted "no" last year (blurgh!!), and yet, here I am in a loving long tern relationship with my beautiful lady partner and my parents accept her as their daughter in law ... so as Darren so beautifully pointed out, you could be pleasantly surprised by their reaction (but this is not always the case of course).

    That being said ... it is your business who you date, not your parents. You don't need to disclose anything to them about anyone you date until you are ready.

    You are 18, and have many exciting years of independence ahead of you, where you are the captain of your ship, your parents no longer run the show.

    You have every right to be your own person, and live your own truth.

    You weren't born into this world to please your folks. You're here to live your life, your way. You can still do this with love and respect for your parents.

    Always happy to talk with you Mary.


    1 person found this helpful

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