I always have the deepest admiration for anyone who's trying to work themself out. It can definitely get confusing and take years of hard work. If there's little guidance and reference, the work can feel impossible.
In the process of working my self out, I've found it pays to have an open minded sense of wonder coupled with an easily triggered brilliant (bright) imagination. By the way, something else is pays to have is the ability to sense when people are shutting down your wonder and imagination. Such people are of no help at all generally, they're typically closed minded and tend to put the brakes on your quest for self understanding. You obviously wonder a lot, an indication of how open minded you are. Hope you don't mind if I trigger your imagination:
Imagine everyone holds a kind of energy. You're either attracted to or repelled by certain energies. For me, I can't stand the vibe of an alpha male or female, way too intense and uncomfortable. Give me the vibe of well balanced masculine/feminine person and I can feel the balance in everything they do and say. To be able to get a good sense of someone's energy, you may need to remove any social label from them, such as male, female, transgender, bisexual, homosexual etc etc. Sometimes the labels can get in the way, creating some bias. The feminine is a soft kind of energy - gentle, nurturing, careful (full of care), forgiving and so on. Even the female form is generally soft and a little squishy. The masculine is a firm kind of energy - strong, commanding, carefree (risk takers who climb trees as kids), take no prisoners and so on. The male form is generally less soft and resembles more of a powerhouse. All traits give us certain abilities.
Both forms and both energies are highly attractive in a variety of ways. In some cases, it's not so much a matter of who we're attracted to. It can be more about why we're attracted to these forms and energies. Do they trigger more excitement, do they offer the opportunity for us to balance our self out, do they offer the chance to delve into the world of wonder and experimentation and so on? Sexual energy is a whole other level of excitement.
So, you could ask your self the question 'What kind of energy do I currently have (is it balanced) and what kind of energy am I looking for in a partner?'. See what naturally comes to mind.
Btw, I don't believe you're thinking too much. I do believe you're wondering a lot instead. You're a wonderful person.