Hi everyone, I'm 47, single, living on my own, have lots of great friends, good family, stable job ... yet have still suffered from depression over the years. I used to blame it on being single (when I was single), but then I had an 8 year relationship and realised I still used to get depressed so there was that theory up in smoke!
What I used to find difficult was the fact that on the surface I actually had nothing to be depressed about. I've always had a great circle of friends and support, I've never had financial problems or health problems, my childhood was uneventful. Yet I'd still get these bouts of depression that would last months and months. Looking back, I think its kinda worse when there is nothing outwardly wrong because then, not only are you depressed, you also feel guilty that you are depressed! I remember seeing a psychologist once who told me I was clinically depressed and I said to her, 'how do you know?' I said, how do you know I'm just not very lazy? (this because I had no interest in doing anything). And she said to me, because that's a classic question from someone who is clinically depressed!
Anyway right now I'm fine, and have been for the last couple of years. But I still take a low dosage of anti deps every morning. I've no idea if this is what is keeping me well or not, but I'm kinda scared to get off it unless I do go back down that horrible path. And as I know there is nothing wrong with taking one pill a day (luckily I've never had any side effects), then why not take it.
I am now a volunteer at Lifeline so I'm on the phones one night a week trying to help others. If there is one thing that has come out of this, it's an aboundness (is that a word?) of gratefulness for what I have. Sometimes I feel so sorry for the people on the other end of the line and I think to myself 'how, how is it possible you got to this position where you have absolutely no-one and nowhere to turn? I am so glad I can help these people, even for just half an hour.
I'd love to be able to talk to the community about depression and to stop this stupid stigma about it and to tell people you can get better...that it doesn't have to be fatal or ongoing forever. If anyone has any leads or knows how I can do this, please feel free to tell me. Thanks to my current job, I have finally mastered the art of public speaking without freaking out first so I'm not afraid to get up and talk to people about this.
Cheers