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Forums / Staying well / DNA what you cant change

Topic: DNA what you cant change

14 posts, 0 answered
  1. white knight
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    white knight avatar
    9207 posts
    29 October 2017

    We often get members here that seek change. Maybe they dont like themselves. Maybe they are told by someone they are useless. Maybe they dont fit in?

    So sooner or later we try to change but how much of us is changable?. If we know what is changable we'd concentrate on that and not waste our time on the other stuff -correct?

    Some athletes or rulers say "you can do anything you put your mind to". Its great to be positive but not healthy to be unrealistic. I was 92 kg at 17yo. I think I'd be disappointed if my goal was to be a jockey.

    So here is my take on that-

    Changable to an achievable level

    - some mental illnesses like mild anxiety

    - traits like punctuality, over reaction, dishonesty, criminal intent, nastiness, lifestyle, addictions, goals and challenges, negative to positive thinking, stopping intrusive thoughts. Fitness, eating habits.

    Personality changes that take a long time with great effort

    - worry, depression, anger, some drug addictions, alcoholism, narcissism, effect of cults, violence, hoarding, deceipt, denial, commitment, cruelty to animals, grandeur, greed, reactions, foot in mouth, careers, commitment,

    DNA rarely if ever changable

    - vulnerability, some serious mental illnesses like autism, BPD, bipolar, schizophrenia..., humour, observations, sensitivity, emotions, physical abilities, natural talents, kindness, grief processes,

    So, if we are bipolar we'd be wasting our time and energy roaming the world finding a cure. Better to seek out up to date medical treatment to reduce the symptoms as well as assistance from others, group therapy and peer groups like here on this forum.

    With DNA areas we must find acceptance by making that our goal. Time and again I read about "I've had it with this bipolar" yet it isnt curable. Thats ok if its just venting but as a person with bipolar that has tried for many years to accept my illness and to achieve my goal of being as well and as stable as possible with this disorder...Im pleased because I also know that improvement beyond this is unlikely. There are limits to what we can achieve.

    DNA. Its inground in our makeup. Its our nature.

    Google

    Topic: the frog and the scorpion- beyondblue

    Topic: 30 minutes can change your life- beyondblue

    Tony WK

    5 people found this helpful
  2. Quercus
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    Quercus avatar
    3544 posts
    29 October 2017 in reply to white knight

    Hi Tony,

    You have a gift my friend. Being able to put into words things we all need to think about.

    How many times do we read on here about "fighting" our MI? It doesn't achieve anything but exhausting us. Much easier to accept our MI as a medical condition that we manage.

    Thank you for your kind words and practical support to me of late. Posts like this too help to ground me and look at what I can change and what I'm exhausting myself trying to change pointlessly.

    I hope you are well.

    ❤ Nat

    2 people found this helpful
  3. white knight
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    white knight avatar
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    6 June 2020 in reply to Quercus

    Has any member here tried to change something about themselves with success?

    Or is there something you’ve tried to change and been frustrated at not being able to?

    TonyWK

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Blue Elmo
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    5 July 2020 in reply to white knight

    Hi Tony

    I have for 19 years of my life been someone who lived too "relaxed" and did things very last minute. I procrastinated heavily and somehow got away with things, which just encouraged that behavior. I'm someone who isn't organized or driven to study and secure myself in life. I always thought it was just my character and part of who I am as a person.

    However I met my now GF, and she is the complete opposite of me. She made me realize my potential and helped me be the best version of me. I turned all my unhealthy habits and mindsets around and now I'm ahead of Uni, on track to get into honors, and Im driven to improve myself and take opportunities in life.

    I know this isnt something I couldnt have done without her, but it is still something I am so proud of myself for changing after nearly 20 years.

    1 person found this helpful
  5. ecomama
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    5 July 2020 in reply to Blue Elmo

    Hi Blue Elmo

    HIGH FIVE MAN!!!!!

    Omg what a guy, well done! And cheers to your awesome GF too!

    WOW.

    EM

  6. ecomama
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    5 July 2020 in reply to white knight

    Hi Tony WK

    Wonderful thread. Thankyou for reviving it!

    I love the way you write such clear thoughts.

    DNA - hot topic in health / illness studies.

    I'm reading some INCREDIBLE research about DNA.

    Whole fields researching our abilities to potentially ACTIVATE certain parts of our DNA and SUPPRESS others.
    I use the word potentially but believe that anyone that understands HOW to do this, COULD do this.

    "Potentially" here is perhaps willingness, capacity, discipline, IDK the researchers explain it a lot better than I can! Those characteristics / actions meaning we can.

    There's so much known about the brain & mind - body connections, FAR more to be learnt, then another 100y before it becomes common knowledge lol.

    I've recently been (formally) diagnosed with PTSD, Specialist psych saying it's Complex PTSD, and anxiety.
    (I beat depression a while back, by myself, no drugs, but it was a constant companion for far too long).

    SO the diagnoses terrified me. Even moreso when I read about it. Apparently it's totally accepted, at present, that PTSD & especially Complex PTSD is a life-long condition. SCARE - REE.
    Many with anxiety would say this is too esp in cases of GAD.

    I was noticed 'dissociating' by MH professionals, 'dissociative amnesia' was confirmed too.

    Anyway at the scarier knowledge of dissociation, I took 2 month's leave from work.
    Booked in with a Specialist Trauma Psych.
    Kept Counselling sessions going too.
    Appts approx once a week for each.
    Bought lots of cutting edge Scientific books on the subjects, mostly on healing.

    I was fully focused on my healing & raising lots of kids!

    Mind you there hadn't been a day, if any, in many years that I hadn't triggered. Usually multiple times a day.
    Months off work at a time. I withdrew from everything I could, including friendships, to try to cope.

    I couldn't.

    I'm 7 weeks into treatment, including massive homework. I'm not afraid of the diagnoses at all now. I believe I haven't triggered in about 3-4 weeks. I can sense, in my own scale, a wobbly pre-trigger time (3x only) & now have strategies to get to "good" before escalating. I've certainly had recent events that WOULD have previously sent PTSD & anxiety skywards but they didn't.

    This period in itself is described in the research. Glad I have it! No one else could tell me why I was feeling 'weird'. Research said I'm 'healing'.

    Psych and Counsellor said I'm showing Mental HEALTH.

    I'm grateful for my healing.

    EM

  7. white knight
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    white knight avatar
    9207 posts
    6 July 2020 in reply to ecomama

    Hi EM

    You are making great progress. It’s great you can read so much (I’ve only read a few books in my life and hence believed incorrectly I had ADHD for a while)

    Life long illness like my bipolar hasn’t impacted me at all. I take other meds life long eg DVT blood thinners so - what’s an extra tablet or two and like you in beating depression I’ve been proactive.

    Anxiety I beat but it took 22 years. My technique was muscle tensioning exercising.

    use search

    anxiety, how I eliminated it

    Meditation- he helped me for 25 years, Maharaji

    But I’m impressed how proactive you’ve been while juggling children as well. A lot of mentally ill people think professional help is all you can do, but self help is just as important

    BLUE ELMO

    That is some turn around.!

    What you have experienced is a negative to positive transformation- it’s one of the best changes you’ll make.

    use search

    30 minutes can change your life

    TonyWK

    TonyWK

    1 person found this helpful
  8. ecomama
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    6 July 2020 in reply to white knight

    Thanks Tony WK, I'm progressing very well re: diagnoses.

    I'm grateful to have had many psychs as close friends over the years, 3 in my life atm.
    I took in and take in feedback along the way.

    I think it's been SUPER important for me to be fully committed with this therapy.

    My psychs aims for me were FAR higher than I aimed for, ABSOLUTION is her aim. She said this in session 2!

    So I went with her aim, believed her and did 10x more than she gave me for "Homework" lol.

    All of my children are in my care 100%. I love the privilege of being their parent. They're beautiful, kind and caring children.

    I think I have a "healthy" amount of anxiety now. I've received feedback about that too lol.

    The past 2 weeks, not seeing any therapist, was me 'testing the waters'. Only a few short weeks ago, my best friend of c50y told me she's dying, we had 2 pretty major police events (again), 2 quite major family 'blow ups' / disruptions, got yuck medical diagnoses and a hospital admission pending. Then the usual 8 people for dinner daily, 5 loads of washing per day, pets etc.

    It's a real test when we have challenging situations and those would be classified as challenging.

    I cried about my friend. Dealt with police and residual. Blow ups sorted themselves lol. Booked the Specialist. The rest is my norm. I had sadness, yes. Shock and frustration at times ofcourse! My reactions were normal.
    Did my homework all throughout.

    Dr Joe Dispenza has been able to explain everything I've gone through in becoming well to a T.
    He was the only one able to do this.

    I'm phoning psych today to stretch my appts to fortnightly now.

    Another thing I noted in research is 'identifying as (insert MI)' as though it's you.
    Even this can be 'holding onto' the MI.
    The MIs aren't "me".
    I'm Ecomama lol.

    Wanting to become well no matter what I had to do to achieve this, was what I was willing to do.

    My psych was surprised that I didn't have alcohol abuse or substance abuse issues. Nor depression.
    She said she can spend between 6 - 18 months with patients tackling depression alone, dealing with abuses along the way and finally getting to the exacting PTSD therapies she administers all that time later.

    I suppress the DNA for alcoholism. Don't touch a drop. There is all that and more in my family history.

    EM

  9. Tay100
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    6 July 2020 in reply to white knight

    Hi white knight

    Just wanted to pop by and say this a great post, a very insightful read with great input from others too :) Is there a theory or framework you based this on? What are its origins?

    Tay100 :)

    1 person found this helpful
  10. white knight
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    white knight avatar
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    6 July 2020 in reply to Tay100

    Hi Tay

    All 300+ articles I’ve written is from personal insight and experiences. Being unmedicated manic with bipolar, likely a bit if (ADHD- my original diagnosis) it led to a colourful life. 80 cars, 90 jobs (including RAAF, prison officer, ranger, security and PI) and 15 professions. 4 long term relationships, two children now grown and a suicide attempt. Later diagnosed with depression. anxiety (anxiety conquered) , dysthymia and bipolar2.

    I haven’t seen a psych for 11 years. I’ve learned a lot from this forum with feedback.

    But in the case if this thread my drive was initiated due to acknowledging that patients often feel anger or frustration due to trying to change symptoms of their illness they cannot ever change. Better to concentrate on what they can change. Also there is issues when people try to alter symptoms that are in fact part of their family history/ personality.

    Eg My father (dec) was a normal living man with some periods of depression. My mother undiagnosed likely NPD and/or BPD, basically a person that caused massive disruption in my life and my sisters. My older brother suicided in1979.

    Any wonder why at times I’m confused and wound up. Some people I steer clear of under the umbrella of trouble maker. So after a lifetime of abuse I’m not going the improve my tolerance of such people. I’d rather avoid them and make effort in areas if my mental health I can make progress on.

    Thanks for taking an interest.

    EM- you certainly show lots of intelligence as well as tenacity. But also a battler.

    Im impressed by your beautiful motherly commitment to your children

    TonyWK

    1 person found this helpful
  11. ecomama
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    7 July 2020 in reply to white knight

    Dear TonyWK

    Thankyou for sharing more of your back story. I'm really grateful for people like you who show courage and determination in their journey to wellness and in sharing - it's beautiful generosity. I want you to know that if I APPRECIATE you then countless others do too. It makes the world of difference to people like me.
    Thankyou.

    Thankyou for your kind words about my parenting. All my children are their own gift to me every minute of every day.

    I popped in to say that I RESPECT everybody's story and everybody's journey.

    There is no right or wrong way to get to "wellness". If there was just ONE right way then we'd have this all licked!

    We are all individuals.
    We all have different needs beyond the basics of food, shelter, love.

    I'm sorry for the loss of your brother.

    I'm so grateful you made it through to be here with us.

    Love EM

    1 person found this helpful
  12. white knight
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    7 July 2020 in reply to ecomama

    Hi EM

    Thankyou for your soft words of appreciation.

    Ive not read anyone so proactive on this forum before. Your research is astonishing and your heart is in the right place, Neerja is a good example.

    One of the transformations I made was inner peace ignited by the guru Prem Rawat MAHARAJI, that I often recommend here. I’m still watching his YouTube videos (at first they were cassette tapes in 1987). At first his video “sunset” struck a cord then “appreciate” hit me between the eyes with what I lacked in my attitude.

    Suddenly I had new found humility I’d never felt before. So my journey might have tragic events but I’ve been enlightened by other developments sparked by my own motivation and ideas. Such insights I think can offer others options in how to tackle their mental illness.

    TonyWK

    1 person found this helpful
  13. ecomama
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    8 July 2020 in reply to white knight

    Hi TonyWK

    It's wonderful having someone on the forums with such a wealth of experience, advice and so eloquently spoken lol. It's almost poetry just reading your posts! lol.

    I completely agree with what you're saying about Meditation.

    Coming from a deeply religious childhood my benefit (lol) was learning Prayer. I've not stopped! lol.

    From my 20s I attended lots of beautiful Meditation classes. omg pure bliss. The city I lived in in my 20s was FULL of them. I loved the ones given by Buddhist monks and still go to workshops whenever I can. It was serendipitous that I was posted there after my training.

    We have a beautiful, totally PROACTIVE Reverend at a local church here (not mine but mine are gorgeous too lol), and he INVITES Buddhist monks to run workshops at his Church! How wonderful. I love that.

    To find that inner calm.
    To be 'at peace'.
    To have those blissful moments when time stands still.

    I know so many people say "I can't meditate" but I think they don't realise that it takes PRACTICE. Sometimes years of it. That's ok!

    You've shared a wonderful tool for us all to use.

    There are lots of apps that are so fun! I LOVE Smiling Minds. I used this during Covid. ALL of my children including myself were "essential workers". Then our shifts / workloads quadrupled. I'm not kidding you. Our colleagues were self isolating and not going to work.

    Some of my children's clients would have died had they not attended to them. There was NO ONE ELSE.

    It was so stressful. I had to use Smiling Minds lol. In fact I used EVERYTHING I could in that time.
    That's how I ended up here on the forums.

    And THANK GOD / The Universe for that.

    Love EM

  14. white knight
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    18 September 2021 in reply to ecomama

    Hi Ecomama

    I'm sorry that I missed your reply from some time ago. However it is always relevant to read back on threads and find the "one that got away".

    I'm wondering how you are going with shift work. Also how are you coping.?

    This poem I wrote immediately after a meditation session.

    DRAGONS OF MY HEART

    I walked like a moping shuffling unicorn
    As men like me do when a woman’s scorned
    And blades poke through my toes of peeping grass
    I don’t know what to do till this agony will pass

    But my head rises as I spot colour of gold
    Colour I wont get tired of as I grow old
    So many colours I cant tell my favourites apart
    Snap dragons we planted… the dragons of my heart

    And so it goes I reflect upon my soul
    This is where our love will never dissolve
    She is my friend of a lifetime and no foe behold
    Beyond the horizons of chatter when I grow old

    Unicorn sprints among daisies of white
    Mane flows freely against sunrise so bright
    And the sun shone through tearing leaves apart
    Nothing compares with the dragons of my heart

    I pick a dragon or three of ebony cream
    My ticket to my loved one harmony redeemed
    Snapping dragons presented with a shaking hand
    Everybody knows and would forever understand

    Spirits rising when goosebumps misbehave
    Someone walked over my grave,
    And roots bathed by my cradled tears
    Flowers blooming year after year

    Horses galloping prancing unicorns
    Like eagles gliding through as spirit reborn
    And the sun shone through tearing leaves apart
    Nothing compares to the dragons of my heart….

    TonyWK

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