Online forums

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please complete your profile

Complete your profile

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community.

Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

Join the online community Community rules Coping during the Coronavirus outbreak

Forums / Staying well / Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

Topic: Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

  1. blondguy
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    blondguy avatar
    11220 posts
    19 September 2021 in reply to white knight

    Hi Everyone! New members are always Welcome to post too :-)

    Just a note of appreciation to TonyWK...smallwolf....Quirky...EM and RX for your TLC for CMF

    TonyWK mentioned (to CMF) 'You're a veteran here, as admired and appreciated as the best contributors'

    Paul

    2 people found this helpful
  2. TheBigBlue
    TheBigBlue avatar
    217 posts
    19 September 2021

    Tonight I hate myself. Yesterday I hated myself. The day before that I hated myself.

    I’m not in a good place right now

  3. blondguy
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    blondguy avatar
    11220 posts
    19 September 2021 in reply to TheBigBlue

    Hi TheBigBlue

    Im sorry you hate yourself as it takes a lot of courage to post on the forums

    Can I help?

    Im Paul....a volunteer

    2 people found this helpful
  4. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    5934 posts
    19 September 2021 in reply to TheBigBlue
    Hey TheBigBlue,

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us here. We're sorry to hear you're not in a good place. We understand how draining and spiraling thoughts and feelings of self-loathing can be. Please know we are here to listen if you'd like to share more. 

    If you feel it would be beneficial, we'd urge you to get in contact with our Support Service. The counselors at our Support Service can be reached 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or online via webchat here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support
    1 person found this helpful
  5. Ggrand
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Ggrand avatar
    9085 posts
    20 September 2021 in reply to TheBigBlue

    Hello TheBigBlue,

    Im really sorry your in hard times right now and hate yourself....

    Is their something small you can do for yourself today?...maybe a little time outside away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life and thinking?

    I think our lives are so tied up with everyday life of working, cleaning, studying, whatever it is we do every day..that we don’t take time away from this and we get so overwhelmed...Maybe a nice cuppa tea/coffe/chocolate just sitting outside quietly and soaking up some of Mother nature’s healing vibes....

    We all need some time to ourselves to just be ourselves...

    My kindest thoughts dear TheBigBlue...with a warm caring hug...

    Grandy.l

    3 people found this helpful
  6. Jstar49
    Jstar49 avatar
    824 posts
    21 September 2021

    Hi all,

    I love to read others posts, like Em, who have struggled and triumphed and persist in liking themselves, no matter what. It encourages me heaps, and I know that I can choose to follow her example.

    At times when I'm feeling down on myself, it's because I'm listening to ppls voices in my head who I think must know what they're talking about. But just because they've known me a long time, or they gave birth to me, or are closely related/linked to me, doesn't mean they really know me.

    I know that I'm a different person with some ppl than I am with others. It's the ppl who I feel relaxed with and at ease being myself with, that I like myself with. And with some others, I feel like nothing I do will ever be good enough. So yeah, I can take your point Em, and vow to live my life more for the 3%, and worry less about the 97%!!! Because the more time I feel comfortable in my own skin, the more I like myself. And that has a lot to do with the ppl I hang out with, or talk to.

    I like myself here on the BB forums because evryone here is supportive, and helpful and kind.

    Cheers,

    J*

    1 person found this helpful
  7. blondguy
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    blondguy avatar
    11220 posts
    21 September 2021 in reply to Jstar49

    Hi Jstar49

    Thankyou for the super supportive post about EM...and yes she has been through a lot and done so well

    Your positive feedback re the Beyond Blue forums is greatly appreciated ✔✔

    I hope you have a great week Jstar49

    Paul

    2 people found this helpful
  8. mmMekitty
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    mmMekitty avatar
    969 posts
    3 October 2021 in reply to blondguy

    Hello Paul, and everyone,

    I think this must be a good thread, because I have been avoiding it.

    I don't like to think of how I feel about myself.

    Regardless of whether I am having fun, with someone I enjoy being with, doing things I enjoy, whatever, I know, deep down, at my core, independent of every other consideration, I do not like myself, I don't know if I actually hate myself, just I do not like myself.

    This feeling goes back so far I can't see when it started, how it arose, or anything. It feels there, like it is in my DNA - although, I do not think that is literally true.

    I think whether or not we like ourselves comes from our environment, culture, upbringing, experiences, input from all sources around us that tell us who and what we are.

    When we are little kids, we do not examine and assess what we see and hear, how we are regarded by others and how in general, society regards us. We take it all in, unfiltered.

    I can identify what some of the stuff I was fed, but not yet how to undo the harm it has done. A lot of it is effing poison. How do we neutralise that?

    Then how do we build a healthy self-regard?

    When I think I am being perceived as better than I am, I feel I have been 'fooling' people, They don't really know me. They would not want to. But if I don't 'fool' people, I would not be talking to anyone about anything, anywhere.

    I still rely on others, such as my PDr, who seems to think I am worth his effort, who says everyone has an innate intrinsic value, and I carry on as if this is true. I'm not actually convinced, but I value his opinion more than my own. I do wonder if I didn't pay (what Medicare won't), would he still see me?

    I continue to hold to the memories that a few people did think I was okay, worth-while, tolerable to have around, & so I know I wasn’t all that bad. There was something there. I don’t know what it was though...something.

    It’s a grain of sand to build a pearl around.

    It's hard sometimes, but thank you, Paul, for this thread that makes me think.

    mmMekitty

    3 people found this helpful
  9. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    12396 posts
    3 October 2021 in reply to mmMekitty

    I agree that the variety of posts help me.

    mmMekitty I like the way you have written a detailed and thoughtful response to Do you like yourself.?
    It is a great thread because we can all discuss matters that are important to us in a supportive environment.

    I wonder when I like myself but feel ow I tend to blame others. Does anyone relate to that?

    1 person found this helpful
  10. ecomama
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    ecomama avatar
    4567 posts
    3 October 2021 in reply to quirkywords

    Hey everyone, I hope you can all find moments to like yourself today, or all day if possible!

    Hey mmMeKitty, so nice of you to come into this thread and a very warm WELCOME! Share away, your input is very much valued.

    Thanks J*, my sister in truth and light lol. Have you given much thought to just BEING YOURSELF pretty much all the time? (within reason of course lol).
    Then, possibly, the people who don't like 'a person like you' scrams outta the picture quickly, which in my books is AWESOME.
    Then the people who hang around are those kindred spirits that you've attracted into your life and you can relax more and continue being yourself?

    Sure I have a 'professional persona' but it's pretty much me without the swearing lol. And in a dress suit more or less.

    I'm not in 'wild abandon' mode in all of my friendships, all of the time BUT I hold strong to my authentic mode.
    For me, to be any other way is deceiving them. I won't subscribe to pretense.

    Hey quirky, not sure what you're asking?

    Do you mean that when you like yourself, you blame others? Or when you're not liking yourself, you blame others?

    We can blame others till the cows come home and usually I find there is responsibility to be laid at others' feet, sure! We can blame others and all sorts of circumstances always.

    Then we've exhausted that, where do we stand? I think going through the blame could be an important part of our healing. Putting it all down on paper to get it all out of our system could help alot!

    Then we are left with ourselves.
    Having a growth mindset helps. We NEED to pour so much into ourselves to progress our MH. The more damage, the more work to be done.

    To respond to the question do I like myself?
    Sure.
    I do. I'm not perfect and don't need to be. I am more than enough. I do my best and that's all I can ask of myself.

    Love to you all
    EMxxxx

    2 people found this helpful
  11. Anna1991
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Anna1991 avatar
    9 posts
    3 October 2021 in reply to mmMekitty

    Hi MKitty and everyone here,

    I can certainly relate to the feelings of having "fooled" people when they seem to like me or perceive me as "better" than I am. "Imposter syndrome" is something I have certainly experienced.

    Looking at it from another perspective - perhaps the negative view point that you hold of yourself is the wrong one; we are often harsher on ourselves than we would be our worst enemies, and the truth may be that others can see your worth more than you can see it yourself.

    Be kind to yourself.

    1 person found this helpful
  12. CMF
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    8660 posts
    3 October 2021 in reply to blondguy

    Paul, Tony, Tim , RX, Quirky, Em...

    I just saw all of your replies. THANK YOU.

    I do feel better and realised in the last couple of weeks I like myself when I allow myself TO BE ME. When I do things for others, when I care, when considerate. If other's don't reciprocate I guess that's their problem. I don't need to lower my standards to match theirs just because they are like that. My work colleague can be not very nice sometimes but she is never happy with anything. Including herself. When we work together it affects me. She told me recently I'm much nicer to others than her . My partner told me he loves me so much cos I'm so considerate of him and I'm REAL. Nothing fake about me.

    I often feel people don't like much. I am excluded cos I'm quieter, or don't gossip, or don't drink. I see jokes going on around me that I'm not involved in. However, if others can see the positive things in me along with you, my dear friends here, then I can see them too.

    Thank you

    Cmf x

    4 people found this helpful
  13. mmMekitty
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    mmMekitty avatar
    969 posts
    4 October 2021

    Hello Quirkywords, Ecomama and Anna1991, thank you.
    I like to post here, on BB that is, because I am not writing into a void, knowing there will be no feedback, which is entirely safe, but gets me nowhere. Reading what others say, all the various points of view, is important. There is no perfectly correct way to think, feel or behave. No ‘normal’.
    I’m still learning people are not ALWAYS going to dismiss or reject or deny me the right to say what is on my mind, so putting it out there is not as dangerous as I might imagine.
    Quirkywords, I also don’t understand what you mean when you wrote, “I wonder when I like myself but feel ow I tend to blame others.” Would you please would you talk about this more?
    I feel I lost myself to the people and what they said and did. I think I was diminished, slowly had bits of me stripped away until I felt there was nothing left. If asked, I’d either give rote answers or if I was to dare being honest, I would have said I was nothing, nobody, and also that I didn’t matter. As if ‘I’ was gone.
    I think major events, or those daily stresses beyond what most people would consider normal have cumulative effects shaping us into who we are, or eroding us to where we don’t feel any sort of Self remains.
    I wore a façade, just to get through, I felt myself slide back, as if literally to a safer distance from the world and its people, and put up an invisible wall around me. That too, was all an illusion, fooling myself, because it now seems, everything got in. In my own head, I took up berating. Belittling, undermining and discouraging myself. So, even when I could feel their presence in my mind wasn’t there, I was. I beat up on myself in their stead. In effect, I became them.
    I know these are not MY thoughts and feelings. I have barely begun to have and accept MY OWN thoughts and feelings, & can’t really define who I am. When I began to work on this, I felt that thoughts and feelings of others were like my internal scaffolding, and remove them, I would collapse, but there was nothing of myself built on that scaffolding, so what the? I think I fear to really be nothing. There is still a lot of crap I believe.
    I want to know who I am, independent of anyone.

    mmMekitty

    2 people found this helpful
  14. ecomama
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    ecomama avatar
    4567 posts
    4 October 2021 in reply to CMF

    Dear CMF

    You are so very valued here.

    It seem that the BB forums are chock full of such sweet, sensitive souls. I think we get hurt more easily OR turn the hurt in on ourselves instead of carrying on like others may.

    I also like myself alot more when I'm being ME. SNAP!

    Hugs and more hugs.

    Hey mmMekitty, so you're embarking on some inner searching? That's gonna be FUN!
    As I read your post, it was also like all those people who "stripped" layers away have led you to a time when you're soul is bared now.

    How BEAUTIFUL!

    You seem so inquisitive, thoughtful, kind and sparkly.
    I'm intuiting you just MIGHT like cats too? No idea where I got that idea from lol, maybe I've just got ESP? hahaha.
    I love cats too! My cat sleeps on my bed and is AWESOME! Such a different personality to any other cat I've owned. A real powerhouse and protector. He ALWAYS knows when I'm not feeling well and sleeps on my feet in those times, like his LOVE will make me better and yeah it does lol.

    So DO YOU LIKE YOURSELF?

    I think I might as well lol. Beats the other stuff.

    Can we BEGIN just liking ourselves or do we have to think ABC to like ourselves? Bit like what came first the chicken or the egg.

    I just decided to like myself for any and no reason whatsoever.

    Hope you can all find things to smile about today 😁,
    Love EMxxxx

    1 person found this helpful
  15. mmMekitty
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    mmMekitty avatar
    969 posts
    5 October 2021 in reply to ecomama

    Hi Ecomama,

    I wasn't sure I would reply to your post. I am confused about your saying:

    "... so you're embarking on some inner searching? That's gonna be FUN!"

    Hasn't been fun so far. I am in a state of uncertainty and insecurity, being empty some days, full of crap the others. washed up on a barren island or in the midst of a storm - fun? No, I barely have stayed afloat.

    & then you say:

    "...it was also like all those people who "stripped" layers away have led you to a time when you're soul is bared now.
    How BEAUTIFUL!"

    What do you think was beautiful about being abused? It brought no sense of me having a 'soul' left, like scraps uneaten after the feasting is done. Not even that.

    That's why I have to 'build' myself up from the ground up, without really knowing how.

    I am pleased you could decide and 'snap' and it's done. I do have to go at the task one step at a time.

    Thanks for your compliments, I am doing my best to not dismiss them because I have a hard time accepting anyone could apply these words to describe me. I want to shake my head, say, 'no, who me? No, couldn't me me, You must be mistaken." Or worse, trying to have a sarcastic joke at my expense. I don't accept compliments easily. That's a reflection of how I feel about myself.

    Mekitty was my cat, (see my avatar) I agree they all have their own personalities, & are all wonderful.

    I hope I have not offended you, by questioning and not understanding what you wrote. My apologies for any offence.

    mmMekitty

    2 people found this helpful
  16. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15306 posts
    5 October 2021 in reply to mmMekitty

    Hello Everyone, you are all valued by keeping this thread going, there have been so many good comments.

    I know for myself, that the older you get, the change of hours seem to knock you around, whereas when I was young, I loved daylight saving and took advantage of the extra hours, now I'm used to sleeping during the daylight.

    Geoff.

    3 people found this helpful
  17. gucia6
    gucia6 avatar
    84 posts
    6 October 2021 in reply to geoff

    EM, I love what you wrote

    "To respond to the question do I like myself?
    Sure.
    I do. I'm not perfect and don't need to be. I am more than enough. I do my best and that's all I can ask of myself."

    Good morning everyone

    I thought I would pop in and say "Hi" :D

    I love to see how so many start saying they like themselves, there is visible growth and probably fair bit of healing. It is awesome.

    You are awesome.

    In the last couple of months I was doing good. Ups and downs, smaller and bigger. I am able to cope ok with smaller triggers, I am still swept off my feet with bigger ones, but it takes less time to get up again.

    And I am working on my feelings of guilt and shame. About the past and about what I think now. I am slowly accepting my darkness. I am not a saint. I do harbour negative emotions like anger, hatred and resentment. But I actually realized, that I have the right to feel like that bout certain situations and people. That this might be a completely normal response to such. A response I was denied when I was a kid, and all the time when I was 'groomed' to be a 'good girl', with no right to stand for herself. And not wanting or not being able to forgive, does not make me a bad and ungrateful person.

    And I am also working on dealing with my past. Having (c)PTSD sucks, especially when being triggered, when sometimes I can't think straight, and I need quite a bit of external reassurance, that I am not a bad and broken person. But then I know that past is in the past. Yes, it shaped me. And yes it is affecting me today a lot. And it makes me angry and all. But I also know that there is no point on clinging to this anger, even though at times it is hard to step out of those intrusive memories and emotions. And now there is so much I can do to get better in the future. And I hope that there will be a time, that my triggers will be shallow enough that I will just be able to shake it off with a thought "ahh, there it is, one of those ugly memories, but I am cool with it".

  18. gucia6
    gucia6 avatar
    84 posts
    6 October 2021 in reply to mmMekitty

    Hi mmMekitty

    I somehow can relate. For many years I thought of myself as 'Ms.No-one'. I did not have a opinion, I did not express my thoughts, I did not protest against my dislikes, I did not share my likes. I always waited for others to say their opinions, so I would adjust my answer to fit the rest. But also there were people who got really annoyed when I gave 'I don't know' answer. And when the time came to move and become a 'responsible, strong and independent' adult, it felt like to be expected to navigate stormy ocean on a tiny weathered paddle boat, without even understanding what is missing.

    But you know what? Right now, you might not know who you really are, if it is the real you or the frame of others. And it is OK, to be lost. And it is OK not to know where to start. But the fact that you are here, that you are trying to look for answers, that you reached out and want to heal. This is the real part of the real you.

    And we are all shaped by our pasts. Our thoughts, beliefs, opinions were (and still are) all influenced by everyone around, experiences and circumstances. And for me, as far as I could have done without the trauma, all of that is what made me the person I am now. And there are some pretty good qualities, that some people who drifted through peaceful childhoods might not posses. I look at it as if at some point I was left as an ugly, rough and battered piece of rock that nobody wanted. But now I have my tools, little hammer and chisel to work it into a masterpiece of an amazing sculpture.

    But it takes time. Now when forming opinion I am really analysing. Is it what I really think? Or is it something that someone else would think? Or is it something that is expected to be thought? What my gut tells me about it? Does it make me feel warm and fuzzy and comfortable? Or are there fear, anxiety or disgust? Or is this something I would say to impress, or maybe hurt someone? Am I self-censoring myself? (I would not express some thoughts, because they seem too much against the stream, or somewhat inappropriate). And often it takes time to get the 'final' opinion, and sometimes it goes through different stages and sometimes even opposing 'sub-opinions'.

    I am overthinker, but I believe this is one of the good qualities being the product of my trauma. Even though it makes me doubt myself, it also allows me to see things from many different angles, and consider many different possibilities. And as tiring and annoying it may get, it is beautiful.

    2 people found this helpful
  19. mmMekitty
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    mmMekitty avatar
    969 posts
    6 October 2021 in reply to gucia6

    Thank you gucia6, for your thoughtful and insightful post. I think we do have much in common.

    You have said some things I will think about.

    Virtual hug for you.

    mmMekitty

  20. chadicha
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    chadicha avatar
    44 posts
    22 October 2021

    I used to struggle with loving myself so much and whenever I was told this was the answer, I just didn't know how it became a cycle of frustration in trying to work out how I'm meant to. Looking back, I've learnt its 100% a process. Your not just going to wake up or flick a switch and automatically feel this overwhelming sense of love for yourself on command. It's a journey, and theres gonna be days you grit it out trying to come back to the very essence of it and 100% being gentle with yourself is apart of it. I could tell you all the things I did or said to myself, but many of those things were just bandaid solutions to a deeper sense of self loathing I had. Why I'm not good enough? why I'm dealing with these horrible feelings of anxiety/bouts of depression no matter what I tell myself? Why am I so ugly?

    Sometimes loving yourself isn't fairytale, it isn't the type of self-love you see on Tik Tok glorifying all these pretty daily rituals and habits. I believe true self love is when you are your own biggest supporter and have your own back because you know just how much your going through, yet your still here your still fighting these things. It's knowing your so much stronger than what your going through and it's not pretty sometimes.

    Truthfully, I was forced to love myself; when no one had my back, when I was so alone and people just didnt seem to understand or want to connect with me despite craving friendship/connection so much. I felt like the most worthless person on earth but that low is exactly when I realised my inherent worth inside. I knew I wasn't meant to feel like that and this was my way of loving myself, the one I wanted to feel with others. I knew I had a good heart, but others just couldn't see it, or others just wanted to believe bad things about me. I had to believe in my story and truth again and thats whats really helped me to have my own back and ultimately learn to be kinder to myself.

    2 people found this helpful
  21. Sleepy21
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Sleepy21 avatar
    4159 posts
    22 October 2021 in reply to chadicha

    I never used to care about myself or my life, I do now.

    It's something.

    I don't love myself always. I think I offer a lot, have depth, and am wise and insightful.

    I don't necessarily love all of myself and often feel really broken and scarred. Like everyone can see my failures, like they are somehow on display.

    3 people found this helpful
  22. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2767 posts
    22 October 2021 in reply to geoff

    Hi Geoff.

    Yeah that's one of the stupid things about daylight saving. Our bodies work into summer hours naturally over mths as the seasons change but they can't thrown straight into it the way daylight saving does. l hate it with a passion and so does my d. l use to like it until l lived in qld for a few yrs where the seasons and skies still float in and out of night and day the way they're meant to. Once you've lived on one time right through again your reminded of just how beautiful and natural all that is , and your sleeping and body clocks just float on through it all , just the way they were meant to. One thing l hated about moving back to Vic.

    Another thing l hated about it , yet sooooo obvious, when my d was still at school. You know they'd often actually move the clocks back or forward on the Sunday night before the kids starting back Monday morng, after, their holidays. l could never believe not one person in the education department ever told the Government that or that anyone in the Government weren't seeing it with their very own children.

    lt use to mess my daughter up so much she'd be tired and all out of whack for wks and wks . Her sleep pattern was completely changed and beginning on the very day she'd be starting back at school, it was insane. lf they must mess with the kids too then why not start it when they start their holiday so that they'll be back in zinc by the time the go back, no , too logical.

    rx

    1 person found this helpful
  23. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2767 posts
    22 October 2021 in reply to Sleepy21

    Hiya sleepy.

    l'm afraid l realized a long long time ago any depth wisdom and natural intuition, senses, insight , as you call it yeah, unfortunately it isn't seen by most. Even when the very things going on were pointed out long before.People are very strange in those ways , sometimes l've thought if they don't have it themselves then they just can't see it either , or hear it before hand. People seem locked into their own programing and not even proofs in front of their very eyes changes it, it's a very weird thing.

    rx

    1 person found this helpful
  24. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    12396 posts
    22 October 2021 in reply to chadicha

    What a lot of interesting posts thst have made me think.

    Chadicha

    You wrote “Truthfully, I was forced to love myself; when no one had my back, when I was so alone and people just didnt seem to understand or want to connect with me despite craving friendship/connection so much. I felt like the most worthless person on earth but that low is exactly when I realised my inherent worth inside”

    That makes a lot of sense, but it can take a long time and a difficult journey to make thst connection.

    Sleepy I agree that we don’t have to like all parts of ourselves but you recognise your strengths which shows insight.

    Rx Do you think that in our society we tend to point out in others their weaknesses and what they need to improve on and not look at their strengths. So if someone does point out a strength in us we don’t believe it. Just a thought.

    1 person found this helpful
  25. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9214 posts
    22 October 2021 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi all

    What if over thinking has a role to 0

    play in - not liking ourselves?

    We have (here) been digesting and regurgitating "do we like ourselves" which has and is, been fabulous. How far should we as individuals, continually seek out those answers before the theory itself has a negative effect? When it becomes a worry.

    Some people say "I choose to not think about that". I often ask myself "how can people CHOOSE their thinking journey. It's then that I realise my control of my own mind is lacking. There's another possibility- that my mind dwells on a topic of insecurity because I'm not mentally active enough in life's great offerings. I'm trying to fix the unfixable.

    It's OK and normal for us to try to work out the unworkable, why, why, why, I wonder if it's because of this or that, but I'd suggest we could benefit more if we worked towards our capabilities of thinking about it less by means of distraction.

    Like when my father stopped to answer my 50th question about his veggie garden. I'd asked him questions like- what if the seed doesn't grow dad? What if the soil is not good? Why don't the tomatoes grow biggerethenHhe finally turned around, took a deep breath and said..."well son, if I stopped to answer all your questions...I wouldn't know the answers because we wouldn't have a vegie garden..."

    TonyWK

    3 people found this helpful
  26. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2767 posts
    23 October 2021 in reply to white knight

    For me personally Tony yeah l do agree. l've come to some of the threads around and talked about stuff a bit myself. But it has begun feeling lately just for me personally l'm saying, that too much is too much and for me too much doesn't seem to be helping.

    l've actually been thinking a lot about all that this last few wks actually .

    Thanks for the thoughts as always.

    rx

    1 person found this helpful
  27. ecomama
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    ecomama avatar
    4567 posts
    23 October 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hey everyone

    Perhaps there's a theme here that could be helped by "moderation". Not as in our wonderful Sophie_Bs lol, who are all appreciated. But moderation in regards to our own views of ourselves.

    "Be kind" seems to be a nice mantra to use here, most especially in regards to ourselves. This involves doing, being and thinking so many things, including boundaries.

    Picking ourselves apart in the useless pursuit of perfection is just destructive. I think it also inhibits opportunities for us to bloom into who we truly are.

    We ARE unique and could be SO HAPPY realising this! One mantra we use in our home is; "Dance to the beat of your OWN drum".

    I hope each and every person can choose to see themselves as true wonders and live accordingly.

    Sure I like myself.

    Love EMxxxx

    2 people found this helpful
  28. mmMekitty
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    mmMekitty avatar
    969 posts
    23 October 2021

    I do despair at ever stopping this picking at myself, making all this mess on the floor )thanks Ecomama, for the image in my head).

    I'm human & being so, I am sentient & have a language & a mind which can reflect & question, endlessly ... or so it seems, like White Knight & Dad: "Like when my father stopped to answer my 50th question about his veggie garden. I'd asked him questions like- what if the seed doesn't grow dad? What if the soil is not good? Why don't the tomatoes grow biggerethenHhe finally turned around, took a deep breath and said..."well son, if I stopped to answer all your questions...I wouldn't know the answers because we wouldn't have a vegie garden..."

    I'm sure we can over analyse every aspect of ourselves, & at the end of the quest, forget why we began, & remain unsatisfied. What about all the things we miss out on while digging up the world? Did we take a moment to even look around & experience anything of it with our other senses? We could be so caught up trying to work things out, to answer the ultimate Unanswerable Questions - most of which are 'why?' As well as 'what is it for?', or even 'is it for anything?'

    We humans don't much care for uncertainty.

    We go off in different directions, but I wonder, if we are all seeking the same resolution to our uncertainty.

    In relation to the question of this post, the question leads to more questions. I can make up answers that might sound good, but then feel deep down, these are not answers at all. Questions remain, & it is these questions I have had dwelling in my mind for so long I don't know when they were first planted. Am I worthy? Am I good enough? Do they love me? Can anyone love me? Can I ever be good enough, acceptable, or maybe just tolerable? How much can I expect? How much can I ask for?

    & how can I give what I don't have, even to myself?

    I think, my heart feels, I don't like myself, let alone love myself. I think it comes from that long ago place & time, & I don't know how, if possible, to get anything back.

    I'd like to stop reflecting on the question. I've gone over & over that, & it is like crawling face down in the muck. I think, I'll feel better when I get up & walk , listen, touch, you know, smell roses, & learn to appreciate I have a nose. I didn't get this nose for being bad, or good - I got it because I was born a human, able to perceive that self is smelling nearby roses, irrespective of whether or not I feel good about myself.

    Good enough?

    mmMekitty

  29. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    12396 posts
    24 October 2021 in reply to mmMekitty

    Thanks again for all the thoughtful posts.

    I feel as I get older it is not that I don't like myself but I don't like how I let little things like family and friends saying things allowing their words to upset me.

    When I say that I find their comments upsetting, which I usually don't but keep it hidden. the response is we are only trying to help you and you need to be more like an adult and not so sensitive.

    Yes Tony I too over think, I wonder why I cant make a joke when someone comments about something I am wearing or I have said.

    I think I like me but dont like I can get upset so easily.

    Not sure that makes sense.

  30. mmMekitty
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    mmMekitty avatar
    969 posts
    24 October 2021 in reply to quirkywords

    I wonder, Quirkywords, if when those comments hurt it is because we think the observation reflects an attitude we think is being expressed about ourseelves. As if, when saying tha top doesn't match your coat,,they are saying we can't pick clothes properly, or we don't care enough about how we look. If we think like this, we're imagining what is in someone's mind.& we care about their opinion more than we care for our own.

    We also would like to be shown respect, enough to not have off-hand, casual remarks thrown at us, & then have them say, "oh, can't you take a joke?" or "You take yourself too seriously" We have all these criticisms coming at us, & so what if we are sensitive? Ought we not be sensitive when someone treats us with disrespect?

    I'd like if I ever do step over the line with yu, or anyone, when I think I am having a bit of fun, for you to tell me. Please. I think I get a feel for people here, but I could be wrong. I know sometimes I am not sure I am understanding everything I read. Not getting the whole picture, so, yes, I need to be told when I have it wrong.

    I know I have definitely messed up relationships by misreading people, what they say & do, their motives, MY motives, MY ability to verbally express myself being less than half as I can when writing. I

    😼(& getting back on topic), I'd most like to speak like I can write, & then I would like myself better, because then I would feel a greater sense of continuity between my inner self & the self I present to others.

    I realised, later, well after leaving home, how much those many nasty words got in, & how deeply effected I was by them & also how no-one intervened to stop the verbal/emotional attacks, the effects of which are awfully hard to remove.

    *

    Quirkywords, know you have done a power of good here. I have appreciated your efforts across these forums.

    mmMekitty

    1 person found this helpful

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.


Sign me up