I am a 32yo F in a leadership position in a large government organisation and my job is killing me. I can barely get myself to go and have used all my leave just trying to get by. I am getting more and more depressed, my mental, emotional and physical health is worsening. This has been going on for two years at which point I decided to seek part-time employment as I know this is the solution for me. For two years, every week, I checked the bulletins and finally, the perfect job came up (part time positions are essentially non existent in our organisation!)
Three days per week, a promotion and change of location. Amazing! My skillset aligns, this is it, my light at the end of the tunnel, my chance to get out of there! I had so much hope, it felt right, the weight I had been carrying around lifted just with the thought and, to my delight, I was offered the promotion!!!!! (Note: I have been knocked-back on three occasions for an ongoing promotion at my current location in the role I am in, however they continue to keep me in this acting role as it suits them). But finally, alas, someone has recognised my abilities and to add the icing on the cake it was part time! I could not believe it! I'm going to buy some new work clothes to celebrate! I was so happy. My partner was so happy for me that he cried!
Then I got the call. My General Manager decided not to release me for this new position. They are "too understaffed", they need to keep me acting in my current role (but I'm not good enough for it on an ongoing basis?) They have released several others for promotions but due to my skillset they are going to keep me?
They then took the liberty of informing my would-be new workplace that they will not let me go. And so, all my hopes were shattered and I am back to working full-time, 9 days in a row. I begged, pleaded for them to let me go. For two years I have been waiting for this opportunity to come along! This opportunity won't come along again. I have done everything for you! I have never asked for anything in my 8 years here. My mental health is worsening! Please! But still "the answer is no, you are not going, end of story".
I am now as low as I have ever been and to make matters worse, as if to punish me further, they have bumped me out of the role I have been acting in and back to the rank below, as if to teach me a lesson for trying to leave.
I am so lost. I am so sad. I am so hopeless. What do I do? How do I claw myself out of this hole??? :-( :-( :-(