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Forums / Staying well / Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

Topic: Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

  1. quirkywords
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    8 March 2018 in reply to Quercus

    Hello everyone reading

    Nat, what a thoughtful response.

    What I am saying and I know it sounds weird, because I know I am my inner critic but I feel sometimes that negative critical selfis right amd wonder if others feel the same.

    I do know with my friend I am not responsible for her moods and we both want to help each other,

    I know being over critical is not healthy but sometimes we are acutely aware of our flaws.

    I do know I am not selfish but I really can be absorbed it's my self and do way too ugh navel gazing. Some introspection is needed for my well being but my intense focus on myself can sometimes mean I miss out on spotting others who maybe slipping.

    Nat I really admire your insights int o your behaviour and you compassion for others,

    I think to soften my inner critic I need to work out whyI am willing to take the blame for things and why I am ready to take criticism without ever questioning it.

    Can you one relate to that?

    Quirky

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  2. startingnew
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    8 March 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    what an interesting topic youve just brought up Quirky

    Just curious though about something you said "i feel sometimes that negative critical self is right" can you give an example of when or why you think this?

    from memory alot of the posts here (just just yours) focus on not listening to the IC, how we can challange that, talk to it and well not negotitate but switch it up abit and refocus ourselves, sometimes just brushing it off. so before i i comment further just after a little more perspective if you dont mind.

  3. startingnew
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    8 March 2018 in reply to Moonstruck

    Hi Moon i was just reading your post, and can relate alot to what youve said about being 'lazy'

    ave you considered calling it a self care day? and seeing if that helps tame your IC? just a thought anyway

  4. quirkywords
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    8 March 2018 in reply to startingnew

    Hello everyone,

    Starting New,

    Thanks for your post. In my threads I like to explore all possible ideas and from different perspectives and get its opinion.

    I started this thread as I wanted to tame my inner critic.

    I have acknowledged that sometimes I think the critic is right. For example when I think I have been to focused on myself and have not noticed how friends are struggling. I agree with critic that I could be a better friend. This does not happen all the time. I have thread on honesty soI am being honest as to how I feel.

    I hope that makes it clear and not confuse you more.

    Quirky

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  5. startingnew
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    9 March 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Morning Quirky,

    yes that does make more sense thank you.

    hmm im not too sure i can relate in that ive listened to my IC, ive often had it 'fed' by those around me that my IC is right in saying things like im worthless etc. i cant think of a time right now but will have a think about it.

  6. quirkywords
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    9 March 2018 in reply to startingnew

    Helllo all

    SN

    I just keep throwing out ideas on my threads, some will make sense, some make annoy you, some may feel comfortable but I hope they all make people question and think and evaluate.

    Of course that does not always happen but I try and I appreciate you support.

    Quirky

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  7. startingnew
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    9 March 2018 in reply to quirkywords
    keep the ideas/thoughts coming Quirky. it makes for an interesting read even if i have nothing to add. ive been able to relate to quite alot of what everyone has said here and as we are all our own people not everyone will relate to every situation xox
  8. Elizabeth CP
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    9 March 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    The idea of SC being right made me think.

    I think we all learn from experience. This includes seeing results of our actions & also comments from others. This past experience feeds our IC. Because many of those experiences occurred decades ago we can't remember them but the IC does. It makes sense that sometimes the IC is right or at least partly right. Unfortunately sometimes the IC is unhelpful.

    Maybe we need to question the IC. is the information helpful or nor. What can we do to change. Do we need to change or will that make things worse.

    Sorry I'm not expressing myself very well. Just throwing some ideas out.

  9. quirkywords
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    10 March 2018 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Hello all,

    I have noticed in this thread and others that people often say that their comment does not make sense, that they are sorry that they may be taking the thread off topic, that their pot is so confused, or that they are not communicating as well as they want to and many more such comments.

    Why do we self doubt so much,why dont we have confidence in what we write? I have never read a post that was not well expressed or contributed to this thread. Is it our inner critic whispers in in our ear that our words are not good enough?

    So no more apologies as all post are welcome and add to this thread.

    Elizabeth, you write so well and say things that are important..I think questioning the Ic sounds helpful but e need to continually challenge.IC.

    Quirky

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  10. Elizabeth CP
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    10 March 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Yesterday I posted after arriving home from holiday. Unfortunately I received a phone call from DIL while at the airport reporting issues with my son's MH. I've been feeling confused & concerned ever since so not thinking as straight as normal. I wrote a new thread on the carers section hoping for advice because I don't know what to do.

    My IC tells me I should be doing more to help my son but I'm unsure what to do which leads to guilt. On the other hand my psych has frequently advised me to be very cautious about getting too involved because of the impact on my MH. It is not always easy to know when to listen to the IC & when to ignore it!!!

  11. quirkywords
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    10 March 2018 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Hello everyone

    Elizabthe, that is a dilemma that parents face and it is hard and no easier answer.

    Is itpossible to set a boundary and help up to a certain point without affecting your own health.Your psych knows you well and the advice is sound. Of course as a parent it is your instinct to rush and help him but as people have said before, if our own health is affected howcan e Eli our children.

    I think maybe you can help a bit by being supportive to your DIL, if that does not affect your health too much.

    What do you want to do and what are you able to do? For me guilt comes with the role of being a parent .

    Quirky

  12. Elizabeth CP
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    10 March 2018 in reply to quirkywords
    I have explained more in my new thread because the issues are not relevant to this thread. My DIL is the problem & expects others to pick up the pieces after things go wrong.
  13. quirkywords
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    11 March 2018 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Thanks Elizabeth I will check it out.

    Quirky

  14. startingnew
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    11 March 2018

    hey all just a question...

    how would you know when to listen to your IC and when to reason/ignore etc with it?

  15. quirkywords
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    11 March 2018 in reply to startingnew

    Hello all

    Great question SN.

    For depends on the comment from IC. If it is some thing highly critical and i feel well I will argue. if I am not feeling well I tend to agree which is not a good thing so see this as a sign that I need to really think about the words. Sometimes though I can agree with the idea ithout all the negativity, like I can be impatient but that does not make me a worthless person it just means I can try to be more impatient.

    Hope that was not too confusing.

    Quirky

  16. startingnew
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    12 March 2018

    yes thank you Quirky

    one of my IC are rather bothersome atm so wondering whether to listen to it. i think its right but im not exactly sure either.

  17. quirkywords
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    15 March 2018 in reply to startingnew

    Hello everyone

    I think knowing when to challenge the inner critic and when to ignore it and when to listen a bit, is tricky. Anyone else have any ideas.

    Quirky

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  18. Doolhof
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    15 March 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Everyone,

    This morning I have decided to "feed" my inner critic a heap of chocolate and will smother it with love and care, that way I will have a good day and feel a whole lot better about myself.

    Woke up feeling like nothing would go right today and I was a total failure! Hang on a minute. I just woke up! Where did all of that come from! I haven't even opened my eyes yet!

    Our minds can certainly tell us some whoppers of stories! Inner Critic and all.

    I have decided to accept the negative thoughts as being thoughts and have planned out my morning.

    I don't have the energy to challenge them today so I have just let the IC be and it is sick of talking to itself without getting my attention. Each day is different I am sure Quirky and SN.

    Cheers to all from Dools

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  19. quirkywords
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    15 March 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    Mrs DoolsI am smiling at your inner critic somothered in chocolate!!

    You are right about not giving the critic attention and that negative thoughts are just thoughts.

    I am not a morning person and can wake up in tears over nothing. I have been known through tears mumble to my partner that I am really fine andI am just the tears keep coming.

    I agree our minds can lie to us, depression i s a liar and so is the inner critic.

    Always like your comments, Mrs Dools.

    Quirky

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  20. startingnew
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    17 March 2018

    Morning everyone ❤

    Mrs D i love what you wrote. Smother the IC in chocolate. Chocolate fixes everything ;)

    Each day is indeed different we just hope its a better day then the last.

    I cant remember if its been meantioned or not but Has anyone tried Thought Challanging as an IC exercise?

  21. quirkywords
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    17 March 2018 in reply to startingnew

    Hello everyone

    Starting New,

    yes thought challenging our inner critic has been mentioned but is worth reminding us.Nat wrote a letter a hill back challenging her inner critic on many points and standing up and really being strong and showing the inner critic how wrong it was/

    Have you done it as an exercise?

    I have tried it and written it don and the process of writing don thenegtive thoughts and challenging them can sho me how destructive and unhelpful they are.

    Quirky

  22. Moonstruck
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    20 March 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    I've done it as an exercise Quirky....writing down IC's comments and replying to them, shooting her down in flames actually......it was fun getting the upper hand over her...I am just getting through something very challenging and demanding and with flying colours so far.....so it has certainly shut her up for the time being! Wonder how long it will last though.

    We seem to have bad memories for our achievements, and crystal clear ones for our stuff-ups!! How can we turn that around do you reckon? love Moon S x

  23. quirkywords
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    20 March 2018 in reply to Moonstruck

    Hello all

    hi Moon, glad the exercise worked for you.

    That is another great question.

    Why do we have bad memories, vague memories for our achievements abut crystal clear memories for our mistakes ?

    I would like to know what others think?

    I know my critic late at night when I can't sleep reminds me of all the times I have messed things up .I was told that talking about my achievements is bragging and boasting and I find that hard to overcome. Any thoughts?

    Quirky

  24. Moonstruck
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    21 March 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Quirky....just to clarify...I don't talk about my achievements, boast or brag about them to my friends, colleagues, people "out here" all the time....I just feel free to be open and honest here on Forum though. I hope I don't come across as bragging.....I have to "boast and brag" to Inner Critic though...otherwise she will push me right under!

    have a good day everyone.....xo

  25. Elizabeth CP
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    21 March 2018 in reply to Moonstruck

    I think boasting or bragging is different to sharing your achievements with close friends or family. Boasting or bragging is telling others about yourself or what you have done to make yourself appear better than others so it is very negative. As a child && a teenager my parents wanted us to talk about our achievements so they could celebrate with us. It didn't matter if it was big or small if it mattered to us they liked to know so they could share our happiness & know what mattered to us. Each of us were encouraged to pusue our own personal goals so there was no comparisons between us.

    On the forums we do the same. When people share successes it inspires others & it is good to know the poster who often has been struggling has some success. Of course as Moon said we need to be very cautious about sharing acheivements because other s can mistakenly think we're boasting & react by putting us down which we don't need.

  26. quirkywords
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    21 March 2018 in reply to Moonstruck

    Hello all

    Moon,

    Sorry I did not mean you meant to brag- was saying that is how I interpreted. I agree we should be able to be proud and open and honest, I am sorry if I was confusing in my language. I get enthusiastic hen I post and sometimes my words get tangled.

    I understood what you meant that is why i repeated what you said as I thought it was wise and helpful.

    Elizabeth thanks for clarifying. As I wrote above I was just saying how I was brought up and how I feel but I would like to be open abut what I can do and not always dwelling on my many shortcomings.

    I like writing but maybe as I get older my meaning is not always clear.I can work on that!

    Quirky

  27. Moonstruck
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    23 March 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    You're a wonderful person Quirky...and I love the conversations we have on here! Don't go anywhere because I would miss you muchly. I am jumpy and twitchy today because not at the end of my big challenge yet....and managing things OK so far....(some would say very well...but they don't know what a gigantic effort it is for me...as you know I hide my anxieties and fears well).......I am wondering now if there will be a giant void of darkness to fill once my task is completed. (we are never satisfied are we).......love Moon S xoxoxo

  28. quirkywords
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    24 March 2018 in reply to Moonstruck

    Hello all,

    Moon thanks for your kind words.

    I think when one challenge finishes another is waiting around the corner.

    My inner critic keeps telling meI cant cope when times are good because it whispers that things will get bad again soon.

    Quirky

  29. Croix
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    24 March 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Dear Quirky, Moon, Elisabeth and all~

    Quite often in the past I've thought both on on talking about achievements here, and about how one's errors end up under a sort of personal microscope. I have a feeling that microscope works more effectively after midnight for some reason:)

    Anyway I think Elizabeth is spot-on saying "When people share successes it inspires others". As an example I was initially reluctant to share my good fortune in two happy marriages, but eventually decided it was better for others here to know such things were attainable by ordinary people, not just impossible dreams.

    Also that by bearing in mind in myself - and in a moderate way mentioning to others when appropriate - my personal successes I'm leaving less fodder for that microscope, hopefully my thoughts become more balanced and less negative.

    Yes Quirky, I suppose things can get bad, life has no real guarantees, however you will cope, and each time you do the strength and practice gained makes the next misfortune less of an obstacle (I'm sure I'm singing to the choir / teaching granny ... / etc here:)

    Croix

  30. quirkywords
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    24 March 2018 in reply to Croix

    Hello everyone,

    I like it when the walrus visits. Thanks Croix.

    Your post is very helpful. I think that our inner critic often tells us not to show off our achievements but magnifiesour flaws. Thats why I started this thread to work out a balance.

    It is always good to know that people have achieved things I am aspiring for and vice versa.

    Keep on being the walrus and be proud to say I am the walrus!!

    Quirky

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