Hi mmMekitty,

Are you worried about something on the forums or something else? Sorry to ask, just want to reassure you that I’m sure you’ve done nothing wrong. But if you’re feeling regret, we’ve all been there - please don’t be too hard on yourself.

I did come here to vent but have completely forgotten what I was going to vent about! Sorry about that!

Big big hugs!

LL

Ah Sleepy and Kitty...

I am hearing you both. Just want to give you a comforting hug is all. Hope you feel it.

Ohhh OK,

I echo Shelll’s thoughts. My hugs and support to you both Sleepy and mmMeKitty.

We are living through such stressful times.

LL

Are we ok or what??? 😹😿🙀😻

Maybe it's just one of those day.

Thanks LL & Shelll,

& Sleepy, are you ok? You & I both want our voices heard, our thoughts & feelings respected, even through our differences. It is sometimes very hard to do, We can only keep trying. I'm sorry to you, too, for saying anything which has been hurtful to you.

Yeah, LL, there was another Thread today, where, after reading previous Threads, I think my misunderstanding has contributed to the author's decision to withdraw from BB. I hope that won't happen, but can do nothing to reach them directly, so hope my apology there is read, & that it helps.

I never intend for anyone to feel hurt or distressed by anything I post. It does get very hard when, as things happen & I realise how little I know of someone's situation, & I'm feeling I try to understand, using the little information I have, & think I make mistakes, & then doubt myself & what good I can do...so the spiral begins.

There's another Thread, gets me emotional, because how I can relate so much to what has happened. It's so sad. That's ok; being sad feels appropriate.

It is the nature of this place, many emotions all over this place.

It doesn't help that I am tired & my body is hurting so much, still. Then my emotions get involved....not the best mix.

mmMekitty

I have to find somewhere to live for 2 weeks!

my partner has to fly from WA to VIC for a funeral then do 2 weeks quarantine when she gets back .

I don't think I could quarantine for 2 weeks - it'll do my head in.

I wish for a space to talk to others who understood

I am so tired of discrimination against disabled and broken ppl

We exist.

Thanks Mark.

Some days I feel like no one cares about me, even ppl I pay to do so,

I feel like they just take from me and discard me.

In the spirit of vent and let it go

I just found out I was being lied to and it’s not ok. I’m sick of other peoples faults and failings and I have no time for it. I have a heap of angry judgements and I want to let rip with how I feel but I already calmly said my peace.
I feel it physically the disappointment is running through my body. I understand now why people become hermits and cut themselves of from society.

There are so many people who have contributed to the products & services I need to imagine how I could in any practical way, live totally alone & independently. I'm not even a half-decent gardener.

I have to admit, when I think about the people who are in some way, in my life, I need them. From the unknown people who clean the hospital where I go, & pack fruit & veg to deliver to shops, to people who stock shelves, who deliver mail, who keep power reaching my flat, who collect rubbish from the kerb, ...to the people I have direct contact with, such as my GP, PDr, doctors, nurses & other health workers, to my helpers who are paid via NDIS - & all the people keeping that system (flaws & all), at least doing this for me... & the more I think, the more people there are, a huge number of whom I will never know or meet, who don't know they are personally supporting my life.

Now I start thinking, the list gets longer, & longer... so I need to say a quiet 'Thank You' & let the thoughts go...

mmMekitty

Oh, & I didn't mention my Sis, who has been so kind & forgiving, so helpful & patient with me.❤️

Does everything I feel for her equal love? It's so difficult for me to admit & say, but I think it might.

mmMekitty

The hermit life is really not for me.

I have a village of carers and supporters. I struggle with small tasks

Yes wrote it and let it go it’s gone.

It seems every 6 months or so my place of employment is looking to 'integrate and simplify the business to remove the complexities to streamline processes' etc

make me fearful for my job!!!

My partner annoyed me. He tells me to speak up and call people out, work colleagues, my ex etc. I speak up to him often about how his sis living with him is affecting me but he won't say anything to her so as not to upset her yet he's ok with me being upset? A discussion tonight 'aggitated' him told him good, now he knows how I feel when I'm agitated.

He's hypocritical and knows it. Mr nice guy, agrees with me but always the other person.

So annoyed

I've made every single mistake and things turned out the worst possible way,

Feels like I deserve and should be suffering.

I am ok...

But a part of me wishes my life was over. Maybe I just dont have what it takes to manage my life. I don't know how to do it. Verbal communication is painful... because I don't feel understood even if I do voice things. Not feeling understood and known hurts. And I don't know why it hurts.

I only want undivided attention...even if it's only for a minute or so. Is that too much out of a whole day?

It just sends messages to me... You are unimportant, you are not worthy of my time. Your needs and even wants don't matter to me... Tears are beneath the service. Behind my eyes.

I am too tired to struggle anymore. To manage my life.. I am not good at it. Don't have the skills. Don't know how to handle emotions. Don't know which way to go.

Hi Shelll,

This post is about you.

My lovely wife is amazing. She battles through her depression then watches TV and if any animal is hurt, she'll burst into tears. Such is her beauty.

I'm saddened when other people battle with their confidence and trying to figure out how others tick. I once wrote an article on the latter called "the benefit of the doubt" BOTD (in search) where, you put faith in loved ones to avoid disappointment due to our own expectations.

So why is it hard for people to give you some undivided attention? Using the "BOTD" theory you can list in your mind the possibles

They are-

• content
• can't read your needs
• busy
• feel uncomfortable
• unable

So the next crucial step is seeking clarification. You can do this a number of ways but I suggest you take the person to a calm place with the least distractions. Then tell the person "I need 15 minutes of your undivided attention" then "can you give me that"?

Hope that helps.

TonyWK

Hi shelll, hearing u and hope do feel soon that whole love and attention.

Wander how we can give it to ourselves....

Just need to let this go....Such a bad experience I had this afternoon. It left me angry, stressed, scared, confused.

I was driving from the breakwall ( where I walk) to pick someone up from the train station. For some reason, I took the wrong road. I hardly recognised the surrounding area, where I was driving. The road was so very busy. It was a major road with 3 lanes on each side. Many traffic lights. Buses pulling out. One nearly took me out. Scared me. The GPS wasn't working on my phone either. It kept cutting out. I normally have an excellent sense of direction... But not today. And rarely get lost. But I could not handle the constant busyness of these roads. Couldn't handle the clutter of buildings everywhere, streets which seemed to go in all directions. Every single traffic light was either red or orange. I needed to pick this person up at a certain time. I was about 1 hour late. And I know they would feel stressed. And that knowing stressed me out. The roads were like a hectic maze. The more I kept driving, the more it looked unfamiliar.

Tears and I found myself banging on the steering wheel. Steering wheel banging is not common for me. But I was so frustrated. No polite drivers around me it seemed. I didn't even know what lane I was supposed to be in. Truly wasn't myself. Whoever that is. Normally I like driving. But not today. Maybe my stress level was high today. So I simply couldn't cope. I don't know.

I am home now

Feeling drained, exhausted and frustrated, and like pressure never ends.

Feeling unimportant, and quite scared, of certain ppl around me, who aren't making me feel safe.

This is not like me...

Noises are triggering me. Dishes clanging, the doors hitting the door frames from the wind. The feeling of heat on me from the window, I cannot tolerate. Cannot listen to others. Concentration is low. Thoughts of wanting to go home, because of everything. Overwhelming. Heaviness.

Just some impotent raving:

Now it's raining too much & some places are getting flooded - can someone please tell the rain to ease up? ... it makes me really nervous, even though I am very unlikely to be flooded where I am.

It's dangerous driving through flooded roads - don't do it!

I want everyone to be safe ...

For there to be no war either!!!! It's too sad.

I don't believe anyone winds a war.

Noises are making me jumpy, too, Shelll, even while the rain is loud. All I can do is take a 'time out', in a quiet, safe place, alone, blocking sounds, or muting them some, or I think, maybe I ought to make some noises myself?

Today was a long day of stress and I'm over it

My body feels far from my mind, racing thoughts all over the place, yet I managed somehow

I don't feel whole

Can tell I am slipping into the grey. Starting to not care about things. Heard the noise from the bird just now out the window. That's it... I normally feel a nice feeling when I hear beautiful bird noises. I hear it physically but it is like it is not registering. I really don't seem to care about it.

Hi Shelll, what do you do when you notice this lack of feeling for things, like the birdsong? Do you have a 'go to' plan to follow?

No, I don't have a go to plan. I just mindlessly emotionally eat... Just stuffed my self with huge amount of chocolate. Hate abusing myself this way. It never helps.. Makes it 100%worse.

Do you get like this... Start going into the grey. If so, what do you do?