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Forums / Staying well / Work peers avoiding me

Topic: Work peers avoiding me

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. Mezzz
    Mezzz avatar
    1 posts
    24 August 2019
    Hi Everyone,

    I am a 21 year old girl who has recently started a job as a graduate in a technology company. Several other Graduates are also in this graduate position with me. We were introduced to previous grads from day one.
    I had noticed that they go for coffee and lunch without me. At first I didn't mind, but it continued, I would ask them to go for coffee they would say no because they were busy. Then 10 minutes later I would go alone and I find them getting coffee together when they had just told me they were too busy.
    They also had a farewell breakfast to one of the previous grads who we all met on day one. That morning I joined a co-worker to the cafe, and found Everyone, graduates and non graduates having breakfast together, I had no idea this was even something they planed on doing.
    They would bring kebab for lunch as a group without bothering to ask if wanted to get some as well. They have their own group chat, which they plan everything on. It has gotten to a point where they plan about getting coffee and asking someone to join because they didn't join yesterday right in front of me.
    As grads we have a project we are working on, every time I have an idea they always make me feel like what I contributed was incorrect.

    I all ways ask my self what have I done to them? I promise I have done nothing that could upset them or anyone.
    Some times I think it's because of my background and culture. Maybe because I am to shy, I try my best to talk and joke but they just never seen to care about anything I say or try to say. I can say that I am not used to this amount of socializing, but they can help me if they give me a chance to express my self.

    I may seem to be making a big deal about this, but I have my reasons, I have been avoided and ignored since my early primary school years. I understood then that been because I was from a middle Eastern background it made made me avoidable. But why now why at this time of life?, I was hoping being an adult and and being in a work place would be different then my school years. It just hurts and I want to understand, why?

    Can anyone help me figure out why this are like this to me?? Is there something wrong with me? Have I done something wrong?

    Thank you 😊
  2. Amelialice
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Amelialice avatar
    1 posts
    24 August 2019 in reply to Mezzz
    Hi Mezzz, thank you for sharing this post, i'm sure that you not alone in experiening your encounter.

    Let me start first with congratulations! I also work for a technogy company and can recall some challenging times in early phases.

    If you would permit me to ask, do you have good friends and family outside of work who care for you? Is there someone you know well and can confide in about hoe you're feeling?

    Just like school and university there is a period of adjusment where it takes time to know which people we may bond with and otgers where we learn to appreciate our differences.

    Above all, be yourself and give yourself time to make some good collegue relationships.

    If you're stuggling reach out to BeyondBlue for some advice.
  3. Summer Rose
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Summer Rose avatar
    1561 posts
    24 August 2019 in reply to Mezzz

    Hi Mezzz

    Welcome to bb and thank you for trusting this community with your story.

    Sounds like you are having a pretty tough time at work. I'm really sorry this is happening to you and that it is triggering difficult memories.

    The behaviour you are receiving from the other grads is really not on, and I can understand why you are both confused and upset. Isolating you and leaving you out of social events is actually a form of workplace bullying.

    If I were you, I would have a chat with your manager or HR. You don't necessarily have to lodge a formal complaint. You can keep it informal and simply ask for help to put an end to the poor behaviour.

    It's perfectly okay to raise the issue. In my experience (I am a business owner with HR responsibilities), these situations are often rooted in some form of miscommunication or misunderstanding. Hopefully you will be able to work it out.

    How do you feel about raising the issue at work?

    Kind thoughts to you

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