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Forums / Suicidal thoughts and self-harm / Have to move out of home

Topic: Have to move out of home

15 posts, 0 answered
  1. Slippers
    Slippers avatar
    51 posts
    21 June 2021
    Hi all. The situation i find myself in is most probably my own fault. My mother moved into a nursing home last November. I have lived in the family home all my life. I work fulltime getting a little over 3k a month, i am 49 years old. I found out tonight that I am going to have to move out because the family home will need to be sold to pay for Mum's stay in the nursing home. I have a little over 20k saved now, I was told that I could get up 30k as a gift once the house is sold.

    I dont know what to do. My sister is going to send me contact for a mortgage broker but I am worried whether the mortgage broker would just laugh in my face becuase i am too old for a mortgage. I was told that I could borrow up to 285k, there isnt much around for that price. I am so stressed.

    I considered suicide. I need help
  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6824 posts
    21 June 2021 in reply to Slippers
    Hi Slippers,

    Thank you for reaching out tonight and looking for support. Big changes like this would have anyone stressed out and unsure of how to proceed. We are glad you are here and we hope our community can provide you with some of the help you are looking for.

    Have you been able to talk this new situation through with anyone you trust? 
      Do you have any supports at the moment that could help you if find yourself having thoughts of suicide?

    Extra support is always available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors at our Beyond Blue Support Service (1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467). Sometimes it can be really helpful to talk these feelings through with an understanding and empathetic person on the other end of the phone.

    We're all here to help you through this, we've reached out to you privately to check in with you and we'd urge you to reach out to these extra supports whenever you need.
  3. james1
    Multicultural Correspondent
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    james1 avatar
    3061 posts
    21 June 2021 in reply to Slippers

    Hello Slippers,

    I'm so sorry to hear you have to move out of the family home. It sounds like this is a really big change and you're feeling really stressed out at the moment.

    You said you considered suicide - please call emergency 000 if you are at risk of hurting yourself. There is also suicide call back service 1300 659 467 and lifeline 13 11 14, if you need to talk to someone.

    If you will not have enough to buy a place outright, there are more financial and shelter options available to you. You may be able to rent for a while, rather than try to buy outright. Or if you have family or friends to stay with temporarily, perhaps that could be an option too. It would have the added benefit of being around a friendly face who can give you the emotional support you need.

    But importantly, we need to make sure you are safe. How are you now? Do you have anyone close to support you in person?

    James

  4. Slippers
    Slippers avatar
    51 posts
    21 June 2021 in reply to james1
    Hi James. No I am at home alone with only my two cats for company. I cannot speak to any of my family since they will tell everyone else what is going on and make the situation worse. It was unfair of me to send that i wanted to end it all. I just dont see what options I have. I didnt know whether renting for a while in an option at my age and i thought that would just delay the problem and not actually fix it. Its a horrible thing to say but when my mother does die then I was told I would get a quarter share of the house price, she is 91 years young (maybe I am clouding the issue)

    The whole situation sucks, I fear that i wont be able to sleep now with this situation going around in my mind. I would be happy to talk to someone tonight, if only they could take some of my stresses away
  5. Slippers
    Slippers avatar
    51 posts
    21 June 2021 in reply to Slippers
    I spoke with a councilor tonight. She suggested I speak with a financial advisor at my work and see if I can access some of my super or any other options. I thanked her profusely, it was really good to speak to someone. Since my mother has moved into a nursing home I dont have anyone in the family I can trust and confide in.

    I hope now I can get a good nights sleep and not spend time thinking dark thoughts. I wish I had someone in my life that I could confide in. I have my pastor at church, but I wished I had a girlfriend or someone knew me that I can really trust
  6. james1
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    3061 posts
    23 June 2021 in reply to Slippers

    Hello Slippers

    Sorry to hear you are alone with just the two cats, and you aren't able to talk to your family. The situation does suck.

    But I'm really glad to hear you were able to speak to a councilor. As you say, it can really help to just speak to someone and hear another person's voice. You mentioned your pastor at church - would you feel comfortable reaching out to them?

    I hope you are doing better than before.

    James

  7. Petal22
    Community Champion
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    Petal22 avatar
    2128 posts
    23 June 2021 in reply to Slippers

    Hi Slippers,

    Sorry you are fee This way I understand moving would feel overwhelming……….

    It may be a new beginning for you…….. moving…… I know it feels hard now but just give it time…

    Have you thought about renting? If your not ready to buy?

    Maybe you could rent something close to your mum s nursing home?

    im here to chat to you let me know your thoughts

  8. Slippers
    Slippers avatar
    51 posts
    27 June 2021 in reply to Petal22
    Thank you. I have 3 sisters. The closest (physical location wise) lives in a 2 storey house. Her two children have moved out and have since married. The idea of moving in with my sister for a while seems ideal but she puts herself above the rest of the family so I dont know whether this would be a good thing or a bad thing.

    Also I spoke to a mortgage broker and have applied for my first ever mortgage last Friday, its nice and scary at the same time. All the emotional garbage being at home by myself and family moving out would (hopefully) mean an end to it. I make 3k a month, I worry that would be enough to make ends meet either mortgage wise or renting wise. Ive been told that I wouldnt get money from the home sale till mum passes
  9. Petal22
    Community Champion
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    Petal22 avatar
    2128 posts
    27 June 2021 in reply to Slippers

    Hi Slippers,

    Would your sister be happy with you moving in with her?

    Goodluck with your mortgage loan 😊

    I understand your concerns, just take it day by day I’m sure everything will work out for you 😊

  10. Slippers
    Slippers avatar
    51 posts
    29 June 2021 in reply to Petal22

    Thank you

    When I had spoke about moving in with my sister she didnt respond so I dont know where her thinking is. She had a falling out with my other two sisters to potentially my other two sisters would hate me. I am over the whole fighting family/blame game

    When i spoke to my mortgage broker this morning she was making the right noises. The logistics of moving out are a concern, its going to cost me a fortune i think and the emotional cost of leaving home

    I spoke to some friends who offered I stay with them IF the mortgage is denied, to my way of thinking I like that idea too. My sister on the Central coast would probably been at the house telling me everything I was doing wrong in life. Its water off a ducks back now, maybe ive become numb to venomous words it sometimes it still hurts

  11. james1
    Multicultural Correspondent
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    james1 avatar
    3061 posts
    29 June 2021 in reply to Slippers

    Hey Slippers

    It sounds like moving in with your sister could be a good living situation for you and you could have a room of your own, but I understand you also are a bit worried about how it would be living with her. What are you worried will happen?

    Wow good luck with your mortgage application! Hopefully it comes through, otherwise I'm sure you'll find some other solution.

    James

  12. Slippers
    Slippers avatar
    51 posts
    29 June 2021 in reply to james1
    Because my other two sisters hate the eldest one. For me to move in with my eldest sister would break the ties with the other two, And my eldest sister can be overbearing.

    I dont know what I should do
  13. Petal22
    Community Champion
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    Petal22 avatar
    2128 posts
    30 June 2021 in reply to Slippers

    Hi Slippers,

    Ok, you know what’s best with your sister……. I understand you don’t want to be around negativity……… you can always choose how you respond to negativity….. it just takes practice..

    Goodluck with the mortgage, that’s nice of your friends to offer to you to live with them 😊

    1 person found this helpful
  14. Slippers
    Slippers avatar
    51 posts
    5 July 2021
    Hi all, so I have been pre approved for my first ever mortgage and am seeing at least one maybe two places on the central coast on the weekend. At home here my sister from interstate is helping tidy up. Two of my sisters are joined at the hip, anything and everything I do wrong i get criticized for. I have been told that the family home is being painted and repaired before it goes on the market. My sister on the Central Coast said that she had to spend more money on the house before it can be put up for sale. It seems to me that are trying to blame this all on me, at the very least trying to be-little me. My sister is currently sitting in the lounge room eating dinner, I am in my bedroom packing up. I havent had dinner and I dont feel like having it now after the roast (not the meat kind) I had from my sister on the central coast earlier this evening
  15. james1
    Multicultural Correspondent
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    james1 avatar
    3061 posts
    6 July 2021 in reply to Slippers

    Fantastic! Congratulations on the pre approval Slippers.

    It sounds like you feel really victimised by your sisters right now. I'm really sad to hear you have to deal with this while trying to just figure out what to do next. Hopefully they lay off over the next while until you figure out where you'll be living.

    James

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